To think this is outrageous from the school?

[HarryViles]

DS is just 4. He is at pre-school attached to a private school. He had an awful first few months there - very unsettled and unable to concentate - to the point where he is now on waiting list for ASD diagonsis as the pre-school's recommendation.

However, the last few months he has been doing so well. They have always been a little cold but they are professional and followed the local authority's advice and he has responded very well. They tell me all the time how much progress he is making and friends/familiy comment on the incrase in confidence/verbal etc.

Long story short - I went to a meeting today to see about him going to reception to the school in Sep this year - I know they have places.

(He does have a space at a local state school which seems great - just big class sizes but lovely kids and teachers)

The private school told me they couldn't cater for him as well as the state system, and that 'kids like him are better suited in the state system because they have the resources'. They said 'those schools can do things like sensory rooms, breakout areas, and with additional funding can provide 121 support - we can't and won't do any of that as we simply don't have the resources' (the fees are £20k plus a year). The Senco then said "it's not our fault the government don't give us additional money for kids with challenges".

They also said "our governors want us to be more competitive academically, so they are going to invest in that, not support for kids who are strugglign. sorry to be blunt but that's the way it is"

Obviously I don't want him to go there now. We can't barely afford the fees by the way but he's really doing well there - he has friends, he runs in every day, he comes home and tells me what he's learnt - the change in his is enormous so would sell a leg to continue that if I could.

They keep telling me how bright and funny he is, and then when I say about him staying they say "no no, kids like yours aren't catered for here"

He's barely 4 years old.

Isnt' that discrimantory? I feel angry. I know he won't go there. But can private schools basically do what the F they like?

Absolutely agree with this. I just can’t get my head around how parents can view this as only a positive. Children with no concept of the spectrum of life. It’s fucking grim. People that are meant to be the cream of the crop and yet so fucking utterly shortsighted. I actually feel sorry for these kids.

@Misspacorabanne and school community too, so much respect for all the parents I know with everything else to juggle if a child has additional needs, we all help each other out and kids are the same. Sometimes there are challenges but no way I'd want my children to be at a school that did this to SEN children, a local state is similar and I don't really know who or what it benefits.

OP, ask the current nursery to complete an EHCNA (Education Health and Care Needs Assessment) to the county/borough that you live in.

They're lying to you about state schools getting more funding or having access to more funding. State schools receive around £5k per pupil. There is notional funding on top of this for children with additional needs, but this is very stretched and is a max of £6k more. However, children with significant additional needs can be granted additional money through EHCPs. The current school can apply.

If the current school refuse, you can request a needs assessment yourself.

The private school only want good academic results. They can see your child has additional needs (or possibly might have) and so don’t want to take the risk he won’t perform academically which will impact on their school results.
Parents who pay for private pay for a filter essentially filtering out all those they deem ‘undesirable’ whether that’s financially, academically or socially unacceptable. It all boils down to the same thing.
The school is run as a business and so they can do what ever they like.
It’s all so horrid. I really feel for you in that meeting- your heart must have been breaking.
However, find a good state school. Make sure you find out about the SEN provision and SEN reputation there. Your son is so young and will adapt after a few weeks.
Save the money for when it’s needed down the line- if any additional needs do become apparent then you may need to pay for a private diagnosis etc - most LEA’s have cut funding down to the bone for SEN it’s criminal and lots of children arnt getting the support they need as the NHS waiting lists are horrendous for diagnosis even in children.

This is my limited experience with private schools.

My Ds has ADHD and ironically it’s because of this we thought a private school would work for him.

We were also told they couldn’t take him for this reason

Private schools want great results at exam time.
If they could not publish outstanding results, how on earth would they get parents to pay outrageous fees to send their child there?
Sorry, but they only want kids who will boost their performance ranks and nothing/no-one will be allowed to let that league table suffer.
Its not about the children- it is a results factory.

(Im in Aus, but underperforming kids- even at 16- have had been kicked out of their school of many years, as it would adversely skew their position on the results tables)

Agree dodged a bullet

State and a ehcp and he will get help

Plus if you are struggling to pay/find £20k a year it only gets more Costly plus trips abroad

Save your money and if need be get a tutor in or some 121 to help of struggles at state

I can completely understand that you were hurt, but it is true that they don't get the funding for extra help. And why should other children whose parents are paying for private schooling have less care and attention from the teachers as it is being directed at a child with more needs than the others?

Absolutely understand why that stung, I'd have felt upset too. BUT given they have places available, at least they didn't just pretend they were fine with him enrolling to your money (private schools will obviously want a full cohort of kids to get max £) and then leave him struggling with unmet needs.

Not every child gets into the private school they want. That’s always been a thing. For all those saying how immoral it is for parents to pay for smaller classes etc does this apply to those rich enough to spend their money buying houses in catchment areas for good state schools, some of which outperform private schools?

Or middle class families whose kids attend state school but pay out lots in after school tutoring and specialist clubs to give their children that edge over a poorer family in the same class ?

