Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

however you come across judgemental bitter and jeloise of them. they must like you to invite yoi but do you like them really

id bet good money she’s not invited as they like her. I genuinely would.

Doesn't bother me - I'd never not get a couple a wedding gift however rich they may be unless the couple explicitly asked for no gifts. Which I've only had happen once out of about 30 weddings. The majority lived together already.

Better than a John Lewis gift list where the cheapest item is £100. At least you can choose the amount.

It would bother me if it was a command rather than just expression of preference.

I just might :o)

Are you going the wedding @Truestorypeeps
And if you do, just to be petty, you're going to give them £50 JL vouchers they don't want because you don't agree with what they do want?
Bet you're going to quaff as much free champagne as you can get your grubby little mitts on whilst slagging the bride and bridesmaids off, aren't you?
I wonder if they have any idea what disgustingly petty and jealous people they're inviting to their special day? Feel sorry for them

Oh wow! Nothing like putting pressure on the guests 😅
I would do same as @TheFormidableMrsC and go with Lego, plus then if they hated it they could form it into something the do like lol

This hits the nail on the head
Even if a couple says no gifts people will still do so because it’s etiquette/tradition

if you think a couple is greedy and tacky - don’t go to their wedding. It’s that simple
if anyone asks and you feel societal or family pressure then you tell ‘em you have a stomach bug

It doesn't bother me at all.

Is it a generational thing? I am 40 and don't know anyone of my generation who would be bothered by this and have been seeing it on invites/putting money in cards at weddings throughout my wedding reference period (about 15 years).

Are those who object to it older than me? Or is it just that everyone I know must be crass and tacky? Am genuinely interested.

Those poor people invited you because they wanted you at their wedding and here you are on the Internet calling them tacky !

I'm not a big fan of these sorts of requests either. It's not the wanting money as such, it's the couple thinking I need to be told to gift money. The mistrust of including an insertion to make sure. We always give money, as does everyone I know. I actually quite like that we are helping them out with a honeymoon/savings/a big purchase/ rainy day fund.

We had no mention at all of gifts on our wedding invites and all but one guest gave cash. It does seem to have become the norm

I’m fifties and I don’t know anyone my age range who would take issue. But to be honest, I also don’t know anyone who sits and seethes as someone as more money than them either.

i would only ever make a wish list or state explicitly what I’d wish for, at a wedding or birthday or any other occasion, if asked. I find the asking for specific gifts, online wish lists etc really tacky and greedy. For my wedding we didn’t specify gifts or ask, it was in a foreign country so we were just grateful people spent money to attend. A few people asked for wishes and we responded, others just made up things and a few didn’t bring any gift at all! And I didn’t mind any of it. A wedding isn’t about presents! I find a birthday a bit different, but still, I’d only provide wishes if asked.

That's not true for me. I know and care about all my friends but couldn't tell you if they want a waffle maker or not. Or psychically know if their other friends are planning to buy them one too.

Honestly, I prefer to give money. And I prefer that they say so upfront...
Wedding gifts were intended to help the new couple set up home. Now, we generally all have enough 'stuff'. So, it ends up being loads of arbitrarily given gifts which creates waste.

But people don't want to not give anything, so money is ideal. I once received a thank you note saying that my money had helped pay for a special experience on the honeymoon, and included a picture. I thought that was great!

@AnneLovesGilbert still none the wiser to what charities are polarising, can't think of a charity I would be against supporting.

Lots of (incorrect) assumptions there.

Sure there is 😂

Why go? You sound like a bit of a nobber. You don't like them, feeling is most likely mutual. Save them some cash and that comment in 10 years of "god why did we invite that misery to our wedding, thank fuck we don't see her any more"...

Stonewall, Amnesty, Eton, Mermaids, Save the children, Oxfam, Comic Relief, any religious organisation, off the top of my head.

that would be an ecumenical matter

Trying to think of what charity would be that polarising? Not meaning to jump on your post or sound accusatory sorry, just curious.

Something like 'Jim Davidson In Need' would probably only have fewer than two people on the one side and all the rest on the other!

Problem is if they don’t say what they want - money, they end up with a bunch of crystal that never gets used
if they ask for money - tacky
if they ask for donations for charity- “omg how dare you enforce your beliefs on me!!!!!”
if they say no gifts - people still feel obliged to give one anyway so more crystal …
People can’t win really
sometimes I wonder why people even entertain going to the weddings of people they think are tacky and grabby
maybe we need to rethink weddings

Yes, this. You can be all virtuous about not wanting anything, but people will be wanting to give you something - and by insisting or being coy, you're just making it more awkward for everybody.

It’s better than an invite I once got which requested handmade gifts that meant something personal to the bride and groom

See, I think this could go either way. They may be grabby CFs expecting people with arty skills to spend weeks and weeks and loads of money on materials to give them amazing stuff that ends up costing far more than a saucepan set from Argos ever would; but equally, they might have known that a lot of their invitees were hard up, so to save them the awkwardness of having to spend money that they simply could not afford, they were very kindly giving them a get-out clause, so they could paint a pebble, handwrite a personalised poem on some nice card or get their kids to draw them a picture and put it in a cheap Wilkos frame.

If I were you, I wouldn’t go. You sound like the sort of person that will congratulate them and give them a hug, then slag off everything about the wedding behind their backs.

They’ll be spending a lot of money on YOU that day, easily £100 a head by the time you incorporate canapés, champagne, 3 course meal, coffee, more champagne for the toast, buffet with the evening reception.

Everyone gives a wedding present and nowadays where many people live together before hand, contributions towards a honeymoon seems the obvious way to go. The majority of weddings I’ve been to in the last 15 years have done this. You seem annoyed that they earn a good wage??

We put a note with our invites along the lines of knowing people were paying to travel etc to come to our wedding, and we already had one - if not two- of most things so please no gifts. We had been asked if we had a list by some folks who were coming so we nominated a charity and gave their details if people did want to give something.

I never minded this, usually something along the lines of:
"While we consider your attendance the greatest gift, if you would like to donate towards our honeymoon here's a link"

I quite liked one friend who had the site set up with excursions they wanted to do on their honeymoon (like experiences, tours and the like) of all different price ranges and you could choose which you'd like to put money towards if you wanted. E.g food tour £10, swim with dolphins £25, helicopter tour £100 (multiple people could contribute to each one). Then after the honeymoon guests got pictures of them on the excursion they contributed towards with a thank you note.

It is a bit grabby but I would prefer to do that. Rather than spending ages choosing a gift they might not appreciate.

I've totally got over this. I was brought up that cash gifts were tacky but I think the culture has changed and once I let go of buying some random piece of hideous kitchenware I felt liberated. Do a card and put cash in it or don't, I doubt they'll notice.