Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

The thing is, etiquette demands you buy a wedding gift, so it's not really 'grabby' to acknowledge this, and request that the gift is actually something you want.

Years ago people used to get gifts that were useful to a couple setting up home together. Now the majority of couples already live together so their homes are already fully equipped.

Asking politely that people contribute towards a honeymoon means that guests don't waste their money on a gift that isn't needed/wanted, and also (as mentioned by a PP) takes the pressure off having to choose a gift. I really appreciate knowing my contribution is well received!

I don't see how it is any different to the gift lists that were popular 15-20 odd years ago

Maybe there's ill feeling as some of us haven't had a holiday abroad in years and they go multiple times and here I am funding their next one... :-/

I have recently totally lost respect for a friend who, on her third marriage, and widowed not that long before, on a massive salary, with several mortgage free properties asked for money as a wedding present. And gave bank details. I (and others) ignored it and bought token gifts. It's absolutely not acceptable to do that. I've been married twice. For my second marriage I made it absolutely clear that there was absolutely no requirement for a gift. It would have felt unbelievably cheeky given we had a home and everything that we needed. It's embarrassing to do anything else in my view.

It's tacky. We didn't put any poem or list or anything referencing gifts and most people gave us money anyway.

I would have zero problems with this. You’re right, they don’t want toasters and they do want holidays (and why not? Holidays are great!). You don’t have to think, or pore over which bit you can afford of the overblown Wedgewood dinner service that will see the light of day once a year until they’re dead, travel into town to pick some mediocre towels from the wedding list, or even better, something you think they should have instead of the things they’ve told you they’d like (thanks, aunty Sandra, for the luxury set of boules). Make a rough estimate of the cost of your meals, round up to the nearest £50, and job done.

This seems to be the norm now really. Most people live together before getting married so already have all the “usual” wedding gifts.

I always find an ironing board goes down well

It's not likely they will get enough money for their honeymoon OP. You would be giving a gift anyway surely if you are going?

You really do sound a bit better.

Are they close friends? Maybe just don't go?

So don't go the wedding. Surely you wouldnt turn up to someone's wedding without a gift for them? Or would you be happy to let them pay for your space, your meal, your buffet for the day but give nothing back? Yeah that's grabby.

God yes, the poem is painful and even more awkward than just asking straight out!!

For ours we said no presents of any sort required, we just wanted to see them. For those that contacted us and asked what we'd like as they wanted to give us something, we asked that IF people wanted to give us a gift, we'd like a book, a record or some small piece of art that reminded them of us and our friendship with them. We got some really thoughtful pieces that will always make us think of the people who loved us enough to give us something so personal.

I (personally) just think it's hideous to ask people for money! Saying nothing is a lot more gracious.

You may aren't funding shit. They'll have paid more than you'll put in the card for you to attend their wedding.

Bollocks. We earned a quarter of that and insisted no gifts. Only on MN would £150k be "not exactly rolling in it". Get a grip.

I don't blame you.
Was the wedding a very lavish affair?

I haven’t had new pots on 20 years. That doesn’t mean I need to begrudge buying some for people for their wedding. Just give them what they actually would value.

I thought that, such a MN response to £150k!

£150k is hardly rolling in it.

It's all relative. It is to me.

You've hit the nail on the head there for me. They have everything and more. I was embarrassed for them reading the invite asking for donations (basically). No shame.

YABU. It’s no different to the gift lists which used to be more popular. Better than getting a load of unwanted gifts. Just don’t give anything if you don’t want to.

I think it's really tacky but seems to be the accepted thing. To me it's kinda rude and grabby.
I agree there are other ways to word it and not receive toasters etc. Wedding lists exist for a reason and loads of guests like those as can buy a voucher for the couple that way which seems more polite. I would've been mortified to outright ask everyone for money on our invites.

😂😂😂

How much are you giving that you feel you’re funding their holiday. Do you mean making a minor contribution as way of a wedding gift?

anyways, for me, I’m quite happy, I don’t look at folks financial situation to decide if I should get them a wedding gift and if that gift is a contribution to their wedding, no issues for me.

what a horrid attitude to have to someone’s happy day.

Trying to think of what charity would be that polarising? Not meaning to jump on your post or sound accusatory sorry, just curious.

We gave £1000 to our niece, when she said she was getting married. I also made a cake with hand crafted flowers. When the invite arrived there was a suggestion that a gift from a Store would be lovely! Cheeky mare!