Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

Agree it's very tacky.

But then I think the same about baby showers.. just a bring me a present event.

It is so they don't get inundated with wedding gifts they don't want - bottles of champagne, etc. It's usually worded to the effect of 'we don't expect any gifts but if you must' so there is no feeling of obligation to give money either though.

Every single wedding invite I've had in the last few years has asked for money - 4 or so.

Are you the vicar?

Me and my fiancé have done this. We don’t earn a huge amount so are struggling to save for a night away for a honeymoon. We would appreciate even a couple of pound here and there to book something. We aren’t asking much. And it’s just an option instead of a gift. Nobody has to give us anything. We already rent a house and have kids etc so have what we need and do not need lots of gifts. We would happily just have all our guests and no money :) it is just a gift option to help us

No. I don’t agree with you. I do however agree with PPs who say you sound petty and well…jealous. I certainly wouldn’t want someone who had spent so much time thinking about my salary coming to my wedding! I suggest you don’t go, that would be much nicer for everyone.

But you're happy to attend a wedding where they pay £100 plus for you to eat nice food, get pissed and have a good time in a lovely venue?

morelippy baby showers are a sore point with me. In the US they are organized by friends of the mother to be, not by the parents themselves. They are also for first children. It is in the UK that mothers organize their own baby showers for their third or fourth children.

Then everyone rushes onto Mumsnet to complain about 'tacky American inventions'.

It is the same with trick or treating (which is actually Scottish) and bridal showers.

Same in many other countries too.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Saves the newlywed from having lots of gifts that they don't need and me spending money on something they don't even want. When I got married almost 10 years ago we didn't have a gift list or ask for money towards a honeymoon, just left it up to our guests IF they gave us anything at all. In the end most people gave us money and it did in fact pay for a honeymoon abroad that we thought we'd never have.

Yea , funny that , or she won’t go, just sit fuming at the outrage of it all !

Get a grip! You do know you’re not obliged to a) attend the wedding or b) send any money.

I think it's common practice now for younger couples starting out and I'd be fine with that.
However, I agree in this situation it's distasteful.

I completely disagree.

Yes, it’s normal to take a gift to a wedding, usually money. We do for every wedding we’ve been to. But I (and many others on this thread) just wouldn’t ask for it - or even mention gifts on an invitation.

Btw, regarding your class comment, working class background as they come here. Piss poor growing up. My husband’s was very different though (eg privately educated and comes from a wealthy family). However, this was something we didn’t even need to discuss when planning our wedding. We both agreed we (personally) found it tasteless. And both our very different mums would have scolded us if we even mentioned gifts (let alone asking for money) on our invitation! 😂 I would never, regardless of income/class/whatever.

Oh give over, it’s their honeymoon.

So what if they earn a decent wage between them. Are they not allowed wedding gifts? Are they not allowed to say what they would like instead of receiving loads of stuff they probably don’t need? Why do they have to ask for charitable donations? Were you planning on going to the wedding without a gift?

You sound jealous of their lifestyle. Not sure why you’re even going tbh, you don’t sound like a good friend.

You are really out of order making the assumption they are rolling in it. Big house and kids on that salary actually they are probably not and could really do with some help towards their honeymoon because they have all the things that traditionally go in a wedding list, like a lot of people these days. It’s normal to give a gift when you go to a wedding why not give them something they need/want? Your suggestion of a charitable donation is so beyond pompous.

Exactly, but not going to the wedding would require class that many of such people don't have, so they just moan about the wedding, bring nothing but eat and drink to their heart content.

I think in this particular situation it is not distasteful, because they have all their need there is no need for anyone to waste money on tacky gifts that will end up in a landfill.
Insisting on bringing a shitty gift no one needs is the equivalent of buying one of those Bayliss and Harding gifts for Christmas instead of a gift voucher the recipient would actually appreciate.

It does make you wonder. I think it must be a British thing, don't know of any other culture where they begrudge giving the couple a gift to celebrate and commemorate their wedding. In fact many cultures give money. Very weird. Maybe it's just a MN thing.

I literally sent my wedding invitations out yesterday. Very small wedding. I haven't mentioned a thing about gifts or money. If they want to give that's fine but there is no obligation to.

I really don’t see what’s up with specifying gifts be money towards honeymoon or whatever

surely NOOONE goes to a wedding without a gift for the bride and groom so surely it makes it easier and better all round if the bride and groom specify what they actually want and will use?!

most people don’t want gifts like toasters. And even if you did need a new toaster surely you need to specify which one, colour etc so that’s it matches your kitchen etc. So in this sense I think gift lists are ok too.

People who earn big also have big expenses.

Anyone who goes to a wedding will anyway spend some kind of money on gifts £30 or £300. What is harm is giving them cash? Does it have to be dust collecting Tat or virtue signalling charity giving.

You’re being very Unreasonable!

The point is that good manners say thst you do not specify what you want until asked. Even small children who are brought up properly know this. Specifying a gift in an invitation is the height of ignorance and bad manners.

I must've been to at least thirty weddings and every single one of them has done this, so I must only know bad mannered people.

I hate the whole British beating about the bush thing, it drives me mad. Some of these answers sound like they come out of a 1950s etiquette guide for prim and proper ladies.

This is nothing more than your subjective take. Others of us think it's stupid and annoying to expect your guests to chase you, creating extra labour because you want to pretend you don't know damn well that people bring presents to weddings. You aren't the default.

I thought the norm was to include the gift list in the invitation? I know it is where I am? In fact it would be considered kind of odd not to (I remember my then mil bemoaning one couple and having to chase lol).. We were young and skint when we got married and did ask if people wanted to put in a few euros towards our honeymoon. Most people put 10-20, I don’t think anyone minded, and we shared when we got back about trips we’d done / meals out and thanked them.