To keep my son off school.

[ThankYouMama]

GM.

My partner has been admitted into hospital for treatment for his OCD.

Our 6 year old son is upset and confused, our 17 month old is staying at my partners mother until he has finished his treatment and is feeling better.

Yesterday he behaved pretty badly, and is refusing to go to school today. I really don't want to send him, because I don't know how he is going to behave whilst there, and I will probably be on edge for the whole day

So your partner won’t let the baby socialise?
How on earth does he cope with a 6 yr old at school?

I hope this isn’t real, and I hope if it is that SS can step in to help you.

Your partner is a nasty piece of work, mental illness or not. You have been made to believe that you can’t take care of your own child, and you’ve gone along with it! And you are allowing your children to be dragged down.

No, I actually wanted another baby, I was hoping for a girl. I feel as if our son would have been a girl the whole situation would be a-lot different, I would want her with me at all times.

this could be the making of our relationship.

You sound deluded.

Schools don’t contact social services - but the mental health team automatically put a referral through to gateway when a parent is hospitalised. they certainly can refer to Children's Services if they feel child is at risk of harm or neglect.

So neither of you work yet you can afford to pay for BUPA and to take your child to Hamleys/Harrods? Hmmmm, something doesn't add up here.

I feel as his partner I should pay, this could be the making of our relationship. This sounds very dysfunctional and codependent. When do you have another therapy session, seems like it should be high priority.

• @SchoolTripDrama I’m not sure which part of my post you thought meant that school would inform social services, or how that relates to anyone being a single parent? That’s absolutely not what I said. A referral is always* made when a parent requires a hospital admission. The Gateway team assess whether there is a role for them in supporting the other parent, sometimes this closes as soon as they receive it, other times they’ll check in with the other parent. It’s nothing to do with the school or being a single parent or not.

I hope this isn’t true because it’s all kinds of fucked up.

It sounds like his OCD has tipped over into Control/abuse of you.
He's the one feeding your anxiety and telling you that you can't cope, don't do things right. Stripping the baby to check for bruising is madness.
You can't bring your children up in this. You need to separate him from you kids and let them live a normal life.

Dear me, the more I read of this, the more concerning it gets for those poor children.

Saying this with kindness OP by there are some serious red flags here and it sounds like you could do with some support for the sake of you and the children:

Well to be honest with you, there were times when he used to say horrible things to me... I guess it would come under emotional abuse
And

I usually don't return back from the school run because I don't want to be around him, you don't understand what it is like being in a relationship with someone with severe OCD

And

Yes, because he doesn't trust me to look after him alone.

I've never ever brought any harm to any of our boys, he has never liked me taking bringing the baby around my friends, he says he doesn't want them holding him or touching him.

This is not a healthy environment for you or for the children.
No wonder you're feeling anxious when you're being told that you're incapable of looking after your children alone.

I don't know your situation, but if someone was to be cynical they might suggest that this man is making you doubt your ability to raise your children to keep you trapped in the relationship.

This whole situation is bringing harm on the children. They don't have a secure emotional base and the home environment is dominated by adult issues and adult dynamics that are unhealthy.

You might find that speaking to someone about your situation helps you realise this

He is not so strict with our 6 year old because he is able to talk.

So, because baby is a boy, he gets sent away when you can't cope? But somehow you would be able to cope if baby was a girl?

What a weird comment about if baby had been a girl.

Do you want to expand on that OP?

@ThankYouMama

“No, I actually wanted another baby, I was hoping for a girl. I feel as if our son would have been a girl the whole situation would be a-lot different, I would want her with me at all times.”

Oh this is awful to read… your 17 month old son needs you in exactly the same ways a 17 month old daughter would. Meeting their needs should not be dependant on their gender. This is truly sad.

The more you post, the more of a shitshow this all becomes.

I remember you from a couple of weeks ago. You posted that you stay out all day because you can’t deal with your husban’ds OCD, meanwhile he looks after the kids all day and the 6 year old is copying his behaviours.

You were told then that you needed to start putting your children first but you didn’t want to hear it.

Now your partner is in hospital and seemingly has told you to send the 17 month old away as you’re presumably not capable of looking after him given your partner does all the arenting

And now you want your six year old home from school because of how it will affect you if he’s not there with you.

The only ones I feel sympathy for here is the innocent children in the middle of this shitshow. And to be blunt, perhaps the kids would benefit from some social services input.

And you don’t see this as an issue? Red flags all over this! I hope someone does get social services involved. Your poor children.

I’m sorry OP, it must be very hard, I don’t mean this unkindly but your relationship sounds very dysfunctional.
Obviously you can’t turn back time but neither of you were ready for children and now they are the ones suffering.
I know you are seeking help for your anxiety but you may benefit from some outside help for your children and support with your parenting but I’m going to assume you won’t seek it as your partner wouldn’t approve.
You really need to put the needs of your children first right now or they will both grow up with long term problems as well and your partner’s behaviour around the children is very worrying

I'm sorry OP, but this is harming your boys. I apologise if that sounds harsh but reading your posts is giving me chills - none of this is healthy - those poor boys.

Tbh it sounds as if the baby is better off being looked after by someone else atm.

Is there anyone your 6 year old could go to as well? Clearly you’re not in the right headspace to be looking after your children and IMO they would be better off somewhere else until you get your act together.

This

what is going on here? All kinds of shit by the sounds of it mostly revolving around someone who sounds highly unstable and controlling.
Actually your children are being harmed whether you want to see that or not. You need to act in their interests and put a stop to this before you become as much a part of the problem and a risk to them too

Were you offered any support by health visitor @ThankYouMama not sure how your area works, but given your partner was only 17, you would have been where i am, are they still involved with younger child and you could ask for advice

Yep, horrible you don't care about wellbeing of a male child, but say you would care if they'd been a female. 🙄

I started off with great sympathy, but now I just hope this is fake. If you are real, please seek help immediately for yourself and your children.