Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

OP you seek to be making two separate points. One is that asking for money is grabby which sone agree with and some do not.

The other is that you seem to begrudge giving them money anyway because you think they are rolling in it and seemingly don't deserve a gift.

I can think of many!

But @Truestorypeeps they weren't really asking for money. They were acknowledging that people would want to give them a gift, as etiquette demands, and were letting everyone know what would be most appreciated.

I actually think it's quite thoughtful.

Why does it matter to you if your £50 is spent on a matching kettle and toaster set or a contribution to a honeymoon?

As a wedding guest, I couldn't care less what they ask for so long as it's within my budget. So this is fine by me.

Weddings are expensive - if I want to attend a wedding it's because I care about the person/people getting married. I tend to think of the gift more as offsetting the cost of the wedding so that I can share in their special day without too much of a financial cost to them.

They have everything and more. I was embarrassed for them reading the invite asking for donations (basically). No shame

Oh op you sound ridiculously pompous!

This is standard in many other countries all over the world! It's only in England people get so frothy about it.

Seriously, do you think most of the rest of the world are tacky and feel embarrassed for them?

I won't go into details, but it's VERY low key (so I doubt that).

Guess what though, I'm already married and I was very happy to pay for everyone who I invited because I wanted them to be there. A wedding isn't about recouping the costs of YOUR day!

@FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar It was indeed 🙄

I think it’s grabby. If they insist they want money, the I get them John Lewis vouchers

Problem is if they don’t say what they want - money, they end up with a bunch of crystal that never gets used
if they ask for money - tacky
if they ask for donations for charity- “omg how dare you enforce your beliefs on me!!!!!”
if they say no gifts - people still feel obliged to give one anyway so more crystal …
People can’t win really
sometimes I wonder why people even entertain going to the weddings of people they think are tacky and grabby
maybe we need to rethink weddings

I mean it's a bit unnecessary because the majority of people give money anyway - surely its the norm by now? However it's very very normal - every wedding I've been to has received a line saying something like don't feel you need to give anything but if you do want to please give money towards a honeymoon. Some have included a charity option as well but not all.

I think its fair enough - if they've been to all their friends weddings and given them money then its not unreasonable to expect the same back.

Have you really never seen this before or is it just these particular friends you are judging because of their income?

Guess what though, I'm already married and I was very happy to pay for everyone who I invited because I wanted them to be there. A wedding isn't about recouping the costs of YOUR day!

did you insist that no one gave you a gift then and return any cash gifts?

It’s better than an invite I once got which requested handmade gifts that meant something personal to the bride and groom 😳

Agreed it’s absolutely tacky, I’d be mortified for them 🙈🙈 I’ve never once seen anything like that on an invite and I always give cash. Like there’s no need to ask, almost everyone I know gives cash in a card for a wedding. Usually approx €200 per couple depending on how well you know them, if you’re related etc.

A couple of list building sites that I have seen recently have "fund" options for the honeymoon or for things like DIY or furniture. We liked the DIY or furniture options as even without planning a wedding those are expensive things to do. I don't like giving for honeymoons.

So, are you going the wedding OP?

I hate these cards.

But equally, we requested no gifts for our wedding and not many people respected that. The charity shops did rather well.

(Those who knew us, bought us booze. We had a very merry household for the first year!)

@Truestorypeeps I am totally with you on this, get them a nice card and a bottle of champagne. Job done.

You seem almost obsessed with what they have op, what they earn and their lifestyle.

it’s a wedding invite and gift suggestion. You neither need to go or give. Calm yourself down. I very much doubt they will miss either if you decline both.

Ah, so you're basically just jealous then.

Ha ha! "Deploys Lego"

There are a lot of people responding on this thread who have asked for money 🙄

I agree it’s tacky. If they have all the household stuff they need you could get them an Oxfam goat, or a nice bottle of a wine, or a good book. Or all three.

Ah yes, very thoughtful to ask for cold, hard cash 😂Why mention a gift at all?

We got a few gifts which would have been inexpensive, but the fact it was picked and some thought put into it added to the gift. If I'd put in a poem asking for money in the invites (shudder), they probably would have felt bad putting the equivalent amount of money in (for arguements sake, a tenner). Contributing to a honeymoon to me sounds like you should be chucking in a decent amount which not everyone can comfortably afford to do.

I also find it tasteless. But equally why should they donate their gifts to charity?! Just because they're older, established and well off, that shouldn't mean they have to do away with any gifts in their lives.

They're getting married, they are entitled to keep the gifts. Personally I'd have no problem transferring £50 to the honeymoon fund and moving on.

We put nothing regarding gifts on our invite and got candles, cheap saucepan sets, hideous gold champagne flutes, some leopard print wine glasses etc (as well as money). It is easier. Otherwise you end up with a load of tat you give to charity.