I’ve never been hugged by either of my parents. I was wondering how usual/unusual this is.

[IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings]

Every once in a while when I read here about family hugging and even more so cuddling I just go ”people actually do that?!” and I was wondering if anyone else’s family is/was like that. Your childhood family or the one you’ve made.

And bonus question, for me this also extent to friends. Honestly I donmt think I even know how or when to hug. Is that sad?

For reference I was raised by boomers and I’m an only child and extended family is small also, no physical show of affection from anyone.

YANBU - no hugs here either
YABU - some or lots of physical touch in our family

This.
My mother only started hugging us, her 3 late middle aged children, after our father died 6 years ago. She realised she would never have human touch again if she didn't. She never ,ever hugged us before he died. When I leave her house I have to consciously think 'hug mum' because it is so unnatural to me.
Neither parent ever said'I love you'. My father never said anything about love. My mother said 'you are very loved'. I hug my children very easily. I tell them I love them and that I am proud of them

Fairly standard for those of us born in the 1960s, I think.

We do not hug in my family. I hug neither my parents or my siblings. I might lean into my mother for a kiss on the cheak upon arrival/departure.

OP@IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings remember that you are the grandchild of people who potentially suffered a lot of trauma in their lives through their own and their families involvement in both ww1 and ww2 ,trauma gets passed down generations and attitudes towards physical and emotional comfort/support can be impacted.

I can't compute how to parent without hugs and cuddles. My child is only 4 so I'm sure things change but she's always been so physically attached to me, it would be very difficult to avoid hugging! I'm so very sorry to everyone who has posted on this thread, or who may be reading it, who missed out on this important expression of love, acceptance, protection. It's lovely to read about those of you who've broken that cycle.

One of my dad's siblings says they were never hugged as kids. Another hasn't commented on that per se but always had a strong bond with his mum; going on my grandfather's anecdotes it really sounds like he hugged his children! So I'm not sure what to make of it, besides I suppose that one of them wasn't getting affection at least in the way they craved. My grandmother was quite a frustrated, uptight woman so I can believe she was not a hugger. I'm grateful that my dad was very cuddly with us when we were small, although these days it's just the hug at hello and goodbye.

I know, she said it quite often especially when I tried to hold her hand. If I tried to kiss her she would visibly shudder and move away 😂
I did find her diary when I was about 10 and should not of read it!! It basically said how much she disliked me and how everytime she looked at me I reminded her of my dad which reminded her of him everyday (they split when I was about 6months old) a lot of entries about how she wished she had terminated me etc.

she had my brother and met a new partner. When I was 2ish He was pretty abusive too but my mum didn’t reallly care by this point.

I think there is hugging family's and those who are not both are ok, I grew up in a non hugging family.

As in die hard 'We're not a hugging family.'

I realised the other day that the only time my dad has ever touched me was when he was hitting me.

I hug my daughters a lot

My dad never hugs me, mum rarely does but did when we were little and probably up until covid hit. We just aren't an affectionate family, never say I love you either. I've changed things with my family though, I hug and tell my kids I love them multiple times per day.

No hugs in our family. Suits me as I prefer my distance from people. We get on really well as a family - we don't have ridiculous emotional dramas but we are close in our own way and would all look after one another in hard times.
This kind of love might not be everyone's cup of tea but it taught me resilience and toughness and how to be alone when I needed to be.
I'm not cold or emotionally damaged - I show warmth and care to my pupils every day - I just don't need that from my parents.

Why, the baby boomers were a generation of people, she's simply giving us an idea of their age.

I don't think she's using it as an insult as some people do these days, or saying that they didn't hug her because they were boomers.

My dad no, I'd get a kiss on the head.
My mum was overbearing with her hugs and need for touch. To the point where I'm very much aware of how much I hug my kids.
I have said to both of them that if they want a hug and ask for one I will always say yes. I also said I'll ask their permission too. My DD has ADHD and I suspect I do too with possible autism, which means if either of us have sensory overload and then someone touches us it makes us pretty annoyed.
The kids have hugs at bedtime and before they go to school and I tell them I love them at the same time.
Dad isn't a massive hugger either but he does have his moments.
Obviously if our children are hurt then we automatically scoop them up (at age 8 and 9) and cuddle them until they're OK.

