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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
Mischance · 11/05/2023 18:31

I was a SW and worked with many parents younger than this who were just fine.

The critical thing is how well your niece knows your child.

Blarblarblar · 11/05/2023 18:43

I was a nanny of two kids under 5 at 19. I was a much more fun, loving and attentive nanny than I am a mum in my late 40s. She loves her knows her. They will be grand.
As for not leaving your kids for a week. Some people might not feel comfortable with that but that’s their shout. I would, I have. Have a lovely time.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 11/05/2023 18:46

But she’s old enough to have a child of her own - many do, and manage just fine.
she’ll have buckets of energy and he’ll have great fun.

oosha · 11/05/2023 18:46

Are you serious??? Absolutely not ok in my mind. That’s a lot of responsibility plus think of the impact it will have on your DD being left for a week. Take the little one with you.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 11/05/2023 18:48

Of course it’s ok if she’s a responsible type.

Noononoo · 11/05/2023 19:11

Im not worried about the capability of your niece but am worried about your toddler dealing with you both not being there. What does toddler say about it?

Harls1969 · 11/05/2023 19:15

It depends on the 19 year old. My parents were 19 when they had me. I'd have been capable at 19. But I don't think I'd have left my DC for that long at that age. That's not to say you shouldn't though

pookie999 · 11/05/2023 19:35

In terms of Attachment Theory leaving such a young child for a week will cause emotional harm as your daughter is too young to understand that you will be coming back. Have a couple of days tops but don't damage your child like this. It's not acceptable. I speak as a former social worker and foster carer

MustWeDoThis · 11/05/2023 20:10

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

There are kids younger than this having children (Not that I really support it) - My 15yr old babysits her younger 2 siblings.

19 is fine. She's practically an adult whom is studying at Uni, which also makes me think she's very smart and level headed.

We never had a chance to have a honeymoon, so please go and enjoy yourselves. X

Mandyjack · 11/05/2023 21:03

I suppose only you know how trustworthy and mature she is but it seems a long time to leave a teenager with such a young child.

Givemethereins · 11/05/2023 21:06

Leaving a 2 yr old for a week is wild. No parents for a whole week? 2-3 nights max. That's going to be quite traumatic for your child. I left my 3 yr old with her dad for 5 nights and that was hard fir him then.

walkingismedicine · 11/05/2023 21:15

What a lovely niece 🥰
There are no rules, as you long as you feel comfortable, you are in contact when needed and there are others available when needed-enjoy xx

Michellelovesizzy · 11/05/2023 21:57

For me it would be about how comfortable your baby is. My little one is 2 and she is a nightmare one day a week at nursery. She is very attached to me and definitely would be very upset if I left her. On the other hand her older sister would have been absolutely fine to leave at that age with a close family member.

Okunevo · 11/05/2023 22:13

pookie999 · 11/05/2023 19:35

In terms of Attachment Theory leaving such a young child for a week will cause emotional harm as your daughter is too young to understand that you will be coming back. Have a couple of days tops but don't damage your child like this. It's not acceptable. I speak as a former social worker and foster carer

I agree. It's the length of time and age of the child not the carer (as long as they are a trusted adult familiar to the child) that is more important. At two, the child is likely to have the language to understand that their parents will be back after one night or two, but not longer than that. I wouldn't be considering a week until age four.

Trishthedish · 11/05/2023 22:17

From all the updates you’ve given I’d be more than happy for you to leave her. She knows your child, relatives are within ten minutes and she’ll be at nursery for the majority of the time. Have a wonderful honeymoon

Tandora · 11/05/2023 22:36

Hell no. I wouldn’t leave my two year old with my parents for a week, let alone my teenage niece. Babysitting for a day/ evening, is totally different to a whole week, both for the toddler and the caregiver .

Mischance · 11/05/2023 22:41

Presumably you would be able to speak to your child every day via facetime or whatever.

H007 · 11/05/2023 23:50

She’s an adult why wouldn’t you? I think the fact she has a support network even better.

Cockermummy88 · 12/05/2023 04:02

5 mins after mum leaves the house..toddler comes up with some mental/logistical conundrum that only mum has the qualification to solve😬😵‍💫. I couldn’t look after someone’s else’s toddler for a week🤢It’s more complex than just putting them to bed and giving them tea. Maybe that’s just my threenager?

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 07:46

In terms of Attachment Theory leaving such a young child for a week will cause emotional harm as your daughter is too young to understand that you will be coming back

It won't though, and you should be careful with the judgemental bollocks when you don't know what you are talking about.

Maireas · 12/05/2023 07:48

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:45

My gut is… hell no

But there will be posters come along who had four children, brought a house and climbed Everest by 19 so 🤷‍♀️

Always.
They did their own laundry from the age of 8 and had babysitting jobs from 11. I'm not even joking.

Maireas · 12/05/2023 07:50

Your child, your choice, I think the child is a bit too young. You can have a holiday later.

Dyerun · 12/05/2023 07:55

Yes I would. But then I'm leaving my 4 year old for 2 weeks to go on holiday. He will be with his dad but still, according to some posters on this site it makes me the equivalent of a mass murderer.

Notamum12345577 · 12/05/2023 09:12

oosha · 11/05/2023 18:46

Are you serious??? Absolutely not ok in my mind. That’s a lot of responsibility plus think of the impact it will have on your DD being left for a week. Take the little one with you.

Impact in what way?

oosha · 12/05/2023 09:26

@Notamum12345577 read up
on child development and attachment theory.