Is it just me or are narcissistic people everywhere these days?

[Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum]

Everyday I'm seeing threads on here describing sinister narcissistic abuse and women coming to the realisation that their DP/DH is a narcissist of some description.
What is causing the increase in narcissists?
Could it be that society is more aware of narcissism in general?
According to experts, only 1-5% of the population is a narcissist. So those people are clearly doing lots of damage somehow.
As for myself, I was raised by a toxic mother who was basically like another teenage girl in the house, the atmosphere was awful and she still can't work out why we're estranged.
My stbxp is a dangerously manipulative and abusive covert narcissist who I'm planning my escape from every day now.

I have only met one person who absolutely ticked all the boxes and it was confirmed by a mental health professional.

One other person I know exhibits certain traits and is very much a complex personality, but I coudn't say they were 100% a narcissist, more that their behaviour is often best described as narcissitic in manner. I wonder if there are any differences between male and female narcissists in the way they present ?

This. One of the reasons personality disorders are so hard to diagnose is because the symptoms are all traits that exist normally in human beings. What differentiates a personality disorder is the interplay of said traits, and the extent to which they are exhibited. There’s an also a big difference between someone notably having narcissistic traits, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

it is massively overused not just on mumsnet, but in general. No one wants to be dealing with a common -or -garden twat, no, they have to be dealing with a narcissist. As if whatever they’re dealing with doesn’t count unless there’s a pathology involved.

See this right here is victim blaming. I have got a history of seeking mental health help

it is not victim blaming

I am trying to tell you that he would never ever ever in a month of Sundays get full custody of your child because you have sought mental health help in the past

extreme sexual deviance.

how does this manifest itself?

You have a child op and as that child grows older, he/she will want friends over. Would you trust him?

and what happens if your child ever stumbles across this extreme sexual deviance ?

So far it's manifested as him setting up fake online dating profiles and then getting these people to send him their intimate pictures and then using a fake Instagram account to send those pictures to other people.
I have only found out by chance yesterday. I haven't got a clue what to do because all the proof of this behaviour is on his phone that he guards with his life.
I know I need to contact the police but I also know that if he gets wind of me knowing he'll escalate towards me and plus he'll destroy the phone so there's no evidence.
I need to get him arrested before I can say anything.

I suppose that's reassuring but these are all the things that he's threatened me with.

OP

if you go to the police about him spreading photos of intimate photos without their knowledge it will be him that gets a criminal record, for a sexual offence no less. which would certainly go on your favour when child access is being considered.

added to which, those poor women victims of your husband. Imagine if it was you or worse - your daughter

We spend so much time and effort analyzing them, and trying to understand, because their mindset is so different from that of a person with a decent conscience. It is liberating, though, to read and learn and see that you are not going crazy, you are just dealing with a disordered person. I've found the articles of Dr. George Simon to be helpful, but there is a wealth of other information available. You are not alone!

I think our modern culture encourages narcissism, unfortunately. From childhood, kids learn to admire "stars" and dream of their own chance to be a "star." They think they will be validated that way. We are told that having high self esteem is the absolute goal of mental health. Our society rewards people who are brash and self serving because they are "winners." And I think the decline in the belief in a higher power can contribute, too. It is very humbling to believe in a higher power.

Haven't RTFT but wish you the best in whatever you may be dealing with.

I agree with Scuttlingherbert, I also work led in MH and substance misuse for years and narcissistic personality disorder is very uncommon and very specific. People can be extremely self absorbed, selfish and unreasonable and not have NPD. It is overused.

I know what I have to do. I'm sat here shaking but I must dob him in regardless of the wrath I may face.
He's targeting men as well and the worry for me is that he could be using my intimate pictures to obtain images from men/women potentially. I know he needs to be dealt with by the law.
The fact that he's capable of this level of manipulation and deviant behaviour is deeply frightening.
I'm worried he'll literally want to kill me when I let the cat out of the bag.

The last few weeks have been eye opening. I believed him, that I was the problem, that I was an unstable lunatic that couldn't be trusted with her own child. Now I know it's him that's deeply disordered and there's no fixing it. No fixing the relationship or him.

In nearly every separation/divorce I know about where children are involved and both party in the couple don't have people around them to tell them to behave amicably that they respect, one parent threatens the other with that.

So you are with someone who if you get another evidence could be convicted as a sex offender?

How do you know your child is safe?

I hear you OP . I have been accused of not being fit to be near children and believe me that type of accusation sticks like shit to a blanket . Can I just point out to some posters that the type of diagnosed narcissist we are talking about here insert themselves into some careers with quite high levels of trust and power and they are prolific abusers and it's fucking frightening how far they will go to destroy your credibility and your sanity .

OP and her child aren't safe that's the point and if she makes a wrong move they'll both be dead !

@Reugny because he's never ever unsupervised with DS even for a nanosecond. Originally I was like this because he's a nutcase with a hair trigger temper but since the sexual deviance has come to light I'll be even more vigilant.
I know I have to shop him to the cops but I have to make sure that myself and DS don't get murdered in the process.
I did a DASH questionnaire on myself and I scored 17 to give you an idea of the risk involved.

But OP, 5% of the population would mean that potentially 1 in every 20 people could be a narcissist. That is a hell of a lot. To me narcissism is a bit like autism, when you live with someone with it for long enough and you finally realise what is going on, then you get very good at spotting the signs in others.

I only have experience of covert narcissism which I found out about from this site. No empathy and no remorse but go to any lengths to look good, think they're god's gift, completely shallow, lying comes more naturally than telling the truth, gas lighting is a fave as it makes them feel really clever, never ever to blame for anything, use you as a scapegoat. Very high ego but no genuine self esteem, people are just pawns to be used. The only person they are able to care about is themselves.

@Wiccan thank you. You truly understand the level of crazy that I'm escaping. In an ideal world I'll report it and he gets arrested and remanded but because I can't guarantee the police will remand him, I can't just go opening my mouth.

True narcissists no, people who are selfish and entitled more so. There's a difference, and the label is being banded about so much it's becoming meaningless.

Shitty people are and have always been everywhere. There are very few people with narcissistic personality disorder in this world. It's just become a bit of an Insta/Tik tok buzzword. Doesn't mean it's any easier to deal with all the assholes though.

@Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum is 100% correct about this.
Everything she says and @Wiccan is extremely appreciated and recognise by me.

All the best OP and thank you for the thread.

*recognised

The problem is, the police think youare using it for custody in a divorce case. It is so hard to convince anyone.

I totally understand the planning and waiting. Purely through total fucking terror.

OP my husband was arrested. I waited until DD was 14 and could speak for herself and went back with her. It is child abuse at this stage.
It definitely escalates. Get an injunction.

@adriftabroad you're welcome. These people are just so dastardly and insidious it's honestly terrifying.
Combine the narcissistic personality with his domestic abuse techniques and it makes for a truly frightening man. I've experienced coercion and control, psychological abuse and emotional on steroids with very subtle but effective financial abuse.
His traits lead me to believe that the second he's exposed he'll escalate straight to incredible levels of violence and likely murder-suicide.
That's why I have to have things done like getting the locks changed before I can tell the authorities about the sexual deviance. He has both an entry fob for the main door and key to the flat.
They say when you need help to be seconds away it's often minutes before they arrive. I do not want to be murdered with my DS waiting for the police to arrive.

If he’s also doing to men

is this to try and extort money from them?

The possibilities are truly endless. He doesn't have a bank account that I know of but it's possible.