Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

@Viviennemary

nah, specifying what you would like as a gift saves people from having to ask and saves the bride and groom from Having to respond multiple times to the same question.
it’s a winner all round to say what whAt you would like if people want to give a gift (which lets face it, everyone is gonna do)

I initially read that as grim and proper, which fits pretty well actually.

TBH though I'm not sure this is a British thing these days, so much as a certain section of MN thing.

I'm guessing if you go back far enough when everyone lived near or with parents and just married someone front the same village the guests would all be neighbours. The couple's parents could probably organise the gifts and donations between them just by talking to each other.

Again it's an example of tradition or etiquette that wasn't wrong but it hasn't translated well to how we live now.

@Truestorypeeps I went to a wedding recently and the "we would like money instead of gifts" line was not only on the save the date, on the invite and the wedding website, but also on THE ORDER OF SERVICE!! I was really disgusted because you'd think (!) that by the time you sit down for the wedding service, that you may have already gotten a card / gift for the newlyweds.

I found it particularly insulting as the bride (friend from long ago) is quite well known for being VERY tight and her new husband has a very well paid job. Of course, it's your wedding and ask for what you need but to put it on the order of service I thought was very cheap.

We had an invite asking for £200 to do an activity on honeymoon. They are doctors. Hubby paid up. I was annoyed. We didn't go to the wedding.

This is such a MN issue, isn’t it. Everyone I know is quite pleased to know that cash is the desired gift - saves all hassle. Times have changed, most people getting married will have lived together for a while and don’t need another toaster.
I occasionally raise an eyebrow at the way this is expressed, I attended a wedding where bride and groom set up a website where you could send the amount of your choice or buy a specific experience at their honeymoon. I initially thought it was a bit out there but then, how is it different from a John Lewis gift list? They’ve already got all the stuff people used to buy as a wedding gift, so why not add to their honeymoon. In short.. YABU I think.

Yes, it's a MN thing. And it's absolutely ridiculous.

I don’t understand why the knowledge that people don’t tend to go to a wedding empty-handed = asking for money being okay. There’s so many posters protesting, “But everyone buys a gift!”

And I’d rather someone roll their eyes at/be slightly inconvenienced by my omission of the mention of gifts on my invitation (because they simply have to send a text asking what we’d like, if they really want to ask) or see it as me taking some kind of moral high than cringe at me asking for money. But that’s just me personally.

I hate this too. For one thing, it's so unnecessary - the vast majority of wedding guests prefer to give money or vouchers anyway - when was the last time any PPs went to a wedding where people had bought physical gifts? I've been married 25 years and even back then we got 90% cash and vouchers, with a minority of things like wine glasses. Surely to goodness these days it's just widely known that you are best giving cash - bo need for the bride and groom to ask specifically!
But the other thing that winds me up is when they actually say in the invitation - please pay for our honeymoon / expensive home renovation etc!! We paid for our own honeymoon along with most of the wedding costs, and didn't expect a free holiday on the back of the generosity of our friends and family!
On the whole I just find these twee little poems utterly cringeworthy and unnecessary as I would always give money anyway, and so would literally everyone I know!

I don’t understand why the knowledge that people don’t tend to go to a wedding empty-handed = asking for money being okay.

Because if you buy someone a gift, you're supposed to want to give them something that they'll like. So it shouldn't offend you when they give a steer as to what would be best.

And yes, I know that the thought is what counts. But if you're going to take offence when they indicate what would actually be the best use of your money or ignore it completely because you don't like it...how much thought are you actually giving it? And why are you giving the gift?

Oh god!!! 🤣🤣

For all those saying it saves you from having to ask what gift they want - 1, would you not just give money anyway and 2, if they didn't say what they wanted, would you seriously turn up with a toaster? In this day and age??

If you'd always give money and you expect people to give money, why are you so offended at a request for money?

I would give money. But I would be wondering if there was actually a physical gift they wanted but didn't want to ask, or they had a honeymoon fund set up and would have preferred something in that. Or maybe they actually wanted vouchers for a specific shop.

I don't mind sticking cash in a card but if I get a link to something specific I'm even happier knowing it's going exactly where they want it to.

I feel 0% offended and 100% cheerful I'm giving someone I care about what they want.

The only reason people are offended is because they enjoy the prissy ritual of people having to pretend they don't want anything for their wedding and that it's entirely unexpected anyone would buy them a gift when everyone knows that's rubbish.

Some people just like life to be unnecessarily complicated.

But despite us not saying a word about gifts on our invitation, we got cash from the vast majority - a handful didn’t. When they didn’t, we had vouchers for restaurants (we love food/dining out) and experiences that’d interest us. These were honestly our favourite gifts as we extended our honeymoon period with them and had so much fun together. We only had one token Mr and Mrs gift (despite lots on here rudely saying about a fictional “pile of tat for landfill” they’ll inevitably end up with…) and this was from someone who really doesn’t have much money. So I can see why buying a gift rather than cash is preferable for those struggling financially, when the cost is not as in your face as stuffing whatever they can afford - or, even worse for them, can’t afford - in a card. When cash is specified, I’d say most of the time it’ll increase the amount people would have spent on a gift.

But despite us not saying a word about gifts on our invitation, we got cash from the vast majority

Well then, sounds like a pretty normal social expectation to me. So what's offensive about giving a steer towards it?

Most people can make a pretty accurate guess at what a physical gift costs if they are of a mind to start making comparisons.

I quite like it. Saves me thinking. I look at the venue, guess the value of the meal add a little bit, and that´s that. Then there is the option of feeling offended about everything, so much more hard work.

I liked what they used to do in Cyprus when we lived there - very up front! At least at village weddings, once the couple got up to dance, guests would pin money on the bride’s dress. Usually a very good haul!

Whether they still do it I don’t know - it was decades ago now.

This exactly 👆

And I’d rather someone roll their eyes at/be slightly inconvenienced by my omission of the mention of gifts on my invitation (because they simply have to send a text asking what we’d like, if they really want to ask) or see it as me taking some kind of moral high than cringe at me asking for money. But that’s just me personally.

I actually think that's ok, because you're honest about it. You're willing to say outright that you just prefer doing it that way, you aren't pretending it's anything else and you've accepted that some people will think it's silly. You aren't kidding yourself or dressing it up as anything more than this is what I like.

Put 50p in an envelope!

cash only is normal in every other part of the world. It’s only here that people insist on buying shit the bride and groom don’t want.

I get that people getting married now generally have all they need for a house and that asking for money towards the honeymoon seems to be the "done thing". However I personally dislike doing this. My goto is therefore a wedding themed plant for the garden or a framed photo of the occasion ready for when they return from honeymoon. I have, however, also chosen not to go to the wedding, and given a more substantial monetary gift when I knew that the couple would benefit in relative terms.

We put this on our wedding invite - not because we wanted everyone to give us money but totally because we didn't want loads of shit we already had/didn't need - after being together for 10 years. It states they don't want a gift, but if you were wanting to, then cash towards honeymoon would be great. You can choose to ignore it.