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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep my son off school.

612 replies

ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:31

GM.

My partner has been admitted into hospital for treatment for his OCD.

Our 6 year old son is upset and confused, our 17 month old is staying at my partners mother until he has finished his treatment and is feeling better.

Yesterday he behaved pretty badly, and is refusing to go to school today. I really don't want to send him, because I don't know how he is going to behave whilst there, and I will probably be on edge for the whole day

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 09/05/2023 06:35

Sorry but I don’t understand why you have sent your 17 month old to live elsewhere whilst your partner is in hospital?

the routine of school would be good so perhaps stay home today but make it clear he goes back tomorrow.

jeaux90 · 09/05/2023 06:35

I feel mixed about this. Part of me thinking you are setting yourself up if you let him stay off and him staying to his routines are good.

The other part of me doesn't know the distressing situation you are in or have been through to have your partner admitted so maybe keeping him home is good.

iLovee · 09/05/2023 06:35

Sounds like you could all use a mental health day! Keep him off and have lots of cuddles. Sorry you're going through this love x

Barnbrack · 09/05/2023 06:36

Why is your baby staying away from you?

DDivaStar · 09/05/2023 06:39

I'm sorry you have so much going on, it must be a worrying time.

Not sure allowing your 6 year old will improve his behaviour just reinforces he can demand what he wants. Maybe one day won't hurt tho.

Alot of kids thrive on routine. I can't understand how your not looking after your 17 month old, they should be with you and your 6 year old should be at school.

0021andabit · 09/05/2023 06:43

I’m so sorry your family is going through this. If it was me, I’d give him a duvet day with lots of cuddles & attention. Mental health is important as physical health for kids as well as grown ups & it sounds like your 6yo needs some TLC.

Reasonableadjustments · 09/05/2023 06:44

Why have you sent your 17 month old away?

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:44

Poppyblush · 09/05/2023 06:35

Sorry but I don’t understand why you have sent your 17 month old to live elsewhere whilst your partner is in hospital?

the routine of school would be good so perhaps stay home today but make it clear he goes back tomorrow.

It was at my partners request, I find it very overwhelming to take care of the both of them alone and my partner is aware of this.

Of course; I don't want him living somewhere else.

OP posts:
Drywhitefruitycidergin · 09/05/2023 06:44

Keep things as normal for 6yo as possible.
School isn't optional.
Explain to teacher what has happened so they can keep an eye out for unusual reactions.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:46

iLovee · 09/05/2023 06:35

Sounds like you could all use a mental health day! Keep him off and have lots of cuddles. Sorry you're going through this love x

Thank you hun,

I suffer either anxiety myself, it's just all overwhelming for me, I did expect our 6 year old to play up because it's just me and him.

He usually loves going to school, but I know if I take him today I'll be on edge and probably have an anxiety attack and I don't want to force myself on other people.

OP posts:
Hercisback · 09/05/2023 06:46

I'm surprised you've got 17 month old going elsewhere. Do you have MH difficulties too?

Send him to school, keep the routine normal and warn the teacher.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:46

Hercisback · 09/05/2023 06:46

I'm surprised you've got 17 month old going elsewhere. Do you have MH difficulties too?

Send him to school, keep the routine normal and warn the teacher.

Yes I do, I suffer from anxiety.

OP posts:
Hercisback · 09/05/2023 06:47

A six year old shouldn't be your MH support and emotional crutch.

Simonjt · 09/05/2023 06:48

Your older child has seen that dad had been sent away (yes for good reason, but childrens brains don’t work like that), he has also seen his younger sibling has been sent away, so your seven year old likely thinks it is now his turn to be sent away.

Routine for young children is a form of comfort and security.

dig135 · 09/05/2023 06:48

I'd send the 6 year old to school so that he could see his friends and forget about the situation at home for a few hours. My kids would dwell on it more at home with me.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:49

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 09/05/2023 06:44

Keep things as normal for 6yo as possible.
School isn't optional.
Explain to teacher what has happened so they can keep an eye out for unusual reactions.

When I'm anxious it shows, I don't want my sons teacher to feel as if I can't manage and call social services ☹️

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 09/05/2023 06:50

If you weren’t suffering from anxiety and this was all about your child being distressed about his dad, then I’d say keep him off. However it sounds like you are also highly distressed and part of the reason you want to keep him off is that it will worry you if he goes.

So on balance, I think your son will be better off in his normal routine, going to school, while you should do everything you can to make things as normal as possible for him, rather than passing on your anxiety.

Pinkflipflop85 · 09/05/2023 06:51

ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:49

When I'm anxious it shows, I don't want my sons teacher to feel as if I can't manage and call social services ☹️

Show quote history

They won't call Ss. You're catastrophising.

He needs his routine, so send him to school.

TookTheBook · 09/05/2023 06:51

You need to engage with the school on this. If you keep him off today, what will you do tomorrow? Take him to school and ask to speak to the teacher or headteacher privately (no need to do it at the gates!) and explain the situation briefly.

It could be good for your mental health to have him at school so you get a breather today without the kids. All the best OP. It sounds like a tough time.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:51

Simonjt · 09/05/2023 06:48

Your older child has seen that dad had been sent away (yes for good reason, but childrens brains don’t work like that), he has also seen his younger sibling has been sent away, so your seven year old likely thinks it is now his turn to be sent away.

Routine for young children is a form of comfort and security.

He had not "seen" his dad being sent away, where exactly did you read that?

He is also six not seven.

OP posts:
Lefteyetwitch · 09/05/2023 06:51

It may be a good idea for him to be on the radar of as many switched on trusted adults as possible.
Usually I'm all for having a day off but I don't think with the way things are isolation is the best thing here.

Poppyblush · 09/05/2023 06:52

Oh my goodness ! get your baby back! I can’t believe you’d do that because your other half says you can’t cope. Is this true or is he being manipulative and/or abusive?

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:53

@Pinkflipflop85

My anxiety brings our paranoia, yes you're right he need to be at school, I'm going to have to bribe him this morning with a trip to Harrods/Hamleys straight after.

Thanks for your comment.

OP posts:
Okunevo · 09/05/2023 06:53

ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:49

When I'm anxious it shows, I don't want my sons teacher to feel as if I can't manage and call social services ☹️

Show quote history

They could direct you to better support maybe? I'd take the six year old to school, they will be better off with trusted adults and their friends if you are struggling. Otherwise they are likely to be picking up on your anxiety all day at home.

PinkButtercups · 09/05/2023 06:54

The other poster didn't mean it as I'm actually see them be sent away I think they meant they have seen that they've both gone elsewhere.

Your child needs to go to school. I feel you're more worried about SS being called and that's probably your anxiety doing that.

I do think you need to get the 17 month old back so your 6 year old still has some normality.

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