To keep my son off school.

[ThankYouMama]

GM.

My partner has been admitted into hospital for treatment for his OCD.

Our 6 year old son is upset and confused, our 17 month old is staying at my partners mother until he has finished his treatment and is feeling better.

Yesterday he behaved pretty badly, and is refusing to go to school today. I really don't want to send him, because I don't know how he is going to behave whilst there, and I will probably be on edge for the whole day

I would not be able to manage with both boys, I do not know how long my partner is saying in hospital, he admitted himself in as an inpatient but I'm aware he can leave at any time.

Yes; he is missing his little brother, he is so good with him.

Then you need help yourself. It's foolish to create children you can't care for by yourself. Things happen.

It sounds like you are worried what school will think of you. But you should focus on what is best for your son. If he’s well enough to go to school, he should go. The routine and normality will be reassuring amidst so much change.

Be brave, take him, explain to the school
what is going on. You won’t be the only family needing some extra support and they may well have ways to help.

So he hasn’t noticed that his dad isn’t at home? Apologies about the age mix up.

You said in your initial post that your son was upset and you were worried about his behaviour, however, your latest post suggests you’re keeping him off for your own reasons. you can’t keep your son at home just because you think your anxiety means that Social Services may become involved. At a time like this he needs the stability of a normal day to day routine.

I am going to take him to school this morning, need to get him ready now.

I appreciate your help and support 💐

This sounds so tough, OP. Does your partner’s OCD have a negative effect on you all? Is part of your anxiety caused by the relationship being unstable?

Can you get any help and support? I feel like, with proper support, you should be able to manage with both your boys, though I realize that if you are in the UK, such help may not be available.

Sorry you’re going through this. It sounds very tough.

Surely your 17mo needs you just as much as your 6 yo. Can mil come and stay with you or at least being dc2 to spend time together in the day? You may surprise yourself by coping despite your anxiety. Your 6yo will benefit form school routines rather than watching you worry. As you do not know how long this might continue you need to put better plans in place to manage longer term.

School would be the best place for him to be. He will be picking up on your own anxieties and you need to take a step to push through them. You'll feel better when he's through those doors and he'll have a great distraction with his friends. Speak to the teacher when you drop him off and explain what's happened and that you're all feeling delicate. I have extreme anxiety so I do understand how easy it is for your head to run wild.

Sorry but you need to learn to look after both your children.

Look after yourself OP. It sounds like you’re in a very difficult situation 💐

You need to send him to school and then you can have your 17 month old with you because you've all day with one child?

I think you need to get some support and help for yourself in order to provide a safe, stable environment for your DC - is Homestart available in your area? Are you getting help from your GP/therapy?

Go get your baby back home.

I know you have decided to take him to school and are busy getting ready right now but I just wanted to say that I am a teacher and we are used to situations like this.

You are doing the right thing - school will be a safe place of normality, regular routines, safe adults and friendships.

Tell the teacher what has happened so that she can support your son if he is wobbly. They will care and want to help. None of what you said would be a ss referral.

Why do you specify Hamley's or Harrod's? Surely "a treat" would suffice.

Why don’t you take him to school but email the teacher instead, so that you don’t have to talk to her.

I’d also drop him off at the last minute and pick him up with seconds to spare, so you’re not waiting around in the playground.

Hope you get on ok today OP and hope your DH is getting the help he needs at the hospital.

Also. Please don't use your older child as your emotional support crutch.

Older child has already had 3 days off. I wouldn’t keep him off another day on the back of a bank holiday week as I think you are setting up a pattern and making it more difficult. I would go and get your younger children. It would be good or you or your older child to be separated.

Ah it's you again.
I'd send him to school. He needs routine and stability, which he isn't going to get at home.

Send him to school. Focus on what he needs. He needs normality and the stability of his teachers and friends. Your children are the priority at the moment.

Get to school early, go and ask to speak to his teacher and explain everything. They can’t support him and you without being aware of the situation.

I can see why your partner thinks you can't cope. You don't need to bribe your child to go to school you get him up and ready as normal and help him feel safe by telling him daddy is being looked after by the fabulous doctors and nurses and will be home when he is better. Then go get your other child because the effect of not one but 2 of your child's family leaving are bound to make him feel a bit unsettled. Routine is what you need here.

OP I’ve seen a long post of yours before.

I’m certain you can cope with your toddler, but your H has treated you so badly that you believe you can’t.
While he’s away this could be an excellent time to reclaim yourself, keep your boys together and role model strong behaviour - with support.

Your children are already affected by this, please put them, both of them, first.

Talk to school or email, and they should be able to help, but please, for the sake of your boys, do something. Your partner is not a good man.

I think SS need to be on the radar tbh if you can't handle looking after your two children due to MH. That's pretty sad to send your baby away. How confusing for both your children. You need help.