Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

If people ask for money towards a honeymoon, I always give cash for their chosen destination.
im not paying 3-6 months in advance so they can go - but I don’t mind chucking £100 of euros/usd in a card … once I’ve seen them get married so they can spend it on a meal/experience whilst they’re away.

if you can’t afford the honeymoon, don’t book it !! (Apparently not the issue in this case, but you never know!)

If someone sent me that, I'd be so impressed that I'd absolutely give them some cash.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

This is genius!! Sums up MN attitude to weddings perfectly!

I’d be careful to assume ‘they’re rolling in it,’ as you have no idea of their outgoings and costs their end. They’re also paying for a wedding so I would think good etiquette would be a contribution that would reflect your cost of the meal as a nice gesture. I personally think their request is a great thing - limits waste and excess and will also be going towards a beautiful memory for them.

I think I'm in the minority here! I don't see anything wrong with it.

Almost every wedding I've been to in the last decade has asked for contributions to the honeymoon rather than a boxed gift and I've been happy to oblige, knowing that my money has gone towards them having a special holiday together.

Possibly it's a generational thing, as people my parents age don't like it, but most people my age (30s) are ok with it.

I asked for a honeymoon contribution on our wedding invite, and it felt lovely that all our family and friends had contributed to such a lovely and memorable trip. But according to Mumsnet I have committed a cardinal sin! 😁

We told people on their invitations that we didn't want gifts, (2nd marriage,both of us-late 50's/65) that their presence was was enough, but still got them!

Would definitely just put £50 in a card. People who earn more than you aren’t less worthy of a wedding gift. If they’re high earners and it’s a big wedding, it’s probably costing them more than £50 a head.. and they want to spend that to have you there celebrating with them! If you know where they’re going on honeymoon perhaps put some local currency in the card instead.

Oh fgs - most people will want to give a gift I’m sure. I think it’s pretty tacky to go to a party/event/wedding empty handed? You have the option not too of course but IF you do, you can give towards their honeymoon.

if they didn’t put that then I’m sure they’d end up with a load of random stuff they didn’t want and would end up giving it away. Having friends and family donate to your once in a lifetime honeymoon is far more meaningful. But again, no one is forcing you to.

It doesn't bother me at all! Actually I think it's a clever idea for a couple with an established home. It could be worded differently but seriously what's the problem? You would buy them a present they wanted wouldn't you? If you go to a Greek wedding the bride has vast amounts of cash pinned to her. I think you're just irked because you think they already have plenty of money... but how do you know? Are you their accountant?

YANBU, it’s so grabby. They should pay for their own bloody honeymoon!

I had friends who regretted not mentioning gifts on their invitations as they were then badgered by constant enquiries about what they wanted.

For that reason, I put in a sentence along the lines of if you wish to give us a gift, we would appreciate money towards future home improvements. It was easier than listing "Dulux gloss brilliant white 5l" and better that we bought the dinner service we wanted at the factory shop in the January sales a few months later rather than guests paying double for the same thing off a High St list.

When a couple likes me enough to invite them to their wedding, I tend to be happy to commemorate the occasion by providing what they want/ need to mark the occasion, even if that's money.

We had a starter set of plates from Argos that DH bought to make do in his bachelor days. It's lovely to use the plates and glasses daily that were bought in celebration of our wedding, that we chose together and remember the day that we were surrounded by nearly all our loved ones.
It just didn't work effectively to put it on a list.

People I know and would have as friends wouldn't be so crass.

Yep, 150 toasters, just what every couple wants.

I find it really cheeky. At a wedding Saturday where they’ve asked for money. They have a good amount of money between them. I’m giving the minimum socially acceptable!

Lovely post 😊I can’t imagine being so mean spirited not to give a couple cash if they ask for it. Doesn’t have to be huge amount. If getting a £20 gift, give £20 cash.

Here in Ireland it's almost always money or a gift card. No one specifically asks for cash but it's a bit of an unwritten rule

Great, what's the problem? I suppose they were ok with that - many pairs don't ask for money in order to raise a significant amount, they just don't want to end up with lots of stuff.

It doesn't really matter whether they ask for honeymoon money or charity donations, someone will be always dissatisfied that they can't impose your choice of toaster on the pair.

I probably would if I believed all the tosh about how you mustn't give cash, you mustn't give people any steer as to what you'd actually like, and wedding gifts must always be an item for the house because they can't serve any other purpose.

I did this for my wedding back in 2005😳 but we did not earn 150k and we gave everyone an envelope for them should they wish to contribute and it was all anonymous, some had £5 some had more and we didn’t know who gave what. I myself would rather this as it takes the stress out of what to get

only a few , the rest are miserable gits😂😂

You gave an envelope!?????

Holy moly

They will be.

Oh, out of interest, should they also pay for their own bloody toaster/s?

I don't like weddings, so I tend to decline the invitations. I went to one once with an ex, we were asked for "a contribution to the honey moon", so we gave them a bottle of sun cream.

Completely agree with all of this.

All the people saying “nobody wants 150 toasters” etc, let’s be real. It’s 2023 - couples live together already - nobody buys that shit anymore. We know what it’s about, it’s about getting specifically want you demand from people - cash. Tacky and grabby.

Imagine making someone else's wedding day all about you and what you think. How embarrassing. Let others celebrate their day how they wish. If you disagree so strongly don't go. But I bet you do. How knobbish does it sound to say you didn't attend someones wedding, who thought highly enough of you to invite you, because you didn't want to part with cash for their gift. Like I said, embarrassed for you.

If they have 150k income they will have everything they need items wise,not like a newlywed broke couple who appreciates a toaster from Argos.

As for cash present thats pretty common these days for birthdays too and not everyone is into giving money to charities.