To think this is outrageous from the school?

[HarryViles]

DS is just 4. He is at pre-school attached to a private school. He had an awful first few months there - very unsettled and unable to concentate - to the point where he is now on waiting list for ASD diagonsis as the pre-school's recommendation.

However, the last few months he has been doing so well. They have always been a little cold but they are professional and followed the local authority's advice and he has responded very well. They tell me all the time how much progress he is making and friends/familiy comment on the incrase in confidence/verbal etc.

Long story short - I went to a meeting today to see about him going to reception to the school in Sep this year - I know they have places.

(He does have a space at a local state school which seems great - just big class sizes but lovely kids and teachers)

The private school told me they couldn't cater for him as well as the state system, and that 'kids like him are better suited in the state system because they have the resources'. They said 'those schools can do things like sensory rooms, breakout areas, and with additional funding can provide 121 support - we can't and won't do any of that as we simply don't have the resources' (the fees are £20k plus a year). The Senco then said "it's not our fault the government don't give us additional money for kids with challenges".

They also said "our governors want us to be more competitive academically, so they are going to invest in that, not support for kids who are strugglign. sorry to be blunt but that's the way it is"

Obviously I don't want him to go there now. We can't barely afford the fees by the way but he's really doing well there - he has friends, he runs in every day, he comes home and tells me what he's learnt - the change in his is enormous so would sell a leg to continue that if I could.

They keep telling me how bright and funny he is, and then when I say about him staying they say "no no, kids like yours aren't catered for here"

He's barely 4 years old.

Isnt' that discrimantory? I feel angry. I know he won't go there. But can private schools basically do what the F they like?

They are being 100% honest. Independent schools do not cater well for SEN at all. I’ve kept my son in the state sector because of this reason. It isn’t that private schools are ‘poor’ they just don’t have fork out for extra TAs so they don’t bother. They don’t have to be inclusive.

OP I get that - but a photography room could benefit everyone. It's an extra curricular option that anyone could get involved in - like a dance studio or an upgraded art room etc.

I think they were probably clumsy in saying "we don't have the resources", as though they are cash poor when obviously this won't be the case with £20k a year fees further up the school. What they most likely mean is "our resources are all earmarked elsewhere year on year, and this won't fit into the already planned budget".

This really boils my piss. They just don't want him there, full stop.

Send him to the lovely local state school and stop paying 20 grand a year to be mugged off.

it is a shame that he went to the private pre school if you couldnt afford the private school, let alone them allowing him in.

does he have outside friends?

I agree that it is outrageous, but I can't say that I am surprised. Private schools are businesses and genuinely don't give a crap about individual dc (unless they are likely to bring some sort of prestige as an alumni of the business - hence scholarships). I have withdrawn two dc from two different independent schools to be home educated following autistic burnout (or near burnout - we'd learned lessons from the first incident) and on both occasions they completely cut off all communication except for sending a bill for fees in lieu. Initially I thought it was just the attitude of the first school, but the second school behaved in exactly the same way. Neither of my dc had their diagnoses when we applied - dd in particular was considered a bright prospect, as she is an exceptional musician (in fact, the two schools in question had a little fight over her), but they lost interest pretty quickly once her mental health deteriorated.

There is this private school near us that openly states this. They are the sausage factory in producing results. If they find out that your child has a learning barrier, you will be asked to leave or managed out. It's horrible. That's why save your money during state primary until secondary where you get a better picture and take it from there. Also some private schools which are larger, look at their inspection reports and find out how many pupils they have Sen which will give you a better idea whether your dc thrive there as they actually can accommodate. I know it's stings but it's better for your dc to know this from the start than be managed out halfway through the term where you've lost your place at state. Good luck.

Their selling point will be exam results. At every stage they will be weeding out the less academic kids who, down the line, will won't deliver the GCSE/A Level results for their marketing. There's a highly thought of school near us that, after GCSE, will kick out anyone not expected to get a at least a mix of As and Bs at A level even if they've been in their system since 3. Their marketing is all about the high proportion of students who get high grades.

I think it's unlikely it's true that they can't cater for him as well as the state sector. In the state sector he will be in a class of 30+ and that class may not have full time TA support. There may be a number of children with additional needs, some far more serious than your DS. The school will have a lack of funding and may not be able to provide specialist support. They may have a sensory room etc, but they may not have the staff available to facilitate it's use.

In order to get specialist support, you will likely need an ECHP. You won't get one now in time for September, and it could be a long fight to get one. From what you've described, it may be the case that your DS doesn't meet the threshold.

If you have the money to pay for private, I'd seriously consider looking at other private schools in the area.

