Page 2 | Ds went back on promise the first time he was allowed to walk to school

UserABC12345 · 2023-05-09T19:10:17+00:00

Looking for a bit of advice. Today was the first day ds10 has been allowed to walk to school by himself. Mainly because the school was opening early to provide support for the ones doing their SATs. I have a younger child so we normally all walk to school together. There is a semi busy 30 mph road he has to cross. There's the option of crossing both lanes at once (which we normally do) or walking a little bit further up to cross at an island. This is slightly out of his way by about 2 to 3 minutes maximum as he effectively has to double back on himself. He promised me he'd go up to the island to cross. I asked him how his SATs went etc, how his walk went and I asked him outright which way he walked. Him and a mate crossed the road directly. So, he's owned up. But basically said, it was fine, that he managed it as no cars, he was fine, I'm over protective, he was fine etc etc. He ended up crying etc. I've told him I'm disappointed. I don't want to make a big deal during SATs week but I don't feel now that I can trust him. It was the first time he's gone by himself. AiBU to say he's spoilt it for himself and he needs to walk with me now. Any advice.

Tinkerbyebye · 09/05/2023 20:24

Well you are hardly an example to him crossing both lanes, you should walk to the island as well, each and every time then he would be used to that

at least he has been honest with you

i would let him continue to walk on his own

Effieswig · 09/05/2023 20:24

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:21

At the moment other than saying I'm disappointed I haven't reacted.

Show quote history

You obviously have (even if it was a look or body language) or you have a history of over reacting which he is reacting to.

While else would he keep repeating that he was fine and point out you are over protective, then cry?

Original poster

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:25

Effieswig · 09/05/2023 20:20

Your son ended up crying over this? That’s awful!

I think you really need to take a step back. You are hugely over reacting

My son is extremely highly strung and ends up tantrumming and in tears every day.

I only said I was disappointed in him. I haven't reacted any other way yet.

OP posts:

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 09/05/2023 20:26

I think this is more a lesson for you than him OP. If you want him to follow your example, set the right one in the first place.

Longtimeloiterer · 09/05/2023 20:27

Between children of nearly high school age not knowing how to get a bus and not being able to cross the road unaccompanied what is it with parents tonight.

BellaJuno · 09/05/2023 20:27

I think it’s fine for you as an adult to cross both lanes at once as you’ve got a more developed sense of judgement for road safety. I think it’s not fine for you to set a boundary for your son then ignore it when he breaches it. He wouldn’t be walking alone again for a bit if he was my son, I may let him try again after half term. But he needs to know that he has to stick to what he’s agreed with you, especially when it comes to his safety.

FurAndFeathers · 09/05/2023 20:27

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:25

My son is extremely highly strung and ends up tantrumming and in tears every day.

I only said I was disappointed in him. I haven't reacted any other way yet.

Show quote history

It sounds like you have a bigger problem of teaching him self confidence and resilience.

perhaps it’s time to focus on teaching him some life skills so he has confidence in himself

tootiredtospeak · 09/05/2023 20:28

Dont punish him he told you the truth. Be honest with him say you appreciate that you've always crossed the road but that it feels safer for him to go to the island for now. You are an adult he is a child forget all this say as I do bollocks you are allowed to mediate what a child can do compared to an adult for gods sake. Tell him tommorow you want him to cross at the Island get him to repeat it back.and make it crystal clear if he doesnt or he lies he is walking with you. Kids still need boundaries. Maybe once he proves he can do that safely you can reconsider.

tootiredtospeak · 09/05/2023 20:28

Also this age is super hormonal mine cried earlier in frustration at there being no ice creams left

Original poster

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:29

That was my main issue and why I haven't reacted yet. It is very much a case of "do as I say, not as I do".

Thanks all. I'm happy to be told I'm being U if I walk him tomorrow.

He can walk himself again. I'll cut the apron strings.

OP posts:

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 20:30

@MyFaceIsAnAONB the roundabout the OP wants him to walk to...

GoodChat · 09/05/2023 20:30

@UserABC12345 no probs - definitely good to have an outsiders perspective sometimes

Original poster

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:30

BellaJuno · 09/05/2023 20:27

I think it’s fine for you as an adult to cross both lanes at once as you’ve got a more developed sense of judgement for road safety. I think it’s not fine for you to set a boundary for your son then ignore it when he breaches it. He wouldn’t be walking alone again for a bit if he was my son, I may let him try again after half term. But he needs to know that he has to stick to what he’s agreed with you, especially when it comes to his safety.

Thanks. A more developed sense of judgement is an excellent way of putting it.