Or Parents who spend thousands travelling locally and abroad to give their children a rich cultural education via museums, theatres & trips abroad ?bottom line is Parents will always want to do the best they can for their kids

All our school had was a requirement to have met basic goals. ie speaking by reception yr
Other than that their school was non academically selective. ( except senior school but the bar is quite low )
Im surprised they didn’t keep you informed more along the way.
Some schools are excellent at senco support and some seem to be very limited but they are not obliged to provide it.

It will be much better for your dc to be in a school that has plenty of experience to help him.

Be careful at state school too.

It won't be so overt, but I know of several examples of high performing, oversubscribed, OFSTED "excellent" state schools - primary and secondary - where they've done their best to put parents off applying for a place for a child with SEN.

And this is why they don't want kids like yours (or mine) OP. Because other parents will worry they're not getting their pound of flesh

I don’t really see the issue here. You pay for private school for a better educational experience for your children, but the school is being upfront that they can’t provide that for him so you’re wasting your money. It’s a business transaction at the end of the day, you have to try to not take it as a personal insult. Would you rather they accepted him, paid zero attention to him and took your £20k to save face? You need to put your child’s needs first.

@Sailingaround private school isn't immoral but it is exclusionary in a way that no other school type, even the examples you list aren't. Even in the wealthiest catchments you'll have people on benefits, lost jobs, free school meals and children with disabilities.

Grammar schools are exclusionary…..by exam entry
Many religious schools too….by religion
Both of which are paid for by the state.

Yup, he was always going to be vulnerable to this. They can just turn round any time and decline to take your money without recourse. Better that it happened at 4 than 15, halfway through his GCSEs.

The really awful thing about this is that some parents see this as a positive of private school - that the "troublemakers" can be easily got rid of. Never mind fairness, or evidence, or discrimination, or the fact it's often those with unmet learning needs or mental health difficulties that fall into that bucket.

Do try state school. You might be pleasantly surprised by the skills, and the attitude that every child is part of the community and they'll do their best for them.

I worked in a state school near to one of the most prestigious and expensive schools in the UK. We had kids every year come from that school because they were dyslexic or had autism or adhd. Frankly I think the teachers there must have been a bit de-skilled because they never had to think of new ways to teach. No kids to prompt them into a new perspective. Lucky escape for your lovely wee one.

School is tough with Sen - lots of private schools cater to ‘light’ SEN , but there does seem to be a threshold where they just cannot support without significant additional funding from parents.

school ethos is key -mine have been very well supported in their private school. Lots of early interventions (some of which required additional payments), but in general have been really proactive and accommodating in y1, and feel we have had much better support than we would have had at state school. I see children in later years with Sen that are well provided for and supported. I also know that some children from nursery were not accepted for reception because they had Sen that the school did not feel like they could accommodate, so even in a Sen friendly school there are limits to what they can provide.

if they aren’t enthusiastic about your child, it is not a good fit, and though hurtful, better to know up front. State school may be a good option, but there might also be private schools that are more accommodating.

This is what happens when you send your kid to school at a business. Your child will cost them more than a neurotypical child, and that'll eat into their profit margins.

They can afford to be picky, and so they'll choose the child that earns them the most profit, that's their only priority.

Ouch that must have been hard to sit and take. Good for you for being so professional. Sadly a private school is like a private club, if your face doesn’t fit they don’t have to let you in. Imagine a football team as an example, they have the right to exclude less able players from membership. Take no notice, chalk it up to experience and your kid will do just fine in reception.

Unless it's a private school specifically for special needs then they are selective and favour higher achieving children sadly.

Redebs · Yesterday 21:44
Of course they can. They are about results and reputation, not getting the best out of children.

A few schools are the way you say, but others are very much about getting the best out of children! That’s why people send their children to them

OP, I am very sorry that this has happened when your ds is happy there. The school doesn’t sound very nice though, and your ds would still have had to move from a place he is used to. So try to look for a good alternative.

They don’t offer the service ( resources) your son needs. Be thankful they have told you.

I think your mistake is assuming a private school automatically provides better specialist/1-1 support than state schools. Chances are, they aren’t set up well to continue to support your son. At a private school, the teachers may have significantly less experience of helping kids in this way and wouldn’t be able to always prioritise him. Don’t take that as a rejection of your son, but a failing of the school almost. I mean, you’ve already described his experience as awful and the staff as cold.

Their fees might be £20k but it isn’t a given that they use that money to invest in their SEND provision…that money will be earmarked elsewhere staff wages, school maintenance etc. You know it’s not necessarily value for money either, you are just lining the pockets of whatever the school’s key ethos/priorities are. They are allowed to be selective in this way compared to state schools.

Give the other school a chance. If you do have spare money that you’d like to invest in his education, you could try a tutor that can give him tailored 1-1 support. There are specialist tutors for kids with autism that have decades of experience and qualifications and could help continue this good trajectory.