I agree it is tough to hear but tbh I think they are better off being honest. A friend of mine (at the time) was told clearly that the (private) school she wanted to send her son to could not give him the additional support he needed. Because they were able to support my dyslexic son she was adamant it was the right place for her boy who had totally different issues and eventually hassled them enough she got them to agree to accepting him. Pretty much from the moment he started she bitched loudly and publicly about how little support the school were giving him and would not listen to anyone who disagreed with her. She eventually pulled him out feeling very bitter about the money spent.

Yes they can. But the fucking cheek of them moaning about not getting extra government money! They shouldn't have charitable status either, in a fair world.

I would say better they are up front and tell you now than you spend 20k for 14 years and then find out they weren't up to the job for your child..
Depending on children's needs state schools can be better equipped. Our primary was excellent with children with EHCPs.
Different children need different schools - one size does not fit all
I would thank them for their honesty and move on.

I work in early years SEN and my heart sinks every time a parent says they are considering a private school for reception for their kid cos I know they likely won't take them.

Private schools can do whatever they like. They don't give a shit, they just want to show off good results so they tailor who they let in to create those results.

It's a shitty unfair system. But that's why rich folk pay for private school, so their kids can be among the elite.

I actually agree that a state school will meet your child's needs better because they will see the whole person and not just a statistic that is going to ruin their SATS results.

I'm sorry this has happened to you but I think it is simply indicative of the awful private education system in this country.

I hope your boy finds a school who will love and nurture him for who he is 🥰

Private schools don’t cater well for SEN. They’re being honest that they can’t accommodate your son’s needs. At least they didn’t take your money and then tell you this a year down the line.

In my mind it’s discriminatory. If they wanted to be inclusive I’m sure they could find the funds to do that. Not as making special arrangements just for your child but rather bringing their standards of provision up so that they are able to include children with additional needs in general rather than turn them away. But they probably just don’t want to because they care more about being elite.

You’re right though, you don’t want him there if that’s their attitude.

It’s better to be told now than find out when he is really settled in. Private schools can do what they like & all the ones I know, don’t cater for children with additional needs. It must have been horrible to be told like that though-you have my sympathy.

It is discriminatory and it contravenes the law.

It's a private school they can pick and choose who comes. Of course they can do this.

Some private schools are so keen to protect their reputation that if ypu are predicted a low GCSE they won't let you take it at the school.this is for pupils with no SEND so not surprised that they wouldn't take him. I'm sorry though. Your son sounds lively and I hope he settles well at his local school.

After reading all these replies makes me amazed anyone would want to send their children to private school.

I know how much it hurts to be told your child basically isn’t welcome somewhere because of their additional needs but it’s much much better that they’re upfront about this before your DS does start and his entire confidence and liking for school tanks.

If it’s any consolation, my youngest DS is in a state school and they do have sensory rooms/121 etc, that more than anything else helps him enjoy school and not feel so overwhelmed with a fast paced day. I’d rather he was in state school than private, private school is incredibly cold and hostile, children don’t tend to thrive in any aspect outside educationally when they’re there.

can you take him out for the final term and send him to a different feeder school?

I thought that - 'we don't want to meet your child's needs, but we will spread a little disinformation about the state sector while we're at it - what's one more lie?'
EHCP thresholds are very high OP - in my school we have children with much more severe needs than you've described and no EHCP. Also getting the EHCP is no guarantee of funding, which very seldom covers costs anyway. Of course, many on here will insist your private school should carry on evading the taxman by retaining their charitable status.

In theory. But if in practice they say that the OP's child requires additional support over and above all the other kids in the class and that they can't do that, there's nothing she can do.

My son was effectively pushed out of private school. He failed the year 2 exam because of stress. When I complained and he sat there with me and the teachers and answered all the questions they still refused his admission into prep. He got a B in an A Level last year and is taking 2 more. He could barely talk when he was aged 10. It’s the trajectory for some ASD, they are delayed mentally / emotionally. His knowledge is immense but he has significant complex disabilities not just ASD so that B was a huge achievement. Yet private school with all their resource could not manage to teach him. I’m in 2 minds about private schools now as my son has some fantastic teachers in state 6th form. We used the money saved to pay for private tutors and he has an LSA in class.

That sounds like a really horrible thing to hear someone say about your gorgeous son, and no wonder you feel defensive if you feel he has been judged, categorised and 'rejected' at such a young age.

In a broader sense, it's unpleasant to think that many people in positions of power in the UK (eg up to 2/3 of the British cabinet under Johnson) who attended private schools probably lack experience of being educated alongside neurodiverse people in environments that are so elitist and exclusive.