My mum struggles to hug but does do it now and hugs her grandkids. She had abusive parents though so I guess it partly stems from that. I try not to push her on that if I see she doesn't feel like it.

My parents were never huggers. Perfunctory kisses on hello and goodbye and that was it. Never used to say ‘I love you’ either.

I am the complete opposite with mine. Hug them and tell them I love them constantly.

Can’t stand anyone other than dh or my kids hugging or kissing me though. My friends ignore this edict, sadly.

@GG1986 Jesus fucking Christ my love that's awful :( I'm so sorry your dad was a massive bell x

Never a cuddle/hug, not even a hand on the shoulder. Never said 'love you' either. However bizarrely my mother was a huge believer in never saying anything negative to a child, 'as it has a bad effect on them.' My dad was very negative, and both definitely preferred the male siblings too. I've resented my upbringing more and more as the years pass and I have my own kids understand more how cold my parents were. I was lucky not to get involved in county lines etc as I would have been a prime candidate for grooming/abuse as a teenager.

I'm so sorry that message was actually for @VivaciousRadish!

Please forgive me! I have covid so my brains not working very well.

My dad yes

my mother no - not maternal at all

no wonder I went looking in the wrong places for affection - miserable and toxic household

happy to report I’m very affectionate with my children

when my stepdad died I hugged my mother and she said "Don't do that, I don't like it"
At his wake her friends hugged her and she hugged them back
what can you do !

I agree. I'm a boomer. It's a badge of pride as far as I'm concerned. OP didn't use it as a slur.

OP, as a boomer parent, I am a hugger with my children and grandchildren, but my parents were not very demonstrative. They did hug when seeing family they had not seen in a long time, but it was not an everyday thing.

The only time i’ve ever hugged my dad was the day of my brothers funeral. My mum hugged us when we were little kids if we fell or were upset but never just for the sake of a hug. We do hug now when we are saying bye but that only started when my brother died quite recently. I also don’t think my parents have ever specifically said they love us either although I know they do and I’ve never questioned that.

i’m not a ‘huggy’ person as an adult, I freeze when other adults hug me and I find it hard to show affection or talk about emotions and I’m sure this is linked to the way my parents were with me but I don’t feel like I’m missing out because I have no desire to do either of those things!

I do hug, kiss and tell my own kids that I love them all the time though even though it’s sometimes feels alien to me, I can’t imagine not ever hugging them!

My parents were born in ‘45 and ‘47. My dad was from a very emotionally cold family but both him and his sister were lovely, warm cuddly adults.
my mum was from a very warm family and she was very cuddly.
me, my dad and my brother all hug and kiss each other.

my husband is from a Huggy family too.

we love nothing more than squeezing onto the sofa with both kids, or all having a weekend lie-in in our bed with the kids, having cuddles.

No hugs or kisses for me as a child. Approaching 60 now. Spent a lot of time walking on egg shells making sure I didn’t get into trouble because however small the misdemeanour I had to endure a whole conversation on what they’d do if I got pregnant. Generally lasted two hours. When I did get pregnant I didn’t know how to tell them. I’d been married five years at that time.

my relationship with my children has been very loving and totally different. My parents and I have an ok ish relationship but I envy a lot of my friends close relationships with their parents.

I always thought it was just me who had a family like this. No hugs, no affection, no I love yous. Has left a real scar. I try to do the opposite with my kids but I'm not always successful. I think I can be quite cold and hard. My husband finds my lack of affection really difficult. I don't mean to be that way - the worst thing is that I think I'm really affectionate with him! But its hard when it hasn't been modelled to you in any way. OP I hope it's been a comfort to know you're not alone.

My family weren't huggers. My Dad was affectionate but my Mum definitely wasn't. As a result I'm a massive hugger because I think it's important.