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Original poster

Sending 7 year old to boarding school

528 replies

Bringonsummer19 · 11/05/2023 00:14

So my daughter is currently away (8) on her first residential trip. She is away from Wednesday through to Friday. I already miss her so much and it got me thinking of my sister who is sending her 7 year old away to boarding school in September. Her husband is in the army so will subsidise the fees and it’s aimed at continuity of education. Nonetheless my sister does not work and therefore could settle with DS (albeit husband would have to commute to army base) and they couldn’t afford private school fees.

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home unless there is a really valid reason (eg husband posted to Iran)

OP posts:
ChiChaNaYubi · 14/05/2023 13:07

I fantasise about this daily but in reality I’d miss them terribly after a few days 🤣

Achwheesht · 14/05/2023 13:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Chachachachachachacha · 14/05/2023 13:42

Surprised at all the condemnation on here. As someone who was a sahm through choice until my kids were in secondary I’d have considered them boarding at a great school all fees were paid if they were willing to go. 7 would be too young for some kids as would 11 or 16. Completely depends on the child.
If they come home at weekends I don’t see it as a lot different from kids of parents who work full time and are in before and after school childcare and don’t get home until it’s practically bedtime but you’d be hauled over the coals for suggesting that was damaging to children!

Shufflebumnessie · 14/05/2023 13:58

My DH & his sibling were both sent to boarding school at age 7. Their dad was in the army & mum a SAHP (but apparently she didn't really get a say in the decision). It breaks my heart when he talks about how he felt when it happened and his subsequent experiences.
It definitely had severe consequences on both children & their relationship with their parents.

Shufflebumnessie · 14/05/2023 14:01

Forgot to say, that they were termly boarders so they only saw their parents during school holidays.

Grimbelina · 14/05/2023 14:22

Every person I know (quite a lot) who were sent away before secondary has issues. Every single one and as they get older the damage becomes more apparent and pronounced. I think it is extremely damaging for secondary age in many cases too. I don't include myself in that, by the way. I went when I was older and it was fine... but I still wouldn't send mine at any age.

One of my DC is also a day pupil at a school with boarders and I absolutely know that some of the parents of boarders are not sending them because it will benefit their children's lives but because it suits them (they have actually told me this).

HFS · 14/05/2023 14:38

I was a service child and loved boarding school. I hated moving every two years and having to make new friends. School was a settled place for me. I didn't go until I was 11 though.

Jeevesnotwooster · 14/05/2023 15:19

I went as a weekly boarder at 7. Then, after a period at home, as termly boarder from 8, my own choice. There were valid reasons but it's too young and meses up the family dynamic in my opinion.

LT1982 · 14/05/2023 16:58

It's not your child or your decision so it's unreasonable to post critiscising other people's parenting choices 🙄

LittleBearPad · 14/05/2023 17:01

LT1982 · 14/05/2023 16:58

It's not your child or your decision so it's unreasonable to post critiscising other people's parenting choices 🙄

If that theory applied MN would be a lot quieter!

Panteranoir · 14/05/2023 17:07

I went at nine, one of my siblings at seven as full time boarders.

And we're fine.

Kids are much more resilient than parents these days convince themselves they are. All the helicoptering, hovering and wrapping in cotton wool actually doesn't benefit kids in the end.

They'll be a load of virtue signalling on this thread from people saying they couldn't possibly send their babies away, but it's a school not a prison.

RivieraSunTerrace · 14/05/2023 17:17

@Panteranoir there is nothing wrong with parents nurturing their own children. It doesn't have to be all helicoptering, hovering and wrapping in cotton wool. It's simply hands-on caring for them and it is a normal part of normal parenting. Seven year-olds need that role fulfilled by people who love them. Why bother having DC only to hand them over to strangers to bring up at seven years old. It is barbaric.

thing47 · 14/05/2023 17:34

Quite. If having kids doesn't suit your lifestyle, then maybe don't have kids…

@Grimbelina have you ever been brave enough to ask these parents why they had kids at all? 🤔

SleepingStandingUp · 14/05/2023 17:40

Panteranoir · 14/05/2023 17:07

I went at nine, one of my siblings at seven as full time boarders.

And we're fine.

Kids are much more resilient than parents these days convince themselves they are. All the helicoptering, hovering and wrapping in cotton wool actually doesn't benefit kids in the end.

They'll be a load of virtue signalling on this thread from people saying they couldn't possibly send their babies away, but it's a school not a prison.

