Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

[MagicalLife]

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

You are confident in your niece and her support network as a babysitter. Fantastic to have such a reliable and interested babysitter for an evening or overnight when necessary.
But are you confident in your dc being happy and comfortable with having both her parents removed suddenly for a whole week? I wouldn’t be. At two years old she will surely miss you and be sad after a couple of days even if she is distracted by nursery. What if she is miserable with a tummy bug or other childhood illness where she needs her mum to comfort her.
I couldn’t be so cavalier with my child’s feelings.

I would try a weekend first.

I mean there are post here regularly asking whether It’s Ok to leave a 15/ 16 year old overnight by themselves. I’m surprised that in 3 years time the same said child that couldn’t possibly survive overnight alone is now capable of looking after a toddler for a week. 😆

It’s a very big ask. I would not have left my toddler with anyone else but me and her dad.

Just wondering if the OP has had enough YANBU responses to justify in her mind the decision she has already made.

Those saying that op is unreasonable. Is the issue that she's 19 or you wouldn't leave your toddler for a week in general? I think those are 2 very different things.

Go for it. Plenty of young adults go and au pair or nanny in other countries. You trust her, she has support. I would do everything you can to make her life easier like meal prep/vouchers or money for trips/meals out and treats for her. It would be great if your sister or mum could babysitter one night maybe to give her a break or at least invite them for dinner. Enjoy your honeymoon.

Sounds a good idea. Make a plan for each day for meals and activities.

I've lost track. 12 yo can't possibly be home alone for an evening, 11yo can't take the train by themselves at all, all 14 yo drink and have sex and you're naive to think otherwise, 16 yo can't spend the night alone but it's totally fine for them to sleep over at their boyfriends house and go interailing in europe, 15 yo absolutely need to get a weekendjob, 18 yo either has to move out and pay rent but it's outrageous to expect the same form 25yo. The mn ages on what's OK and what isn't gets really confusing.

Op, you know your niece and you know your toddler. If you think it's fine then it's fine. If you didn't have doubt, you wouldn't be asking so what are you doubtful about?

I looked after kids at 19 and could certainly have done this although it would have been a lot. Since you say your niece is used to caring for your child and has had them before, I'd say go for it - perhaps arranging additionally that your mum and/or sister are there most days for kids dinner and bedtime (always the most gruelling bit I find), or come to hang out for a bit on the days your child isn't at nursery. Just to make sure 19yo isn't totally drained by it. With that setup it should be fine.

I voted YANBU , when I saw your mother and sister live nearby .

Why on earth wouldn't you want your child to share
an amazing experience with you??

Only you and your niece know if you're happy with it. I have a sibling 12 years younger than me and I often looked after her alone so I would have been fine with it. But my friends who didn't have younger siblings definitely wouldn't have been!

Absolutely no chance I’d be doing this. Your niece has no idea what it’s going to be like after 24 hours never mind one week.

For me it would be too long - for me&dh, for the dd and for the niece. I would certainly go for about four days. I know that limits honeymoon options but you can definitely have a lovely time in a nice hotel somewhere for four days. Even if you're desperate for sun that's doable in that timescale.

If your DD is comfortable with her, has been left with her overnight before, and your niece is responsible and has the patience to deal with her 24/7 then it’s absolutely fine.
I was full time nannying at 18 with lots of long weekend cover and actually found the kids much better behaved when the parents were away.

Sounds great. Go for it.
All will be well while your child is calm and happy.
When the wheels falls off that is when your niece will struggle.

Leave your niece some really good tips for when you DD is very difficult. Where is the safe place for your daughter to be left alone should she need to calm down etc. ?
Always leave phone numbers of ambulance, doctor and next door neighbour.

Encourage your niece to call of her mother so she doesn't become too exhausted or isolated.

With you child at nursery that will give your niece a nice time to refresh too.

She is a generous niece and obviously a loving cousin..

The fact that you're asking the question means you have doubts. Will you really enjoy your honeymoon while worrying from afar?

I think that would be ok as the 19yo has babysat a lot, has done overnights, and you have support network nearby. Plus presumably if she's back from university, she'll be chilling out in the daytime rather than doing anything too stressful? I think that makes a big difference.

I'd be making sure you prepare the 2yo by telling her where you are going and that you'll come back- make a little book and she can add in what she's been doing so she can show you when you come back.

From reading all your post and replies I’d say yeah go for it. You sound confident in your replies if your gut is saying yeah, there’s extra support incasevyour DN is struggling. I looked after my friends 3 yo for a week whilst I had my own 2.5 ds and my husband was working away for half of it everyone said I was mad offering to help but it was great I loved it! I think because it was only going to be a week I didn’t get as overwhelmed as I new she was getting picked up at the end of the week. Friends dd new me very well and my ds but she did really miss her mum by the end of the week. But as far as I’m aware all went back to normal very quickly.
Have a great honeymoon!

It said a week in the header.

I was pregnant and a mum by 20. You only know your nieces maturity level.

Is this stealth shaming? Well done for not leaving your DC overnight until the age of 6. In the real world its nice for DC to spend time with extended family its not a nanny.

I can’t seem to shake the feeling that OP wants a nice child free holiday and seems happy to leave her DN to cope with feedings, bed, bath etc for her DD plus factoring in toddler issues, and is just hoping that as her DD knows DN well and is used to her routines that nothing can go wrong!

I was a part time ad hoc childminder at 16 for a neighbour/friend’s DC (2 and a baby) and looked after them on the odd night overnight as well as childminding. I’d studied the toddler as part of my GCSE childcare course and one plan was maybe to be a nanny. Toddlers are relentless, even more when they’re not yours! I was lucky this one was a rarely sick, knew me well and I had family around to help (the parents of the children lived miles away and didn’t help out with childcare!). I did also have a neighbour’s DD a year or two older than me who had 2 younger brothers and babysat these children too, to help out.

In that case I think she'll be fine.

And if it was a nanny it would still be ok.