Is it just me or are narcissistic people everywhere these days?

[Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum]

Everyday I'm seeing threads on here describing sinister narcissistic abuse and women coming to the realisation that their DP/DH is a narcissist of some description.
What is causing the increase in narcissists?
Could it be that society is more aware of narcissism in general?
According to experts, only 1-5% of the population is a narcissist. So those people are clearly doing lots of damage somehow.
As for myself, I was raised by a toxic mother who was basically like another teenage girl in the house, the atmosphere was awful and she still can't work out why we're estranged.
My stbxp is a dangerously manipulative and abusive covert narcissist who I'm planning my escape from every day now.

I know. An actual narcissist is horrific. It's like they drag you into this alternate reality, this deep delusion and abuse you in the most insidious ways. I'd legitimately prefer if he just beat me up because I'd have got the message a lot sooner.

Problem is, everyone thinks their experience is the rare example of a true narcissist, which clearly can’t be the case.

I will never get over it ! even now I find it hard to trust reality when I'm around people .

https://www.seethrough.org.uk/

Thank you for this. I've been looking for something like this. I've been dreading family court with my narcissist because I know how charming he can be.

great book
divorcing a narcissistic- the lore loss and law

and a podcast

*lure

most people have narcissistic traits that show at some point in there life

and the society we live in of sharing and many thriving off their life on social media taps into this

but yes it is over used as a diagnosis but many people will have people in their lives that are narcissistic and this has been damaging to them

I don’t like the dismissal of peoples experiences so often some smart arse will come along to tell them do you know few are diagnosed with x, y or said as the same as been said for depression and anxiety

The internet gave us the language to describe it.

I second this. I didn’t realise my ex was a narc until I read this book and he’s a textbook covert narcissist. The book could have been written about him and actually listed out all of the antics he’d try during our separation. I wish I had realised 10 years ago but hey ho. And I’ve been in relationships with twats before but they don’t fit the description. A narcissist is unlikely to actually go and get themselves diagnosed due to their nature. In the end the diagnosis doesn’t matter but once your eyes are open and you know what you’re dealing with, then you can begin to heal. One of the main problems is that this type of abuse is so covert that most people don’t believe the abuse you’ve suffered so you don’t get the support you need - unless you’re lucky to find a good mental health professional who understands you.

What percentage of people with NPD actually seek help and are diagnosed? I’m willing to bet it’s a condition that’s significantly under-diagnosed in the general population. I’ve known a couple of people who had some narcissistic traits, but I doubt either of them ever accepted they had issues. One would get angry and frustrated if he didn’t get the respect and admiration he felt was his due, but he saw that as a failing in others, not himself.

I think you're right. 1-5% seems so low in reality. I know at least one other person who has had a relationship with a cluster B personality or narcissist

I think you're right about that. There's tons of people older than 40 who were raised by narcissistic parents and dated/married narcissistic people but it's only recently that the traits have become more widely known.

Your mum may well be a narcissist but you haven't given us an example here.

I agree that there's a distinction between having some narcissistic traits and being a full blown narcissist.
I personally think that narcissistic people don't know that they're narcissistic so the percentage is probably higher than 1-5%.

I’m not sure that someone who would be diagnosed is higher but certainly people that register high on traits many of us will come across in our every day lives

my mother is very narcissistic but she certainly wouldn’t reach the diagnostic level many public figures too for example Donald Trump

No. However I think people calling everyone ‘narcissists’ are everywhere

Yes - people don't tend to present with NPD - you don't seek out a therapist saying I think I'm a narcissist please help me. (If that happened it would tend to suggest to me they are not a narcissist).
They typically present with depression, stress or anger issues, because things like relationships and work are not going well for them. Their delusions of grandeur mean that they wonder why things are going wrong for them, and they blame others.

Well the narcissist in my family was eventually diagnosed professionally. So they are a true case !

I think many people have narcissistic traits, although they wouldn't necessarily be diagnosed as a narcissist by a mental health professional. I think people have become more aware of these types of toxic character traits and mistakenly refer to the person as a narcissist, when they at times behave in a certain way. The crux of it is, people are becoming more aware of what is and isn't emotionally healthy in a relationship and setting boundaries and/or asking for help, which can only be a good thing.

Harrison definitely is one. I think he was brought on to the show for that reason.

TBH I only ever see or hear it over-used on here - when ‘very selfish’ would usually fit the bill.

I’ve only known one person who IMO was a true narcissist, and I only realised that after he died, when other things that he’d deliberately and very carefully kept very secret, came to light.

His extreme selfishness and self-centredness was witnessed by very few (inc. me and dh) - to 99.9% of the world he was no end of a good bloke, life and soul of the party, very popular - he’d always needed to be the centre of attention.

Interestingly, not long before he married his 2nd wife, she was told (gently warned?) by a psychiatrist who knew him socially, that he had a ‘very complex personality’.

My exH had severe NPD. We've been no contact from him for 5 years now but the damage done to me and my 2DC lives on though we're doing ok. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get into another relationship though.

Yes it is used excessively here but it was MN 10 years ago that first helped me realise what was going on, which led to sobriety and psychotherapy and divorce. I was very brainwashed and depleted, but then I'm also the only child of 2 alcoholics so reality for me, who I really am and what is really going on, already had a big question mark over it.

My boss is quite narcissistic, though not NPD, and I've been pulled back into some old self-abandoning patterns of behaviour around him that I'm thankfully aware of and working on - I haven't come across any other narcs otherwise thankfully though they are definitely out there. Awareness is good but agree it's a bit overkill when using it to describe someone selfish and argumentative.

Good luck OP in getting your life back!

I agree, totally overused. Like ‘anxiety’ when ‘nervous’ would be more accurate. Sad/depressed, meticulous/OCD and so on.

I only know 1 person who I think could be ‘diagnosed’ with narcissism (if they agreed to be assessed; they never would). But I know plenty of arseholes as well.

What professional diagnosed a narcissist and how did you find out? why would a narcissist tell family “oh you’re all right… I’ve been diagnosed as a narcissist”)