Page 23 | Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

Truestorypeeps · 2023-05-10T20:51:11+00:00

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless. Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

Desperatelyseekingcommonsense · 12/05/2023 15:23

floofsMum · 12/05/2023 14:39

I get that people getting married now generally have all they need for a house and that asking for money towards the honeymoon seems to be the "done thing". However I personally dislike doing this. My goto is therefore a wedding themed plant for the garden or a framed photo of the occasion ready for when they return from honeymoon. I have, however, also chosen not to go to the wedding, and given a more substantial monetary gift when I knew that the couple would benefit in relative terms.

Imagine if everyone was like you how many plants/ framed photos of the wedding we’d all end up with.

It’s just a request you can ignore it if you like. Some people will and buy tat / regift tat they were given. Some will ignore and give you something lovely and thoughtful. Most people will give cash happy they don’t have to worry about coming up with something lovely and thoughtful.

Pegsandsunshine · 12/05/2023 15:28

floofsMum · 12/05/2023 14:39

I get that people getting married now generally have all they need for a house and that asking for money towards the honeymoon seems to be the "done thing". However I personally dislike doing this. My goto is therefore a wedding themed plant for the garden or a framed photo of the occasion ready for when they return from honeymoon. I have, however, also chosen not to go to the wedding, and given a more substantial monetary gift when I knew that the couple would benefit in relative terms.

Imagine if all 50 guests did this and the married couple would end with 50 bloody plants. Landfill, here we come.

I think this is really selfish to give people what WE consider we like or what we think they deserve rather than what they like/need, just dont bother going to the wedding.

Manthide · 12/05/2023 17:08

Dd2 said they didn't want any presents, the presence of the guest was enough but if desired they suggested a couple of charities to donate to. A few people did bring gifts or put money in with the card.
Dd1 who had already sent out invitations to her wedding pre- covid with a gift list with John Lewis ( they were just buying their first home) and had to cancel a couple of weeks before the big day didn't reinstate the wedding list and was just happy to be able to get married (a year later) albeit with a very much reduced guest list ( max 30 guests May 2021). Some people bought presents or put money in the card but it was so lovely to finally see friends and family it was a non issue.

Manthide · 12/05/2023 17:12

We did go to one wedding about 20 years ago where the couple asked people to pay for experiences on their honeymoon to USA. We paid for them to watch some American football match. Other experiences were things like eating a hotdogs at a famous cafe or flying in a helicopter. I think that was better than just asking for money towards the honeymoon even if they were!

Manthide · 12/05/2023 17:32

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 08:14

I completely disagree.

Yes, it’s normal to take a gift to a wedding, usually money. We do for every wedding we’ve been to. But I (and many others on this thread) just wouldn’t ask for it - or even mention gifts on an invitation.

Btw, regarding your class comment, working class background as they come here. Piss poor growing up. My husband’s was very different though (eg privately educated and comes from a wealthy family). However, this was something we didn’t even need to discuss when planning our wedding. We both agreed we (personally) found it tasteless. And both our very different mums would have scolded us if we even mentioned gifts (let alone asking for money) on our invitation! 😂 I would never, regardless of income/class/whatever.

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I agree with you, my dd2 married into a very wealthy family ( and we are on benefits) but it's just not on to ask for gifts or money. A lot of people give money anyway but that's up to them.

bringitonnow · 12/05/2023 17:50

For my second marriage I worded my card
We are really looking forward to seeing you at our wedding. We have everything we want or need. Your Presence is the only Present we require at our wedding. Please come along and have a great day.

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 17:54

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 11:13

But despite us not saying a word about gifts on our invitation, we got cash from the vast majority

Well then, sounds like a pretty normal social expectation to me. So what's offensive about giving a steer towards it?

Most people can make a pretty accurate guess at what a physical gift costs if they are of a mind to start making comparisons.

I think the fact it’s largely unnecessary makes it seems a bit desperate to many perhaps.

I like to think most people don’t judge the cost of a gift that’s inexpensive, especially from someone who is strapped for cash… 🙈

Manthide · 12/05/2023 18:03

Jackiedoespolo · 10/05/2023 22:12

Agreed it’s absolutely tacky, I’d be mortified for them 🙈🙈 I’ve never once seen anything like that on an invite and I always give cash. Like there’s no need to ask, almost everyone I know gives cash in a card for a wedding. Usually approx €200 per couple depending on how well you know them, if you’re related etc.