So why did your parents insist of not letting you go until you were 9, given you seem to imply school is a better place to raise and nurture kids than a home? Perhaps we should encourage schools to take more from 5, with the Govt subsidising places to make sure no kid misses out on being raised by an institution.

Grimbelina · 14/05/2023 17:42

thing47 no, I haven't and I don't think it would help. However I have challenged them on the suitability of the school for their child (who is horribly unhappy in boarding and really struggling) and whether they appreciated the mental health issues that could lie ahead.

Elaina87 · 14/05/2023 18:43

That sounds bizarre, maybe I don't fully understand. She's choosing to follow husband around wherever he is based rather than settle with their child somewhere? I think it's very sad to send a child thag young off to boarding school, who do they off load any worries or upset to at the end of the day? Who fills their cup back up?

Elaina87 · 14/05/2023 18:48

Panteranoir · 14/05/2023 17:07

I went at nine, one of my siblings at seven as full time boarders.

And we're fine.

Kids are much more resilient than parents these days convince themselves they are. All the helicoptering, hovering and wrapping in cotton wool actually doesn't benefit kids in the end.

They'll be a load of virtue signalling on this thread from people saying they couldn't possibly send their babies away, but it's a school not a prison.

It's not about wrapping them up in cotton wool. It's about having parents who love them there to see them at the end of the day, to hear about any worries or difficulties, give them a hug, fill their cup back up. School may not be prison but it can be tough in many ways.

Elaina87 · 14/05/2023 18:50

LostRahRah · 11/05/2023 04:24

Was it really necessary to drop that in there? Sending your child to nursery so you can work is essential for many people to provide for their child. Boarding school is not. Children who go to nursery spend every morning, evening, bedtime and weekend with their parents. It's not remotely comparable. And as I'm sure you know most of the countries that have high workforce participation from women with children going to nursery from when they are babies have better mental health scores for children and adults than we do, as well as less inequality and childhood poverty. No such outcomes from boarding schools.

Show quote history

Totally agree.... nursery is often not really a choice and that post just triggered me massively! My LG would sometimes be in long hours and I felt very guilty. Luckily only a couple of days a week due to help from grandparents. Very different from the choice of sending your kids to boarding school.

SunnyEgg · 14/05/2023 18:52

Elaina87 · 14/05/2023 18:48

It's not about wrapping them up in cotton wool. It's about having parents who love them there to see them at the end of the day, to hear about any worries or difficulties, give them a hug, fill their cup back up. School may not be prison but it can be tough in many ways.

Show quote history

Exactly. Wanting to look after your seven year old dc is not wrapping in cotton wool. Bizarre take.

JackSprattAndWife · 14/05/2023 18:53

Panteranoir · 14/05/2023 17:07

I went at nine, one of my siblings at seven as full time boarders.

And we're fine.

Kids are much more resilient than parents these days convince themselves they are. All the helicoptering, hovering and wrapping in cotton wool actually doesn't benefit kids in the end.

They'll be a load of virtue signalling on this thread from people saying they couldn't possibly send their babies away, but it's a school not a prison.

I am sorry that happened to you and your sibling.

Tiredmama53 · 14/05/2023 19:40

I think this is totally different and a bit mean to judge. I was lucky to have 2 years maternity and only work part time now but on the two days my little girl is in those are the hours that she does and I don't have a choice about that because I'm at work and commuting and we need money to live.

RivieraSunTerrace · 14/05/2023 20:03

@Tiredmama53 it is a totally different thing sending a DC to nursery for full days sending them off to boarding school at seven. I don't think anyone in their right mind, or who haven't been damaged themselves, would do/perpetuate that nowadays when we know the damage it does. My DH's family have been sent to Eton for generations and none of his siblings has done the same. All our DC are in day schools. We flatly refused the kind offer of grandparents to fund everything for boarding. I would much rather have my DC at home, even if I am running around to extra-curriculars for a few short years.

Florenz · 14/05/2023 20:21

The purpose of having kids is to raise them to become adults. Not to have little people around the house to give their parents something to do. I'm not advocating for or against boarding school but saying that parents aren't real parents unless they like having their little kids at home to hug them and see their little faces are missing the point.

larlypops · 14/05/2023 20:26

I was a military child, personally I loved seeing the world and moving about. Obviously some countries are too dangerous

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 14/05/2023 20:29

Awful. She'd be better off putting the child in foster care. At least it would have a mother.
So sad

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