Is it just me or are narcissistic people everywhere these days?

[Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum]

Everyday I'm seeing threads on here describing sinister narcissistic abuse and women coming to the realisation that their DP/DH is a narcissist of some description.
What is causing the increase in narcissists?
Could it be that society is more aware of narcissism in general?
According to experts, only 1-5% of the population is a narcissist. So those people are clearly doing lots of damage somehow.
As for myself, I was raised by a toxic mother who was basically like another teenage girl in the house, the atmosphere was awful and she still can't work out why we're estranged.
My stbxp is a dangerously manipulative and abusive covert narcissist who I'm planning my escape from every day now.

I am in an absolutely identical situation. But abroad. (Hence battle with foreign keyboard autocorrect)

Court and police finally believe me. I have restraining order for 2 months and he was under house arrest for 10 days after getting in here and taking photos (moved out and trying to divorce for 10 months so far)

But I am one month down. All documents have to be translated etc. Bloody slow process.

It does irritate me when people bandy around the term "narc" on here, it irritates me a lot. Plus "ltb".

@adriftabroad I just can't wait to get this lunatic out of our lives for good

He's trying to come over this afternoon. I hope it pisses it down soon because he doesn't drive or use public transport.
My IVDA is meant to be phoning me this afternoon, I wonder if he somehow knows that.

I would say he knows.😟

I was taped, he taped me when I lived with him. Then said it was a joke.

So, when he was not there... was I taped or not?
Typical.

Can you speak to Women's Aid and get them to get you a place or on the waiting list for a place in refuge? When it's a situation like yours, leaving everything behind and taking your DC with you is a top option. Changing the locks to your home isn't going to stop him getting to you if he's in a rage.

I left my H with my DC's and went to a refuge. It took a couple of weeks to arrange and I was shIt scared the whole time. My H was diagnosed (through the military but nothing held on file with the police for Claire's Law) as having traits (on the spectrum) of Anti Social Personality Disorder, which also includes narcistic traits.

The people in the refuge are trained to keep you and your child safe plus you'll receive counselling and lots of help with legal issues. It might mean you can get away sooner rather than later.

True narcissism is quite rare and diagnosed by clinicians, not self-proclaimed therapists on social media.

But how many would every even think about being diagnosed as far as they are aware they are completely and utterly right in everything they say and do.

I would never have considered my mother to be a narcissist, I use to defend her, think everything was my fault even as I child. It’s only through years of counselling and support groups I now realise that she is absolutely a narcissist. Other people who have not been her victim would never see it, just like she never will, the thought of her thinking she has something wrong with her to need to see a clinician is almost laughable.

I do think like many other things it’s a word that can be over used, but I also think people are more aware of a narcissists traits and also aware of support and what’s acceptable and unacceptable behaviour more these days, so call out narcissistic behaviour more.

But there’s a sliding scale of narcissistic/selfish behaviour. At some point selfish tips into narcissism. But that is a very high bar. You can be very selfish but still not a narcissist.

@adriftabroad he might know but somehow I think it's about him proving he's a consistent father in terms of visiting. I dread being alone with him, he completely creeps me out.
I don't think he knows that I know about his sexual deviance so that's one thing I've got going for me. I've already got a case open with the police for domestic abuse so I think one day next week early in the morning I'm just going to go to the police with my evidence of the deviance.
I have to make some calculated moves now. Once he's in police custody I'll get the locks changed and get the court orders in place to keep him away from us.

@TipTopTastic I have support through an IVDA but the refuges closest to me are currently full up. My flat itself is really quite secure, I've got a video intercom, reinforced security door and I'm on the 2nd floor. My brother finishes university soon so may well set up camp in my spare room. My brother is 6ft and built like a brick shit house.
Once the locks are changed and the fob confiscated or deactivated, I'll be pretty safe at home and I'll get the police to tell all the neighbours about him in case he does get bail but I feel that he'll be remanded based on the level of sexual offending he's perpetrating. Truthfully, what I've discovered may only be scratching the surface.

I salute you!
Well done.
I took my DD to all doctor appts and hospital a&e, her whole life, but for the official appts for school he ALWAYS said he would do it as it was on record. Took me a while to catch on.

I think you sound nearly there. Do be careful of YOU.

I would say he was a malignant narcissist, not covert.

@adriftabroad I think you're right but he presents himself as vulnerable so perhaps that's why I first thought he was covert. I need to do more reading on narcissist types but I think malignant narcissists are the most dangerous usually.

Does your child go to nursery op?

@TuesandThursNero no he doesn't. Haven't got the money for it because he's not 2 yet.

Just picked up that you’re unsure whether he is breaking the law

he absolutely is and would be put on sex offenders list

and defence on the grounds of insanity is very uncommon and certainly wouldn’t be because someone was a narcissist

@TuesandThursNero he belongs in a cell. Padded or otherwise, I don't particularly care. Frustratingly, if I didn't discover all this he'd probably only get a slap on the wrist for the domestic terror that I've endured.

But you have now discovered. So you know there will be consequences. Very serious ones at that.

if he is caught and it is proven you were aware of the situation - that would reflect very badly on you

what I’m trying to do op is to urge you to go to the police before this evil man co tiniest and perhaps ramps up.

Does your child go to nursery?

Ah apologies

how long until he’s two?

Added to which on your other thread I was on… there is already history and authorities aware of him

When DS was born, there were huge safeguarding concerns to the point that DS nearly ended up on child protection at 2 weeks old. This was because he blew up at the midwife who recommended formula feeding to get DS back up to birth weight.

@TuesandThursNero I know what I have to do but if he gets bail he will be a serious danger. I just have to pray that they remand him. I think you can report via 101 online so I think that's what I'm going to do tonight.

I find this a very disturbing thread thinking about those victims and what this man could ramp up to do. So I will bow out

@TuesandThursNero DS is 2 in July so funding is available from September.
The authorities are aware of him but they offered a family worker for a while and he soon won her over.

I've done it. I've reported it to the police online. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it

I see where previous posters are coming from because these things can become trendy.
However it's all become a bit one upmanshippy... who is to say who has dealt with a narcissist and who has not. 'Oh mine was a narc, yours was just selfish and mean'. Etc, such a strange to say because actually it might further convince someone who has already been gaslit by the narc in their life, that they're not actually dealing with a narc.
Yes there might seem to be a disproportionate amount according to Mumsnet but that's because it's an Internet forum we're people come for advice and speak completely freely. It's hardly going to naturally come up in the office.