To think this is outrageous from the school?

[HarryViles]

DS is just 4. He is at pre-school attached to a private school. He had an awful first few months there - very unsettled and unable to concentate - to the point where he is now on waiting list for ASD diagonsis as the pre-school's recommendation.

However, the last few months he has been doing so well. They have always been a little cold but they are professional and followed the local authority's advice and he has responded very well. They tell me all the time how much progress he is making and friends/familiy comment on the incrase in confidence/verbal etc.

Long story short - I went to a meeting today to see about him going to reception to the school in Sep this year - I know they have places.

(He does have a space at a local state school which seems great - just big class sizes but lovely kids and teachers)

The private school told me they couldn't cater for him as well as the state system, and that 'kids like him are better suited in the state system because they have the resources'. They said 'those schools can do things like sensory rooms, breakout areas, and with additional funding can provide 121 support - we can't and won't do any of that as we simply don't have the resources' (the fees are £20k plus a year). The Senco then said "it's not our fault the government don't give us additional money for kids with challenges".

They also said "our governors want us to be more competitive academically, so they are going to invest in that, not support for kids who are strugglign. sorry to be blunt but that's the way it is"

Obviously I don't want him to go there now. We can't barely afford the fees by the way but he's really doing well there - he has friends, he runs in every day, he comes home and tells me what he's learnt - the change in his is enormous so would sell a leg to continue that if I could.

They keep telling me how bright and funny he is, and then when I say about him staying they say "no no, kids like yours aren't catered for here"

He's barely 4 years old.

Isnt' that discrimantory? I feel angry. I know he won't go there. But can private schools basically do what the F they like?

They said 'those schools can do things like sensory rooms, breakout areas, and with additional funding can provide 121 support - we can't and won't do any of that as we simply don't have the resources'

Most main stream state schools DO NOT have sensory rooms or breakout areas nor will your son have 121 support initally.

This strikes me as either a massively delusional thing to tell you, something to get rid of you and treating you like a fecking idiot who has no clue of reality OR they are telling you sensitively they don't think your child will cope in mainstream school and that his needs are serious enough that hes more suited to a specialist school instead.

Either way, you need to be aware of this and do not have this as your expectation. I personally would challenge them as lying and trying to fob you off with bullshit and not having the decency to be honest with you.

And there you have it. Yet another reason why selective, private education is a disgrace.

They're lying btw. State school can't offer more resources , since we are on our knees thanks to SEND funding cuts and non funded pay rises.

State school deputy head here.

I agree with @Beverlybeier on the choose your battles front. For your child, this is not the school for him, and probably isn't a brilliant setting full stop, to be honest - who wants to learn from those who give up at the first sign of difficulty? Really good teaching is about being nimble enough to work around challenges.

Your boy may thrive at another independent school, that is more forward-looking and just ... tries harder.

You have legal protections and rights to special education. You sound switched on so I think your child will do just fine.

What a good job the state sector is there to cater for the kids private enterprise chooses not to touch, eh??

I'm sorry you've had to experience the maltreatment of your brilliant boy, it's the pits. Been there, done that, in a slightly different context. All I can say is, keep singing his praises, and with a fair wind, it will all turn out ok in the end.

My son has just had something through about his assessment. No details no information. Just saying they have taken receipt of referral from the school. I've googled at its currently at least 4 months before they do anything further. At least. So in terms of funding, there's fuck all until he's approved. He can't get approved until he's assessed. He can't get assessed because he's still of a waiting to get on the waiting list.

He should have been picked up by school last year but he wasn't. So that's one year delay right there.

I know there is a boy in his class who has waited for 2 years after being referred already. Another boy had clear issues in reception and still isn't sorted fully with funding/diagnosis. We are in yr3 now.

So the idea that your son will get more support in state school is so unbelievable it's painful.

Embarrass these fuckers and make them say they are managing your son out. Make them say it. Then say "as if I'd leave my child with you bunch of bastards. Thanks for letting a child down so you can get your precious high score"

Do what I did...Fight for an EHCP and then tie the LA in knots and have them pay for a specialist independent school at a cost of £30k a year and they pay me to drive my kid to school.

Said tongue in cheek but our local private didn't want my kid and there is no state school near us suitable for my child and so the only option was a specialist independent.

Took alot of work, fighting and money to get there...

@Flobber go you! You rock. Although this should not be necessary. LAs are in a hard place because they have spiralling need and limited funding. Not your lookout, mind, you did what any parent would if they had the resources.

This boy doesn't sound like the brightest button but would you still even want him to attend the private school which doesn't actually want him ?!

ODFOD. The only one who doesn’t sound bright is you with that pointlessly spiteful comment

That's a nasty and unnecessary thing to say about a four year old .

If you are talking about an EHCNA, there are statutory timescales parents can enforce. The whole process takes 20 weeks. By week 6 the LA must inform you if they are going to assess or not. If they are the LA must seek advice from those set out in Reg 6(1) of the SEN Regs and anyone asked for advice must respond within 6 weeks. And if the LA are going to issue they should issue a draft by week 14 and must finalise by week 20. If they aren’t going to issue they must inform you by week 16.

If you are talking about a referral for diagnostic assessment, you don’t need a diagnosis for support in school and an EHCP.

Unfortunately they are a business which justifies the fees to parents by their sky high results stats and amazing facilities.

Your DS will take up disproportionately more resources than another pupil which frankly the school would probably rather plough into flashy new facilities to impress more prospective parents. He's also less likely to achieve top tier exam results so may well drag their exam stats down a bit.

Basically he's a lose- lose situation for them so they're trying to get you to take him out. It's shit and not nice to hear but they can absolutely choose who goes to their school. Just get him into your local state school (glad for you that it's evidently a good one!)

'They said 'those schools can do things like sensory rooms, breakout areas, and with additional funding can provide 121 support - we can't and won't do any of that as we simply don't have the resources''

They seem to think you're stupid. They sound awful - imagine the kind of kids they're churning out into the world. You're better off without them.