I'll have a chat regarding the boundary.

OP posts:

peachespeachespeaches · 09/05/2023 20:31

My son is extremely highly strung and ends up tantrumming and in tears every day.

Can't possibly think why that is.

Mojoj · 09/05/2023 20:31

How is he still okay with his mammy walking him to school in his last year of primary?? We would have been laughed out the playground if we were still arriving at school at that age with our mammies😂😂

Original poster

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:32

tootiredtospeak · 09/05/2023 20:28

Dont punish him he told you the truth. Be honest with him say you appreciate that you've always crossed the road but that it feels safer for him to go to the island for now. You are an adult he is a child forget all this say as I do bollocks you are allowed to mediate what a child can do compared to an adult for gods sake. Tell him tommorow you want him to cross at the Island get him to repeat it back.and make it crystal clear if he doesnt or he lies he is walking with you. Kids still need boundaries. Maybe once he proves he can do that safely you can reconsider.

Thanks. That's helpful

OP posts:

summerfinn · 09/05/2023 20:33

I too would be disappointed. I don't think your being over the top. My son has similar reactions to being caught doing the wrong thing. It's tough. My DS is 14 and he only started getting bus to school September just gone as he can make stupid decisions. Your the parent it's your rules. Just tell him to walk with you from now on until he realises he has to do as you say.

Original poster

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:33

Fwiw, he is allowed out by himself. And crosses other roads. Just not this one usually.

We normally all walk as a family.

OP posts:

Original poster

UserABC12345 · 09/05/2023 20:34

tootiredtospeak · 09/05/2023 20:28

Also this age is super hormonal mine cried earlier in frustration at there being no ice creams left

There's hormones aplenty.

OP posts:

CharlottenBerg · 09/05/2023 20:34

Over-protective parents who grill their kids to confirm compliance with their strictures run the risk of their kids learning to lie to them. This happened to me! My mum said if my friend and I went to the big park not to go near the rough boys as they wouldn't play nicely with us girls. In fact, the rough boys were the best fun and helped us climb trees and (I blush to admit this) catch frogs from a pond. They shared their sweets with us. I used to come home quite grubby sometimes but always stuck to my story that we'd just played with girls. She told my brother not to go near the Gents toilet in the park because 'nasty men' went in there. So he and I hid behind a bush and watched. He went in once and said the graffiti on the walls was very interesting.

Kingdedede · 09/05/2023 20:35

FurAndFeathers · 09/05/2023 20:27

It sounds like you have a bigger problem of teaching him self confidence and resilience.

perhaps it’s time to focus on teaching him some life skills so he has confidence in himself

Show quote history

This is what I was going to say, you need to get to the bottom of him being ‘highly strung’

Stompythedinosaur · 09/05/2023 20:35

You can't reasonably expect a 10yo to go seperately off to cross on their own when it is clearly perfectly safe to cross. 10 is old enough to assess danger for most dc.

CharlottenBerg · 09/05/2023 20:36

Mojoj · 09/05/2023 20:31

How is he still okay with his mammy walking him to school in his last year of primary?? We would have been laughed out the playground if we were still arriving at school at that age with our mammies😂😂

This. Totally this. I went to school by myself from 7, and that's in London (Herne Hill).

summerfinn · 09/05/2023 20:37

CharlottenBerg · 09/05/2023 20:34

Over-protective parents who grill their kids to confirm compliance with their strictures run the risk of their kids learning to lie to them. This happened to me! My mum said if my friend and I went to the big park not to go near the rough boys as they wouldn't play nicely with us girls. In fact, the rough boys were the best fun and helped us climb trees and (I blush to admit this) catch frogs from a pond. They shared their sweets with us. I used to come home quite grubby sometimes but always stuck to my story that we'd just played with girls. She told my brother not to go near the Gents toilet in the park because 'nasty men' went in there. So he and I hid behind a bush and watched. He went in once and said the graffiti on the walls was very interesting.

It's called rules. Without them you have kids running riot and ending up in prison by 18. If you tell your child to do something as their ADULT parent for their own safety I'd make dam sure my child did it. If they didn't they shouldn't be just let away with it. Kids need boundaries.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/05/2023 20:39

summerfinn · 09/05/2023 20:37

It's called rules. Without them you have kids running riot and ending up in prison by 18. If you tell your child to do something as their ADULT parent for their own safety I'd make dam sure my child did it. If they didn't they shouldn't be just let away with it. Kids need boundaries.

Show quote history

Kids need appropriate boundaries.

Fixed that for you…