Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

Your last sentence sums up how I feel about it
“those who knew us”

i think a lot of this could be solved if people only invited those who knew and genuinely cared about them
the guests would know what gift was useful or not because they’d actually know the people
if I care about someone I’d rather give them cash to have a nice dinner on honey moon than something theyd never use or want
if I don’t care about them why would I go to that wedding

Totally agree it's tacky and greedy. If you don't need a present just say on the invitation that no gifts are required. I never give cash gifts. As for contributing to your honeymoon - I'm usually paying a fortune to attend your wedding, with travel and accommodation - you can pay for your own holiday!

How puerile. I didn’t, I went overseas and married just the two of us and asked for nothing and received little. I still always gift when I attend someone’s wedding and if they have a list or want money, fair play, as a pp said, I don’t care if I spend 50 quid on a kettle or a contribution to a wedding and I certainly don’t sit and stew about how much more than me they have.

Why did you have people at your wedding who don’t know you?

Give them 20 quid towards the honeymoon 😂

I also hate this.. I love a John Lewis gift list or charity donation. Agree it’s tacky x

if I care about someone I’d rather give them cash to have a nice dinner on honey moon than something theyd never use or want, if I don’t care about them why would I go to that wedding

well said. Some of these posts are coming across like you’re doing them a favour even fronting up, like you’re the bloody late queen and they should praise be, and that a gift is the ultimate cheek.

gifting is the norm, lists used to be the norm. As folks get married later then that’s moved to many to ensure any money spent on gifting is used in a useful way. If that’s a honeymoon then fab.

Here’s a thought OP. If you find it so tacky why don’t you just refuse the invitation?

I don’t get the problem . If they don’t mention anything then they will be bombarded with questions about wedding gifts because who would dream of going to a wedding without a gift . I would find that tacky . If you want to go and not donate to their honeymoon then don’t donate . No one is forcing you .

The income definitely plays into it. But I had the same feeling about the poem in the invite before this one.

I suspect the op would love to go and get them nothing.

I also agree, don’t go op. You envy them so much your bitterness will show and you will hate every minute of it.

be honest. Decline. Tell them it’s as they’ve more money than you.

I never understand why people can't just be pragmatic in these situations. I hate wasting money so wouldn't want to buy a gift the couple already have or don't want. And I would never go empty handed. So instead of tippy toeing around the topic I'd rather the couple politely told me what they would prefer. And yes poems are awful but what else should they do? They can hardly just say 'give us some cash'. I'm team practical and polite rather than cloak and dagger 'etiquette'.

I actually think this should be normalised. It's so much easier for everyone involved

Are you going to the tacky, money grabbing wedding OP?

I can work out myself that they already have all most of the material possessions and if I will, I'll put a voucher in for JL or stick a £50 in the card. The invite should be just that...not a promotional exercise in raising cash.

So are you going to go ?

I've already had a few questions about wedding gifts and we don't want them or gift vouchers so after canvassing views I added a line about contributing to the honeymoon to the (online) invite.
there is no obligation and I haven't included bank details but I don't want to say the same thing 30+ times as it's awkward! Putting it in the invite does make sense though I couldn't bring myself to do it in the first place!
(We aren't loaded though!!)

I don't see the issue with this at all, nearly everyone does it now, mostly along the lines of "we don't need any presents, but if you do want to get us something a small contribution to our honeymoon would be appreciated". You are always going to bring a gift to the wedding, aren't you, so wouldn't you rather give them something they'll actually use and appreciate? I don't get the MN outrage over this at all, it's normal for almost every wedding I've ever been to.

No, I just didn't mention it so there was no expectation (other than tradition you could say). No one likes to give something which is expected of them, be it their time or money.

Yes, you'd be able to work out what to give them without a tacky prompt in the invitation.

@Jazzyjezzabelle puerile? On what basis? As I said in my previous posts, I made it clear that no gifts were required for my wedding. Just the company of my guests. Don't be so rude.

Makes me cringe. We went down the 'please don't feel you need to bring a gift' route but didn't ask for money, just said don't feel obligated to bring anything but yourselves!

You got married quite a long time ago didn’t you? You’re older than them, you are not invited because you are a friend, you’re a duty family invite aren’t you?

I agree the poem invitations etc are tacky. however you come across judgemental bitter and jeloise of them. they must like you to invite yoi but do you like them really ? who cares if their wedding is low key ? it's their wedding. don't go if you dint want to then. no one really gives presents anymore. you are fully within your rights to not like it but you can jlnot judge when other people prefer cash over presents. I got married last year myself everyone apart from a select few gave us cash. we greatly appreciated it. other that gave us presents we didn't need or liked were either exchanged for something else gave away and secretly sold on marketplace.

This :-)