Is it just me or are narcissistic people everywhere these days?

[Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum]

Everyday I'm seeing threads on here describing sinister narcissistic abuse and women coming to the realisation that their DP/DH is a narcissist of some description.
What is causing the increase in narcissists?
Could it be that society is more aware of narcissism in general?
According to experts, only 1-5% of the population is a narcissist. So those people are clearly doing lots of damage somehow.
As for myself, I was raised by a toxic mother who was basically like another teenage girl in the house, the atmosphere was awful and she still can't work out why we're estranged.
My stbxp is a dangerously manipulative and abusive covert narcissist who I'm planning my escape from every day now.

It is all about control.

He will be exploiting who he can. Men/Women, using who he can for his gain.
Once you see it (and it takes years) it[s horrifying.

and it is certainly not a case of "LTB" or "think of your DCs" this is exactly what you are doing.

I truly hope you & your little one will be safe .trust your instincts and get as much support as you can . You will be ok and one day you will be able to breath easy and heal . Stay strong and plan everything carefully, you can do this .

Unfortunately when people use the terms narc , gaslighting etc for everyday situations concerning people that are little more than just selfish , entitled or spoilt it diminishes the seriousness of people that are truly in a dangerous situation . We all no someone who we think is a horrible person but when you won't tolerate their behaviour rarely do they tell you " I will kill you and noone will find your body"! . That takes a particular kind of monster with a NPD .

Totally this.

And it diminishes entirely the nightmare it is to feel like you've lost your own mind, to have lost your ability to judge everything, including things so personal like whether you're in physical pain or not.

The destruction caused by people like this is truly horrific. I can't wait until this "phase" of it being used left, right and centre being over.

Scary thing is, he's told me that he's killed people and I have that recorded.
Generally if you commit murder in this country you go to prison, did he say it to scare me? More than likely but I'm not taking any chances.
I'm now starting to think that his accusations about my dad being a paedo could actually be some sort of hidden confession. It would make sense because he's always avoided doing any sort of intimate care of DS because he knows I'd kill him for something like that.
That phone that he guards with his life will reveal a myriad of secrets I'm sure but I don't know if I want to be informed of all the details.

1-5% of the population is a huge number. That’s one in one hundred or one in twenty people! Or at least 600,000 people in the U.K.

of all the hundreds of people I know, one is for sure a narcissist. Two more quite possibly. They all bend everything and make you question everything, and blame yourself for everything.

Jesus , you really are at pretty much the highest risk you can get .From my experience NPDs tend to project their own guilt as accusations onto others it allows them to free themselves of the truth.
The sooner you can get your escape started the better .

@Wiccan I know. I'm becoming increasingly more frightened as I'm realising just how dangerous he is.
I have a secret bank account that he has no idea about so once the universal credit claim splits into 2 single claims, he'll have no control over the money in my secret account.
I've also looked into how to change my phone number with my network provider and it seems easy enough.
I know I'll have to block him on all social media and get my locks changed.
Hopefully in these circumstances the courts will allow the orders that I need to be passed without notice to him until they're in place. I don't mind not leaving my flat till I move out as long as he can't get in my building or my flat.

A narcassist like to make out that you're the crazy one. When infact it's them. My partners ex was one and she very nearly broke me but thank fully didn't..

Please do listen to the podcast Divorcing a Narcissist the Loss Lure and the Law
an episode in 2022 tells you how to leave one

From my experience NPDs tend to project their own guilt as accusations onto others it allows them to free themselves of the truth.

100%. The horrible clues are there.

@adriftabroad oh God. Now I'm really filled with dread.
@Timehaspassed I will do, thank you.

Very few people have actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but many more people have some level of narcissistic wounding. It's a clear term in psychology that has become popular and somewhat debased. But I also think there has been a significant increase in selfish, entitled behaviour during my lifetime. Oh, and while we're on the subject, I dislike the use of "gaslighting" to refer simply to someone disagreeing with your interpretation of events.

Elinor Greenburg is on it! It is really great.

OP, you and I are in the same boat and you are doing well. Excellently.
Do not panic.

Was HE sexually abused?

@adriftabroad it's possible. His abusive stepfather was molested and battered by his parents so it's possible that the cycle continued. I know that my partner was beaten as a child, or so he says, I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know where the truth ends and the lies begin.

Yes. Not knowing where the lies begin or end. I did not mean he abusing your DC[s. You, like me, are far too vigilant and almost hyper alert for that, but that people with NPD give clues to the truth and also have usually suffered childhood trauma and that could be at the root of it.

I was listening to the podcast @Timehaspassed mentioned and said how good it was but forgot to thank her! You should listen to it, there[s lots of episodes but it will VALIDATE why you feel how you feel and why you are acting appropriately. Anyone else who is in doubt about what a person with genuine NPD is like should bloody well listen to it too. It is really not about being a bit selfish. It is bloody scary.

Op do you work? Friends?

narcissism is vastly overused on MN and in general these days. One of those terms people have heard and latched onto to describe behaviour they don’t like.

Same as gaslighting etc. Reality is narcissism is real but it’s rather rare. I also think anyone can show traits of it from time to time but it’s about a repeated pattern of behaviour and not isolated incidents.

True narcissists can destroy lives but thankfully they seem to be rare.

It is present in between 1 in 10 to 1 in 20 people
Undiagnosed and hidden well

@TuesandThursNero I used to but had to give up my job to look after DS. Like hell was I trusting that man and his family with the most precious thing in my life.
I have no local friends, he's made sure of that. How else would he be able to do the fucked up things he does if I had local support, he wouldn't be able to. I know for a fact he's cheated based on the accusations he's thrown at me.

@Timehaspassed fuck me. That's a lot of narcissists creeping around ruining lives.

I think what most people mean is are there a lot of people about with narcissistic. To which I'd say absolutely !

@adriftabroad I feel like a crazy person with how protective I am with DS but I have to be. Right now we're in a nest of vipers so I have to be this way, my partners family are as crazy and abusive as he is. I'm already no contact with all of them and DS is too obviously but it's working out how I'm going to go no contact with my partner and find an explanation acceptable for family court.
That's why I have to get the criminal court process going first.
Depending on what they find on that phone, he could be getting a custodial sentence.