BIL requesting to stay in my bedroom

[Revnol]

I'm 28 and currently living with my parents, not uncommon for people from my (Mediterranean) culture. It works okay for us, but one of the biggest benefits is that this setup enables my siblings and I to care for my mother who has had very serious health problems for most of my life.

Recently, we've had to move into a short term rental as our family home is in need of some fairly significant renovations.

We've found a comfortable home in a popular town in Devon. Two weeks into the stay my sister asked if she and her fiance could have my room for the week when they visit (annual leave).

I have been a people please for most of my life but I am starting to realise I need to stand up for myself where appropriate. So I said sorry but no. Not only would the logistics of changing rooms be annoying but this is very much my space/sanctuary. As you can imagine living with family can be claustrophobic so I very often retreat to my room when necessary.

It has got back to me my sister's fiance is annoyed. The room they will be in has a double bed but is not able to accommodate much else. But it is nicely decorated and clean. Whereas the room I'm in is much larger.

AIBU to say no? BIL's attitude/sense of entitlement had really rubbed me up the wrong way. BIL, who im beginning to see has a selfish streak, has a very strained relationship with his family and would NEVER ask this from his own bio sister. So, why me?

I was "given" the bigger room as my sister is often away for work and I'm not. I.e silly to have the big room sitting empty part of the time

AIBU?

He’s being totally selfish and so is your sister, although I guess she’s asking to please him. I could sort if understand it if the room they have to stay in has a single bed and yours a double, but they will still have a nice double bed so what’s he moaning about!

Stand your ground if I were you.

So basically, your sister wants your room because she brings a boyfriend and thus need more space. But they have more space since they also have an apprertment in the city. IMHO all that couple needs the room for is to sleep and to @&$(, totally different from : you live there! You need that space to distance yourself from the intensity of family-lige - exactly the same as people who leave home and rent a place! Would they demand your private space if it was outside your parents house? I don't think so!

Not a chance.
you’re clothes, underwear and personal effects are in there!! It’s ridiculous to sleep in spare room and have to either move your belongings to the spare or keep going back and forth to get your stuff

Your BIL is extremely arrogant. If he isn't happy with the room he's been offered, he should stay elsewhere. Your room is private. I can't believe the nerve of him.

He sounds like a truly vile man. When I was MARRIED, I offered to sleep in my old bed with my new husband. He'd always slept on the floor of my brother's room before that. The bed we slept in was a regular single but at College we used to sleep on a 2'6" bed. Your BIL isn't yet an actual BIL but is not only sleeping with your sister in your parents home but demanding a bigger bedroom to do it in! Definitely stand your ground. I hope your sister realises that no decent man would make her sleep on the sofa or demand things from family members.

I cant believe it is even being considered frankly. He is entitled twat! And your sister needs to be careful!

This need to please BIL to be in and of itself is odd. My sister has always been a free spirit. Very different to the other siblings who are a lot more compliant and happy to go with the flow. I rememebr distinctly a close family friend telling my parents to never clip her wings. She's my family's "cherry on top of the cake". So to see her bow down to a very unremarkable person is quite sad, could cry thinking about it.

Other siblings think the sunk costs fallacy may have a think or two to do about it.

Is it too late for an intervention? 😁

It’s sad.
but I’m glad you said no!
mid it’s mentioned again I’d laugh and say ‘it’s my room with all my stuff in’…. If they continue I’d literally tell them both it’s not up for discussion. And just walk off to YOUR room!

I wonder if this is shades of things to come with future BiL and how he perhaps views you - ie, unmarried siblings at home taking care of the house and not as important as someone with a big, grown up life (in his estimation).

If that IS the case, I wouldn't give him an inch - on anything.

I'm so glad you stood firm OP re the room. If I've understood correctly notwithstanding this is a temporary rental property, you 'live there' full time, she doesn't hence why she has basically the 'spare' room whilst visiting for a week - absolutely no reason why they should get your room for the week - and if they wouldn't get either of your other siblings' no reason they should get yours, when they are guests for a week.

But I suppose the bigger problem is the sadness of your sister cowtowing to this entitled CF.

Yes, I think it's quite important for future relations to stand completely firm in all respects against any CF or entitled behaviour from him, and good that at least your other siblings seek united with you on this front.

He sounds like a real pr.... I would forget all about it, definitely stay in your room but whatever you do, don't aggravate him or you'll cause a big rift. Your sister chose him, you didn't!

What does CF mean?
Bloody cheek. Tell him to fuck off. Who does he think he is? Are you backed by the rest of your siblings? I'm surprised at your parents. Your room. Only yours. Tell him to keep out. Good luck 👍 💓

CF is cheeky fucker.

Could you and your siblings club together to organise a honey trap?

I think your sister is making a mistake with this CF.