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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL requesting to stay in my bedroom

191 replies

Revnol · 09/05/2023 06:23

I'm 28 and currently living with my parents, not uncommon for people from my (Mediterranean) culture. It works okay for us, but one of the biggest benefits is that this setup enables my siblings and I to care for my mother who has had very serious health problems for most of my life.

Recently, we've had to move into a short term rental as our family home is in need of some fairly significant renovations.

We've found a comfortable home in a popular town in Devon. Two weeks into the stay my sister asked if she and her fiance could have my room for the week when they visit (annual leave).

I have been a people please for most of my life but I am starting to realise I need to stand up for myself where appropriate. So I said sorry but no. Not only would the logistics of changing rooms be annoying but this is very much my space/sanctuary. As you can imagine living with family can be claustrophobic so I very often retreat to my room when necessary.

It has got back to me my sister's fiance is annoyed. The room they will be in has a double bed but is not able to accommodate much else. But it is nicely decorated and clean. Whereas the room I'm in is much larger.

AIBU to say no? BIL's attitude/sense of entitlement had really rubbed me up the wrong way. BIL, who im beginning to see has a selfish streak, has a very strained relationship with his family and would NEVER ask this from his own bio sister. So, why me?

I was "given" the bigger room as my sister is often away for work and I'm not. I.e silly to have the big room sitting empty part of the time

AIBU?

OP posts:
mainsfed · 09/05/2023 14:54

Revnol · 09/05/2023 13:58

My patience with him has evaporated into thin air. Came down to see his lunch plate in the sink and it gave me the rage. Who does he bloody think should load his plate whilst he spends the PM in Bath??

This needs nipping in the bud.

Farikel · 09/05/2023 15:08

It would creep me out. Your sis and BIL will presumably have sex in that bed, and the BIL is specifically requesting to stay in your bed? There must be more to it than just wanting the bigger room tbh.

Personally my own bed is off limits to any adults except me and DH. PILs stay in a hotel when they come to visit.

Original poster
Revnol · 09/05/2023 15:28

I really don't think it's anything creepy just selfishness.

OP posts:
Katherine1985 · 09/05/2023 15:44

Her on the sofa @Revnol !!

He’s not very gallant then

TiredCatLady · 09/05/2023 16:53

Katherine1985 · 09/05/2023 15:44

Her on the sofa @Revnol !!

He’s not very gallant then

This - I mean WTF? Neither my parents not DP parents let me and DP share a bed until I was late 20s but none of my partners would have dreamt of putting me on the couch, even in their houses.

He sounds a right charmer.

MeridianB · 09/05/2023 16:55

It would creep me out. Your sis and BIL will presumably have sex in that bed, and the BIL is specifically requesting to stay in yourbed? There must be more to it than just wanting the bigger room tbh.

Maybe not anything creepy towards the OP, but it feels like a man wanting to mark his territory inappropriately. I bet he wouldn't ask OP's brother to move, for example.

OutOfMyPocket · 09/05/2023 16:59

YANBU. I'd go so far as to put a lock on the door for when you go away if your parents are likely to let them use it. Blame insurance.

JMSA · 09/05/2023 17:08

Gosh, are you all teenagers?! Confused

GrumpyPanda · 09/05/2023 17:16

Revnol · 09/05/2023 13:58

My patience with him has evaporated into thin air. Came down to see his lunch plate in the sink and it gave me the rage. Who does he bloody think should load his plate whilst he spends the PM in Bath??

When husbands do this I believe the usual MN advice is to put the offending crockery on his bed 😄

SchoolTripDrama · 09/05/2023 20:43

@OneTC It most definitely is NOT 50%! Certainly not round here

KatieCelf · 10/05/2023 00:58

What a bloody cheek!!! YANBU

If they have a problem with that then they can always stay in a B&B! That’s your room, your space, I absolutely wouldn’t give it up.

stand your ground, be strong.

Sevenbells · 10/05/2023 07:41

Pull him up on leaving his plates in the sink. He sound a lot like my BIL who has from the start acted like we all owe him a massive favour for having him in our lives - plates in sink, beer bottles left around, pissing on floor around loo, sponging money, expecting childcare. Honestly nip it in the bud now, start pulling him up on his rudeness before he trains you all to accept it.

Noodles1234 · 10/05/2023 15:51

Odd for them to ask imo, just say no.

mandlerparr · 10/05/2023 18:18

There is absolutely no reason at all that they would need the larger room. It is beyond ridiculous to expect people to move out of their room when a perfectly good room is already available. It would be one thing if they were sleeping on the floor or couch, but they have an entire room and full bed to sleep in. WTF is their problem? Do not give in. If you are forced somehow, make them move all your stuff out, every last bit of it. And then make them move it all back in again before they leave. Seriously, WTF!

FuckNuggets · 10/05/2023 18:26

YANBU. Your BIL can be as annoyed as he likes, don't let it affect you. Not your problem he's an entitled fuckwit.

Angrywife · 10/05/2023 18:58

If your parents are so disappointed you won't give up your room, why not suggest they offer them theirs. . .
Bet they don't

Angrywife · 10/05/2023 18:59

Oh, and get yourself a workstation with immovable monitors quick sharp 😜

JaneyB321 · 10/05/2023 18:59

You're definitely not being unreasonable, it's not as if they don't have a room to stay in. Stick to your guns, you can always show your sister this post to show her how many agree with you.

Emmamoo89 · 10/05/2023 19:01

YADNBU X

katepilar · 10/05/2023 19:19

@rookiemere
It just feels kind of sad that at 28 you're squabbling with your Dsis about what room in your DPs house you're going to stay in. Please forgive me for being blunt.

On the other hand I find it sad that in Britain its considered weird or sad to live with your parents if you are an (single) adult. Its normal just about anywhere in the world I imagine and bet it was normal in the UK not that long ago too.

LatteLady · 10/05/2023 19:25

Frankly, I would send him the links to some local Air BnBs, just sounds like he wants a cheap holiday on his terms... I suspect he also has short arms and long pockets!

AdoraBell · 10/05/2023 20:15

YANBU, tell them where the hotels are.

Justalittlebitduckling · 10/05/2023 20:27

People tend to kick back when you set boundaries. Let him. Don’t budge.

oosha · 10/05/2023 20:34

Your BIL can go stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. He is being rude and entitled, who does that and in a family that is not his own. Screw that, stick to your guns and stay in your room. Surely they can manage for two weeks.

EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 10/05/2023 20:35

Of course YANBU

You are in the house, caring for your mother. They are visitors for a week, and are being given an entirely adequate guest room.

Your BiL is being very selfish.