Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

Does anyone on MN actually enjoy weddings?

@Arniesleftleg

so did you just think that because they’d spent that much you could just rock up with no gift then?!
also you as a guest will have benefited from them spending so much money - it must have been pretty spectacular wedding

Just don't go.

I really like these requests. The last one we had, the couple had a bunch of things they'd like to do on their honeymoon. We got a lovely thank you card later with a pic of the snorkeling trip we had contributed to. I thought that was nice. I bet they appreciated it more than a bit of a dinner service. But I generally go to the weddings of people I actually like and am happy for, so am happy to buy what they want.

I do. Can't understand all the pissing and moaning about them.

Oh honestly, it's polite and if you don't want to give, don't give. Nobody will
mind. Don't go if you feel that strongly, but don't go and accept expensive hospitality if you don't want to give a gift. I'm older and the choice was make a list of boring crap or accept five thousand fucking tea towels and fish slices. I've been to some fabulous and bloody expensive weddings and I'm glad to donate to something they'll enjoy as a thank you for their generous hospitality.

They aren't 'starting out ' in life so imho this is cheeky. 10 years, kids, and good jobs? nah they can pay for their own honeymoon.

That's a completely different issue.

@pineapplecrushed

eh?! so you just think that you can just rock up with no gift then?!

And you can stay home and pay for your own meal, wine and music.

Why would you even attend if you dislike them so much that you don't want to contribute to something nice for their celebration?

@TedMullins

”lol why is it a privilege to go to someone’s wedding? The whole thing is entirely for their benefit not mine!”

youre being invited to spend the whole day/evening at a likely lovely venue, with lovely food and drink, and probably entertainment in the evening. Yes, you absolutely benefit too (unless you’re an absolutely kill joy and don’t enjoy those things)

being a guest it’s helpful to not have to think what to get. I’ve always given £50-£100 (depending if it’s family or not) for wedding gifts. We are in the process of planning our wedding and I would actually find it beneficial to have money as a gift rather than something we wouldn’t use and it would help us out so much! Although I don’t actually plan to put that on the invite 😂

@TedMullins I assume you don’t get many invites to weddings, being a miserable person

Most people live together now before getting married so don’t need the old fashioned gifts of plates/dishes/towels etc. And by said we’d like money it saves the couple having X number of guests message to say “what can we get you?”

If they hadn’t included anything on the invite what would you have done? Not given a gift or given them money? Or spent whatever amount on a gift they don’t want or need?

I hate it - crass and tacky. I had a friend on wedding no 2 and I was going to give cash, quite a decent amount, - until she downloaded a tacky poem asking for honeymoon money and sent it with the invitation, I hate it. I gave her a guidebook to the honeymoon city and a small household gift. It’s so tacky, I can’t stand it.

@LuckySantangelo35 where did I say that I wouldn't take a gift because it was an expensive wedding? Very presumptuous of you.

People who are going can surmise themselves that the couple have their material possessions sorted and that cash/a voucher/a thoughtful personal gift, would be the better course of action

Exactly, OP - knowing this, the vast majority give money instead of "boxed gifts" now anyway, which is why I find asking pointless as well as tasteless

I do. Especially when the couple have made it nice and easy for me and given me a good steer as to what they want for a gift!

I think it's really tacky. And agree with you wholeheartedly.

The last wedding invitation I had in this style specified how much they expected towards the reception and wedding breakfast. Same story: an established couple, quite affluent and brass-faced enough to say they wanted me to give them £XXX for the pleasure of attending. I declined the invitation and used the money for my week's housekeeping.

Over the years I’ve seen it dressed up in so many ways but the message is still the same … don’t bring boxed goods, we want the money. I think it’s pretty common practice now … I’ve had it as a contribution to our honeymoon, a contribution to their garden makeover, a donation towards their move to a larger home when they start the family they hope to have … I’m like you. I find it really vulgar and that’s from someone who always puts money in the card rather than think of something to buy.

It's strange that so many people are so offended at a steer towards something they fully intended to do anyway.

Asking for any wedding gifts when you’ve been together long enough to furnish your own home is naf.

From user @stuntbubbles, on a similar thread a while ago. The ideal wedding poem for invitations, apparently:

Since we are British
Please don’t give me dishes
In fact don’t even attend
You drive me round the bend
Fuck you

I really don’t like any mention of gifts on wedding invitations, whether it be a list or request for money or whatever. It’s even worse if there’s a cringey poem, and worse again if it’s added to an evening only invitation!

Isn’t it the norm for people to give cash for weddings? Surely people don’t buy random household items or tacky Mr and Mrs stuff as wedding gifts these days do they?

For those of you who are saying you think it’s a good idea for a couple to specifically ask for money so that they don’t end up with several toasters - would you actually buy someone a toaster as a wedding present??

I know. Its really childish.