I’ve never been hugged by either of my parents. I was wondering how usual/unusual this is.

[IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings]

Every once in a while when I read here about family hugging and even more so cuddling I just go ”people actually do that?!” and I was wondering if anyone else’s family is/was like that. Your childhood family or the one you’ve made.

And bonus question, for me this also extent to friends. Honestly I donmt think I even know how or when to hug. Is that sad?

For reference I was raised by boomers and I’m an only child and extended family is small also, no physical show of affection from anyone.

YANBU - no hugs here either
YABU - some or lots of physical touch in our family

I'm 52 and my Mum and Dad always hugged us, in fairness my Dad wasn't a hugger until he married my Mum, his family weren't huggers. Same for my husbands family. He thought I was odd to kiss and hug my parents when I'm leaving their house. He's a hugger now!!

Sorry I'm missing the point a little - but what's the difference between a hug and a cuddle?

Blind leading the bling here - but I thought it’s like a permanent hug while lying on the couch/bed….

I’m really sorry OP. That must have been so hard. Did they comfort you when you cried as a child?

My parents were born in 1955 and 1956. The family had its faults: serial unemployment and my DM was often shouty, temperamental and what we’d consider today to be controlling and verbally abusive, but they were huggers. I’d sit on their laps and always give a hug and a kiss goodnight.

I give them a hug and kiss when I see them now and am very cuddly and tactile with my own DS.

Same here as well. Parents clearly love us and display affection in other ways but never physically demonstrative to me and my sibling and not to each other either. Last time I remember a hug was getting my gcse results (I’m 43) and it was already very rare then. I am the total opposite with dh and ds and will hug ds until my dying day. Whether he likes it or not 😂

No hugs, no cuddles, no I love you's. My parents just aren't like that, they just don't do feelings, although they do love me.
I tell my girls everyday that I love them and give them as many hugs and cuddles as they want.

Oh no, I’m so sorry! 😅

Same here, nothing was ever good (enough), always criticism.

I don’t remember being hugged, my parents weren’t particularly huggy people but I honestly, genuinely believe that although I don’t remember hugs I think they probably hugged me a lot when I was baby/toddler.

Perhaps I stopped wanting hugs? Either way it’s fine, hugs aren’t the only way of loving someone.

I have 3 adult kids and only one is huggy. We hug and hold hands and skip down the road and all kinds of silliness - the other 2 aren’t huggy at all. I hugged all my kids until they didn’t want hugging any more. I love them all.

Ah no. That's sad for your brother. : (
I have no memories of being hugged as a child. Parents never said 'I love you'. I don't want them to now. It would be awkward. I do think it was a loss to me. I hug and kiss my children and tell them all the time that I love them and they are very special.

I haven't really thought about it, but I guess we did hug. I mean I still hug my mum now, but usually it's a hug as we are leaving kind of thing.
Me on the other hand. I'm always hugging and kissing my son, and he often asks/tells me to hug or kiss him. Hopefully he won't run away screaming from a hug when he's a teenager lol.

No hugging, no “I love yous” with my parents of siblings and I’m okay with it. My dad actually shakes my hand when he sees me now 😂.
I am the complete opposite with my own kids and husband now, I love yous non stop and hugging all day everyday 😂😂

My mum wasn’t huggy at all. I remember seeing two sixth form friends hug after summer hols and wondering if that was normal.

im really huggy now and I’ve taught my mum. Hug my DC/friends/DH lots

This is so sad. My parents were born in '40 and '41. My Dsis and I had cuddles, affection, interest - all that good stuff. They were very 70s and deliberately parented very differently from their own parents.

Hugs to say goodnight in my family growing up, and to say hello and goodbye now as an adult.

We never say “I love you” and I can’t say it now to my family now, it would feel so forced and cheesy. We do all know without a doubt that we love each other though.

@VestaTilley

Did they comfort you when you cried as a child?

No, I always cried in secret/ alone, under my blanket.

I don’t know hiw they reacted / said when I was very young, but it to be pretty negative, because I always felt shame about crying.

We kind of lived in an odd way, where everything had to be ’fine’ all the time, not happy per se, but so called negative emotions (other than my dad shouting) wasn’t shown or allowed.

This turned into a theraphy session, didn’t it!

your not alone. I remember trying to hug my mum I was around 8/9 years old and she said ‘stop touching me you lesbian’ I’ve never ever forgotten it.
I’m not a particularly affectionate person myself but I never ever say no to a cuddle or kiss from my children.

Small family here too. I’ve never been hugged by my mum, I think her way of showing affection is by doing practical things for people. But my dad hugged me lots growing up, and still does. Dh, me and the kids hug all the time.

This is so odd I was going to post something similar to this. Me and my mum hug but it’s very awkward. However she has never told me that she loves me. Even though I know she does.

Same, OP. No hugs, no encouragement, lots of criticism and comparison. Also boomer generation. But the way my mother describes herself now you'd think she was the most warm and engaged mother ever.

I have a more affectionate relationship with friends, but if someone is upset and I'd really like to comfort them I just don't know how to and feel so awkward - and end up caught up in my own awkwardness rather than giving the upset person my full attention.

My mother is technically a boomer raised by another boomer and last year had a little breakdown infront of me upset that her mother never hugged her. I found it odd because I can never remember my own mother hugging me as a child either and usually parents try to provide what they felt was missing from their own childhood.

I hug and cuddle my children , I wore them in slings and have always been attentive especially physically at the 0-5 stage, however being tactile does not come naturally for me and it takes a conscious effort to do this and I do mean I really have to psych myself up for it sometimes.

I'm more affectionate with words, I say what I mean and I mean what I say, this is safe for me but sometimes people think I'm paying lip service and have no idea how much I truly think of them.

Oh no!

I’m so sorry!

I don’t mean to bash your mom, but what a strange thing to say, and awful thing to do.

My family hug but my husband's don't. I hugged his mum once in the early days and I still cringe thinking about how awkward it was 😂. I've never seen her hug any of her children or heard her pay them a compliment, but she always turns up with mountains of presents, food, etc. so I figure she just has a different way of showing affection...

No hugs for me and my Father only kissed me once , on my wedding day . I hug everybody now !

So sad
My Dad is not a tactile person at all but we have had hugs when I or he has been sad or emotional.
My Mum hugged us all the time as did all my Grandparents.

@IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings your family set up sounds very similar to mine!

Have you got children yourself op? Do you hug them?

I come from a very cuddly / loving family. I always say love you to husband, children, parents. We hug a lot and are very tactile, complimentary and supportive of each other.

I really feel for you, that can’t have been a nice upbringing