Ds went back on promise the first time he was allowed to walk to school

[UserABC12345]

Looking for a bit of advice.

Today was the first day ds10 has been allowed to walk to school by himself. Mainly because the school was opening early to provide support for the ones doing their SATs. I have a younger child so we normally all walk to school together.

There is a semi busy 30 mph road he has to cross. There's the option of crossing both lanes at once (which we normally do) or walking a little bit further up to cross at an island. This is slightly out of his way by about 2 to 3 minutes maximum as he effectively has to double back on himself.

He promised me he'd go up to the island to cross.

I asked him how his SATs went etc, how his walk went and I asked him outright which way he walked. Him and a mate crossed the road directly.

So, he's owned up. But basically said, it was fine, that he managed it as no cars, he was fine, I'm over protective, he was fine etc etc. He ended up crying etc.

I've told him I'm disappointed.

I don't want to make a big deal during SATs week but I don't feel now that I can trust him. It was the first time he's gone by himself.

AiBU to say he's spoilt it for himself and he needs to walk with me now.

Any advice.

How busy is the road?

If you and everyone else cross it the same way then I think YABU to make him cross at the crossing.

Chances are as they all come out around the same time there were big groups of kids and parents and they all crossed together.

I would focus on telling him to not be silly or run across if a car is coming and to only go when it’s completely safe to do so, rather than focusing on the crossing.

Children are worse at judging distance and approach speed, much worse than adults. Which is why it's fine for adults to cross two lanes and NOT necessarily for a ten-year-old. Depending on the road.

I find that explaining the science behind things helps DD know why I ask her to do things.

However I'm one of those who swears and expects DD not to. I also drink alcohol, drive a car and have sex. Because I'm an adult and I'm allowed to.

OK, have it your way, but I didn't grow up to be a crim, and neither did my friend (she's a solicitor and Lib Dem councillor). We knew which 'rules' to tactfully ignore and which ones mattered.

I remember the years of waiting for the Green man even when there were no cars in sight because the kids were with me! You’ve shown him it’s safe to do this so why wouldn’t he?

You wouldn’t be allowed now - DS also goes to school in Herne Hill, and only Y6 child can walk to and from school, and not with younger sibs.

OP is also dropping off a younger child, so would have to go that way anyway, at the exact same time - seems a bit silly to do the school run with your child but you and your other child walk 100m behind them just so they don’t look uncool in front of their mates.

He is 10 and has never walked to school on his own before?
Get a grip

She's got a grip already. You don't need to post nasty comments without reading the updates.

This was a little way down Norwood Road to Rosendale Road, and then up to Rosendale Juniors. At 11 I walked to Herne Hill and got a bus to East Dulwich Grove.

That isn't unusual surely? i think it depends a lot on the school and where you live etc because at my kids school most of the kids walk with their parents still.

Can’t imagine why he is highly strung

Is this a West Midlands use of "island" aka a roundabout? I thought you were talking about where you have a small bit of built up area in the middle of the road specifically for crossing.

What he did, the example you set, what his friend did, how safe it was, what other 10 year olds do, all entirely irrelevant.
If a child is to be allowed independence within agreed boundaries, and then knowingly breeches the boundaries, the independence should be removed for a time as a consequence to make the point its serious.
I really don't know why people dither about with this stuff. One day his life could depend on his obedience to your rules (don't cross the rail tracks for example)
I'd make him walk with you for another couple of weeks then reintroduce the independent walking. If you've reviewed your position on the island you can change the rules then. But that's on your say so, not his decision.

My DD didn’t walk to school until she was 10 because we lived in a rough area and you had to cross multiple busy, dangerous roads to get there.

There’s giving them independence and then there’s being a crap parent.

You might be more aware, but you’re also being massively unreasonable.

It's both. There are small crossing islands but right next to a roundabout.

It's a bit late in the day to start building his confidence for secondary school. Will he need to cross roads then or are you driving him everywhere? You've got about, what, six to eight weeks left to practise.
Start by being realistic. You don't cross at the crossing so it's obviously either a quiet road or the island is miles away.
I tried to teach mine never to run across the road. That's where problems arise - when they unexpectedly dive out.
Telling them to do something they just won't so is only teaching them to lie to you to keep you happy

This the kind of reaction my Dh would have with Dd. Luckily he was away her first week in senior school, I showed her where to cross for the bus at the weekend, and left her too it, some other senior school kids crossed with her the first few days.
Dh used to go for walks to make sure she walked home safely from Juniors. Overkill. Small safe village loads of kids.
Walk with him one more day (because you said he'd have too), and tell him to do it like you said. Then don't ask and leave him to it.

I'd think the sensible way to cross is, cross the full road if it's clear. If it's busy, walk to the island and cross each lane at a time. I mean, thats what everyone does, isn't it?

I think you're getting a hard time here OP! Age 10/11 (year 6) is about the time kids round here start walking to school or to nearby friends houses by themselves.

Compared to when I was a kid, there's a lot more traffic, plus loads more parked cars (so kids and drivers can't see each other well).

Crossing busy roads is one of the things it's probably justified to worry about.

I think it's a bit mean to tell the OP she's highly strung or to get a grip.

Ok for all those saying that she should restart walking with him is she going to use the island that is 2-3 minutes away and model the behavior? Or continue to cross where he did?

Because if it’s not the first one it’s pointless

There is no mention of a roundabout

"He is 10 and has never walked to school on his own before?
Get a grip"

Why would he have done? He's got a younger sibling. Only year 6 are allowed to go on their own at many schools too

How I would handle this is I would walk him to school for the next few days, preferably without making any fuss or even mentioning it.

Then in a few days time I’d let him go by himself again, and tell him either to cross at the island, or that he’s allowed cross the two lanes. (You decide what is best)

Have you taught him to go forward and not double back, and to stop on the midline if necessary, if he misjudges? It’s important to know what to do when things go wrong too.

There is. Island is used to mean roundabout in the Midlands. I clarified above, although confusingly in this case OP is referring to a roundabout but one that is adjacent to what others are thinking of as an island too.

He knows not to run. We never run. We wait until it's properly fully clear to cross.