Wow £200 each couple! I imagined £30-£50. I must admit I haven't bought any presents to the last 3 weddings I have attended. The last two were my daughters and it cost me enough to buy outfits for me and my youngest two - including a bridesmaid dress each time for my youngest and petrol to the venue that I was paying it off for a long time ( we are on benefits). My daughters did offer to pay. The other one was my cousin who was terminally ill (she lived for another couple of years) and they said they didn't want any presents.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 18:03

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 17:54

I think the fact it’s largely unnecessary makes it seems a bit desperate to many perhaps.

I like to think most people don’t judge the cost of a gift that’s inexpensive, especially from someone who is strapped for cash… 🙈

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"Desperate"? What does that mean in this context?

Judging a gift for its cost is a completely separate issue. Right now we're talking about judging people for requesting that gifts be money.

Desperate? What do you mean?

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 19:00

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 18:03

"Desperate"? What does that mean in this context?

Judging a gift for its cost is a completely separate issue. Right now we're talking about judging people for requesting that gifts be money.

Desperate? What do you mean?

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Well, if one is desperate it could mean they either really want or need something. Some would say ‘grabby’ or whatever else though. If people don’t want to come across as grabby or whatever else so don’t ask for cash, that’s up to them. And if they end up with a “pile of tat for landfill” (they won’t), so be it.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 19:17

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 19:00

Well, if one is desperate it could mean they either really want or need something. Some would say ‘grabby’ or whatever else though. If people don’t want to come across as grabby or whatever else so don’t ask for cash, that’s up to them. And if they end up with a “pile of tat for landfill” (they won’t), so be it.

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Right, you meant "grabby" or rather, greedy (I hate that silly MN word for it). This in spite of the fact that cash is such a normal and common thing to give that you don't think it needs specifying because it's such a given.

And people who don't give the steer absolutely won't receive items they don't want because you personally didn't. But if they do, you think that's preferable to a steer that would prevent people wanting their money.

You're entitled to think all this, of course. But it sounds like a right palaver and as if it's trying to prove some sort of point. Who wants to waste their money when the bride and groom know what they'd like? Why is money such a terrible thing when stuff isn't? Why is it better to waste people's money with stuff the couple doesn't want? If it's such a given that money is a gift, what's so "grabby" and "desperate" about a couple confirming that yes, that would be ideal, thank you?

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 19:18

s/wanting/wasting. Stupid autocorrect.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/05/2023 19:55

Desperatelyseekingcommonsense · 12/05/2023 15:23

Imagine if everyone was like you how many plants/ framed photos of the wedding we’d all end up with.

It’s just a request you can ignore it if you like. Some people will and buy tat / regift tat they were given. Some will ignore and give you something lovely and thoughtful. Most people will give cash happy they don’t have to worry about coming up with something lovely and thoughtful.

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@floofsMum

not everyone would like a plant
a gift is supposed to be what the recipient would like, not what the giver wants to give

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 20:04

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 19:17

Right, you meant "grabby" or rather, greedy (I hate that silly MN word for it). This in spite of the fact that cash is such a normal and common thing to give that you don't think it needs specifying because it's such a given.

And people who don't give the steer absolutely won't receive items they don't want because you personally didn't. But if they do, you think that's preferable to a steer that would prevent people wanting their money.

You're entitled to think all this, of course. But it sounds like a right palaver and as if it's trying to prove some sort of point. Who wants to waste their money when the bride and groom know what they'd like? Why is money such a terrible thing when stuff isn't? Why is it better to waste people's money with stuff the couple doesn't want? If it's such a given that money is a gift, what's so "grabby" and "desperate" about a couple confirming that yes, that would be ideal, thank you?

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Yep, exactly - I think I said upthread somewhere that some will definitely think a couple not specifying what they want is an inconvenience or eye roll at them taking the moral high ground. (I’m sure the latter is the case a lot of the time too!)

