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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds went back on promise the first time he was allowed to walk to school

162 replies

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:10

Looking for a bit of advice.

Today was the first day ds10 has been allowed to walk to school by himself. Mainly because the school was opening early to provide support for the ones doing their SATs. I have a younger child so we normally all walk to school together.

There is a semi busy 30 mph road he has to cross. There's the option of crossing both lanes at once (which we normally do) or walking a little bit further up to cross at an island. This is slightly out of his way by about 2 to 3 minutes maximum as he effectively has to double back on himself.

He promised me he'd go up to the island to cross.

I asked him how his SATs went etc, how his walk went and I asked him outright which way he walked. Him and a mate crossed the road directly.

So, he's owned up. But basically said, it was fine, that he managed it as no cars, he was fine, I'm over protective, he was fine etc etc. He ended up crying etc.

I've told him I'm disappointed.

I don't want to make a big deal during SATs week but I don't feel now that I can trust him. It was the first time he's gone by himself.

AiBU to say he's spoilt it for himself and he needs to walk with me now.

Any advice.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 09/05/2023 20:12

Nope. Is he going to high school in September? Cut the he apron strings a bit.

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 20:12

How is crossing at an island safer?

He's just doing what you've always done. If you don't think it's safe you shouldn't have done it for the last 5 years and taught him that way.

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/05/2023 20:12

I think if you usually cross the full road then it was a bit unreasonable to think he would do it differently by himself. Are there other people crossing at the same time so they would have had a group of people around them even though they were technically walking alone?

plasticpens · 09/05/2023 20:14

What an over reaction

PinkPlantCase · 09/05/2023 20:14

YABU if that’s how, as a family you usual cross the road.

Furrydogmum · 09/05/2023 20:16

That's like parents that swear and expect their kids not to, to be honest..

LCTikaheu · 09/05/2023 20:16

Yabu you should always set the example and cross at the safest place.

Original poster
UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:16

Yes, high school in September.

With the island he only needs to time a one lane cross. Not two.

But, yes, as a family we cross at once. So does everyone cutting down our road.

I do feel a bit conflicted and over protective...

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 09/05/2023 20:16

So it's a "do as I say, not as I do" argument?

NuffSaidSam · 09/05/2023 20:17

If you punish him then you're punishing him for telling the truth. He could have lied and you'd be none the wiser.

It's also a bit mad to always cross the road with your children in one place and then tell them that it's not a safe place to cross the road!! You have to model the behaviour you want to see in your children.

That said, he made a promise and then broke that promise. I'd ask him what you think you should do. What does he think is fair? What should happen when someone breaks a promise/breaks trust?

Do you keep your promises to him?

MintJulia · 09/05/2023 20:18

So he copied what you have always done, and you are annoyed with him. ??

I'd leave him alone to get on with SATs. They are quite stressful enough.

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 20:18

With the island he only needs to time a one lane cross. Not two.

But he also needs to consider cars not indicating, driving too fast coming off the roundabout etc. I'd much rather cross a clear round than at a roundabout.

OldTinHat · 09/05/2023 20:18

YABU

neilyoungismyhero · 09/05/2023 20:19

We sneakily followed my youngest to school the first time she went on her own. She had to cross 2 estate roads and a major road with a crossing patrol. First one was fine, second not so fine as she cavalierly crossed in front of a car which was far too close.

We told her what we'd done and told her if it happened again she wouldn't be walking alone again.

Effieswig · 09/05/2023 20:20

Your son ended up crying over this? That’s awful!

I think you really need to take a step back. You are hugely over reacting

Original poster
UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:20

It's not that it's not safe, it's just safer to walk to the island.

I'm a lot older and quite frankly a lot more competent and aware than a 10yo child.

OP posts:
Clymene · 09/05/2023 20:20

If you want him to cross at the island, that's the behaviour you needed to model. You've taught him it's okay to dash across the road so that's what he does.

Original poster
UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:21

plasticpens · 09/05/2023 20:14

What an over reaction

At the moment other than saying I'm disappointed I haven't reacted.

OP posts:
Cc1998 · 09/05/2023 20:22

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:20

It's not that it's not safe, it's just safer to walk to the island.

I'm a lot older and quite frankly a lot more competent and aware than a 10yo child.

You should have shown him this by example then, but you don't. So why should you expect him to do so? Kids learn by following YOUR lead as a parent. I think you owe him an apology.

CaroleSinger · 09/05/2023 20:22

Don't be lulled into a false sense of security by a traffic Island. The island is only as safe as the competence of the drivers passing it. Statistically it's probably no safer. Cut the apron strings just a little I say.

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 09/05/2023 20:23

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 20:18

With the island he only needs to time a one lane cross. Not two.

But he also needs to consider cars not indicating, driving too fast coming off the roundabout etc. I'd much rather cross a clear round than at a roundabout.

What roundabout? 😵‍💫

YABOTT OP

MightyEagle · 09/05/2023 20:23

There's no chance he's going to walk along the pavement with a friend then let that friend nip across the road at the easier crossing point whilst he walks further up to the island.

I see that it's not all that safe, and I'm not really sure of the solution, but there's no point making him promise something that he's definitely not going to do.

AHugeTinyMistake · 09/05/2023 20:23

Clymene · 09/05/2023 20:20

If you want him to cross at the island, that's the behaviour you needed to model. You've taught him it's okay to dash across the road so that's what he does.

This is really all that needs to be said.

You can't do a thing one way with him and then get annoyed when he does it the same way. That's really bizarre and upsetting behaviour from you. No wonder he cried.

Original poster
UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:23

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 20:18

With the island he only needs to time a one lane cross. Not two.

But he also needs to consider cars not indicating, driving too fast coming off the roundabout etc. I'd much rather cross a clear round than at a roundabout.

That's actually a very good point regarding judging the cars exiting. Thanks

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 09/05/2023 20:24

10 years old not allowed to cross the street by himself until now? Dear god.

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