I’ve never been hugged by either of my parents. I was wondering how usual/unusual this is.

[IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings]

Every once in a while when I read here about family hugging and even more so cuddling I just go ”people actually do that?!” and I was wondering if anyone else’s family is/was like that. Your childhood family or the one you’ve made.

And bonus question, for me this also extent to friends. Honestly I donmt think I even know how or when to hug. Is that sad?

For reference I was raised by boomers and I’m an only child and extended family is small also, no physical show of affection from anyone.

YANBU - no hugs here either
YABU - some or lots of physical touch in our family

How sad.

That's very sad. I always hug my dad when I see him and say goodbye. I hug my own kids constantly.

Oh, bless you, op.

Growing up, my family wasn't that demonstrative. Mum and dad rarely held hands. They hugged us, but rarely. I wouldn't walk hand in hand with my mum like my 19yo dd does with me now, and I didn't cuddle on the couch with my parents like my dc are happy to do with me.

I consciously wanted more hugs in my own family, I think.

Do you get on well with your parents? You could always introduce more hugging - a quick hug when you say hello and goodbye? Same with friends?

You lost me at "boomers".

I’ve never been hugged by my mum either. My dad was very affectionate but he died when I was an older teen.

I’ve never minded my mum not hugging me. Her mum had OCD and was not affectionate at all so it’s learned behaviour.

Plus I know my mum would do a lot for me. She is a quiet, unassuming woman but she has stood up for me like a tiger when relatives have tried to hurt me and she still worries about whether I’ve had dinner. What’s a hug compared to that? 🥰

Same as you OP, no hugs from family ever, or since I was old enough to remember anyway, and my parents have never said "I love you" either.

I’m sorry OP.

Parents born in 1937 and 1940. Hugged often - probably more by my Mum, I suppose, if I reflect back. Lots of cuddles.

My kids get lots of hugs and cuddles too.

Same here, or not in my memory at least. Don't hug my siblings either but I'm guessing that's because we were never 'taught' to hug each other.

They must have hugged us as children and now I have my own children I wonder why/when they stopped as I can't imagine ever stopping hugging my children.

Not when I was a child- they’ve been trained to do it since by new partners. My brother told me that he once tried to hug our mum when he was about seven, and she pushed him away and said he was too old for that.

Do you get on well with your parents? You could always introduce more hugging - a quick hug when you say hello and goodbye?

I’d say were courtly but distant.
I don’t think I’d even want to hug them/ get a hug from them now.

You lost me at "boomers".

Sorry about that, didn’t know it was something someone would take offence of.
They were born in late 40’s - early 50’s.

I'm a child of the 50s and consider I came from a very loving family. Would give my Mum and Dad a kiss on the cheek when I saw them or left them and they'd respond affectionately. But not sure we were huggers. Don't feel I missed out or was unloved at all. We all loved each other.

I give my adult kids and some friends a hug.

My parents didn’t really hug me as a child either, OP.

In recent years my dad does a sort of side hug thing where he puts his arm around me but it’s few and far between.

My parents are also baby boomer generation -aka Boomers- which is a name for people born in the post war era and not an automatic insult.

Boomer parents here. My dad was more affectionate than my mum, but I was very rarely hugged. I love to hug my friends and dc now.
When my dh met my mum he gave her the biggest hug - he's from a huggy family. I don't think she knew what to do 😂

Same here.
Did they give any compliments, words of encouragement?

I swear my parents left me to raise myself and deal everything on my own.
And then wonder why I have low self-esteem! 😱

My dad is very stoic. No PDA, ever! Even with my mom, he was always very reserved (though they separated over 30 years ago).
He has only once said something to the effect of "I love you", and that was when he was very ill.
He shows his affection in different ways, though. He isnt cold or anything.

My mom had a lot of learned behaviour from my dad. So she wasnt massively huggy either, but a lot more than my dad.
From a few years ago shes become a lot more vocal with her "i love you"s, because of a good friend of hers!

She would love to give me more hugs and cuddles now (Im 40!), but I dont particularly love being touched, so we keep it brief!!

But yeah, didnt grow up with a lot of hugs or cuddles.

Lots of hugging in our family.
My Dad finds it a bit awkward, he’s not an outwardly affectionate person but for example a few days ago we were all watching tv and I laid down with my head on his lap.

Very close with my Mum, often randomly grab and hug/do a little dance if I’m walking past her.

I hug my parents every time I see them, normally twice, when we arrive and when we leave, I’m 36. We say love you all the time as well and kiss each other, although on the cheek now I’m older. I hug my sister and say I love her also.

Dh’s parents were never ever the huggy type and in the 19 years I’ve known him, FIL has hugged me 3 times (our wedding day, the first time we saw him after covid restrictions had lifted and when MIL died.) Dh can’t remember being hugged as a child or an adult and said I love you to his mum for the first time in 20 years or so on her death bed. Don’t think he’s ever said it to his dad while I’ve been with him at least and I’ve never heard either parent say it to him. He is not demonstrative with his siblings either and they aren’t with him.

With our own children he is wonderful and covers them in hugs and kisses and tells them he loves them every day.

Same here OP, no hugs or kisses from my parents. It's just the way they were/are and I accepted it. I remember being 11 and feeling deeply uncomfortable that a friend's father came ice skating on her birthday with us, and talked to and laughed with us.

We all have our own normal.

No hugs or any physical signs of affection from my parents.

When I asked them why as an adult they said hugs were overrated and meaningless.

I also don't like hugging people, which is because I think is a result of my upbringing.

😥

I hug my children every day! They are 9 and 11. I reckon even as adults I'll hug them when I see them! I also tell them daily how much I love them :) Now my oldest is 11 and will shortly be at secondary school, he gets a bit embarrassed about a big cuddle goodbye at the school gates!! 😉 So I've eased off! But I hug them at home. Always hug them before they go to bed and tell them I love them.

My parents were far far from ideal. But my mum did give good hugs and I am thankful for that.

Hugs and being told you are loved as a child (and even adult child) is v important in my opinion.

Hugging friends? Not my thing really! I feel v awkward when friends hug me!!! Not my cup of tea!!

Hugging DH? Oh yes, absolutely, everyday!!! And we tell each other how much we love each other every day too! Even after being together almost 20years!!

Sorry I'm missing the point a little - but what's the difference between a hug and a cuddle? 🤔

I was hugged, yes. I don't particularly like hugging my parents but I do it when they instigate it. I love hugging my kids, but I make sure I ask first.

Oh that's made me sad. My mum wasn't hugged a lot and she wanted to do the opposite for me so I was hugged loads. I'm the same with my boys, lots of hugs and kisses (but respect when they say no).

We are not overly huggy, maybe when we say goodbye (we see each other maybe once every few months due to distance) but i can't imagine being any closer. We are a fiercely close and loving family, Just not that tactile and we dont talk about physical intimacy either which i know some other families do. I dont find it an issue, but i have wondered if it makes me generally more hesitant to hug others - like i always assume others wont want a hug from me somehow

Almost no hugs and they've never, ever told me they love me. My Dad wrote it in a card once.

@IdiotWhoDoesIdioticThings

No compliments here either, just the implication that I wasn't good enough. I'm getting quite upset now 😂