I can also understand people really, really hate waste - indeed, I do! - so will specify cash as they might have heard from someone who got the dozen identical mug sets or something. It’s just not something I’d do. But I also wouldn’t be one of the people who deliberately buy something else when a couple has specified the want money. If someone was concerned about wasting money on a certain gift or don’t know what to get them, I’m sure they’d just give cash too. It’s not like anyone receives an invitation saying “Please buy me something plastic destined for landfill which I won’t ever use.” 😁 It’s either “Cash please”, cash via a honeymoon experience list or gift list or free rein. As for why I preferred to give my guests a choice of whether they buy a gift, give cash/vouchers or don’t get us anything by not mentioning anything, I think it was unspoken between us that the wealth of my in-laws is much greater than that of my family. I have some close relatives who really struggle to make ends meet and my husband knows this very well. I didn’t want anyone to feel they perhaps needed to give us £50 or something in a card when they otherwise would have got us a gift for much less. (I’m sure many will disagree that you can give a tenner or £20 in a card or the exact amount you like but I’d say many go in £50 intervals - especially family. This was what it boiled down to for us.

sweatervest · 12/05/2023 20:06

i bet the new thing will be to have a chip and pin machine (are they still called that?) at the reception and then you can just pay your way in and that way the mr and mrs will save money on getting "show me the money"/similar on the invite

if an invite says give us cash then i pretend to have not seen it and i buy them something like a book and then write in it so that they can't take it back.

Kaz88 · 12/05/2023 20:06

*Many will disagree and SAY that you CAN put whatever amount in a card, however small, I meant.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 12/05/2023 20:13

sweatervest · 12/05/2023 20:06

i bet the new thing will be to have a chip and pin machine (are they still called that?) at the reception and then you can just pay your way in and that way the mr and mrs will save money on getting "show me the money"/similar on the invite

if an invite says give us cash then i pretend to have not seen it and i buy them something like a book and then write in it so that they can't take it back.

You don't understand what gifts are, do you?

If you don't care about giving people something they'll like and actively try to stop them getting rid of it...don't you at least care about wasting your money?

Lottapianos · 12/05/2023 21:12

'if an invite says give us cash then i pretend to have not seen it and i buy them something like a book and then write in it so that they can't take it back.'

I know someone like you who gives garden centre vouchers on (some kind of weird) principle if they get a cash request for a wedding they are invited to. No idea why you would be so mean and petty. Might as well spend the money on something people actually want

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 12/05/2023 21:57

I liked what they used to do in Cyprus when we lived there - very up front! At least at village weddings, once the couple got up to dance, guests would pin money on the bride’s dress. Usually a very good haul!

I bet that gets awkward if somebody tries to give coins - or if they only have a £50 note and try to take some change

CabbagePatchDole · 12/05/2023 22:20

ZiriForEver · 11/05/2023 21:14

Great, what's the problem? I suppose they were ok with that - many pairs don't ask for money in order to raise a significant amount, they just don't want to end up with lots of stuff.

It doesn't really matter whether they ask for honeymoon money or charity donations, someone will be always dissatisfied that they can't impose your choice of toaster on the pair.

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L don't see how asking for a donation is any different from putting money in a birthday card, which is common practice.

snowlady4 · 12/05/2023 22:33

I hate this too. They are going to get money in the cards anyway! No need for it. Tasteless

Tourmalines · 12/05/2023 22:44

sweatervest · 12/05/2023 20:06

i bet the new thing will be to have a chip and pin machine (are they still called that?) at the reception and then you can just pay your way in and that way the mr and mrs will save money on getting "show me the money"/similar on the invite

if an invite says give us cash then i pretend to have not seen it and i buy them something like a book and then write in it so that they can't take it back.

How petty and mean . Probably a book on how not to waste your money . But you just did.

JandalsAlways · 12/05/2023 22:55

sweatervest · 12/05/2023 20:06

i bet the new thing will be to have a chip and pin machine (are they still called that?) at the reception and then you can just pay your way in and that way the mr and mrs will save money on getting "show me the money"/similar on the invite

if an invite says give us cash then i pretend to have not seen it and i buy them something like a book and then write in it so that they can't take it back.

You sound like a very sad and mean person

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/05/2023 23:48

JandalsAlways · 12/05/2023 22:55

You sound like a very sad and mean person

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@sweatervest

i bet you don’t get invited to many weddings!

VoiceOfCommonSense · 13/05/2023 00:13

CheersForThatEh · 10/05/2023 21:54

Giving £50 to charity still costs you £50.

They dont need to be virtuous all the time.

You sound really nasty and jealous of them.

Haha I was thinking this too 🤣🤣