To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

[Supernova23]

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

Have attended some beautiful Jewish and Nigerian weddings. All of which usually have a free bar, so you can imagine the cost.

The absolute best wedding we ever attended was a Jewish wedding, which had a budget of upwards of £100k. It was so much fun. We had to travel for it but didn’t mind because we love the couple and wanted to celebrate with them.

Oh for heaven’s sake, anything that costs more than two pennies is considered vulgar on mumsnet these days. Unless you are living in a modest period home, holidaying in Norfolk, and driving a battered Ford that is 15 years old, you are vulgar.

50k is pocket change for some families. Just because YOU can’t afford it doesn’t mean that someone else can’t, or that it is even a significant sum for them to spend relative to their income and outgoings.

I wish people could just be happy for one another instead of being that guest who enjoys someone’s hospitality and then drags them through the mud when speaking about their event to other people.

We went to a friend’s birthday party yesterday, and I imagine it cost a
bomb. Open bar, entertainment for the children, super cool arty venue, food just kept coming and was to die for. This person is not attention seeking or or competitive at all, they just wanted to celebrate a milestone birthday with friends after a horrendous few years. It was fantastic and, dare I say, far more warm and enjoyable than many of the shoestring weddings I’ve been to where all of the guests are unwillingly guilted in to doing all of the baking, cooking, photographing, videographing, flower purchasing and arranging, DJing, decorating, etc so that the couple can save money. The worst is when the bride smugly brags for years afterwards that she spent hardly anything—unlike those vulgar brides who are stupid enough to spend money on things like good wine and a photographer—and had the nicest event because her loving community all ‘pitched in’. Unwillingly conscripted, more like. It’s not really fun going to a wedding when you as a guest are under pressure to make sure the couple’s pictures or food or cake or flowers or decorations or first dance song turn out okay. I’ve been drafted in to help with most of the above at some point or another. Incidentally, more than one of those shoestring marriages I’ve attended is hanging by a thread or has completely disentigrated. It is just as possible to be vulgar and grabby and end up with a rocky marriage on a shoestring budget as it is on a big budget.

I can see that people could get into a competitive spending cycle, which isn’t great. Money spent has nothing to do with how much the couple loves each other or how successful their marriage will be. Spending money you don’t have to impress people you don’t even like is clearly a terrible idea, and yes, you can have a gorgeous wedding on a small budget just like you can with an enormous budget. I just don’t think that every expensive wedding is this kind of ‘spending for the insta pics’ event.

This, theres nothing vulgar about it. Do what makes you happy and let others do the same.

Yes

We got married at Kew Gardens. It cost more thank 50k ten years ago. As recently as 2 weeks ago we had people that we invited telling us that they had the best time and it was the most memorable wedding they had been to. We r still very much married.., the mind boggles with some of these comments. We regularly have people tell us this. People like different things. We didnt want a hotel reception. Expensive does not mean vulgar.

Vulgar? None of your business

I also think people underestimate how much all weddings cost, regardless of how “small and intimate” or “vulgar”. I had a shock when we started getting quotes in, despite having a big budget. My cousin got married in a church then village hall with a BBQ (amazing day - I love all weddings!) and the town hall was free as her mum had links there. Still cost at least £7K - she stopped counting after this as costs “spiralled” in her words. And that’s with free venues, which was one of our biggest expenses, along with food. They were about the same cost if I remember rightly. Each was well into five figures. And we didn’t have loads of guests to cater for either.

Why would it matter to anyone else other than the bride & groom? And it's laughable that big wedding = naff etc or they aren't going to last long. so many people have large chips on their shoulders about people having more money than them. All the weddings I've been to have been fab in their own way.

I have lots of sisters who had a variety of weddings

Sister 1 - huge wedding, all the trimmings, over 200 people, cost a bomb. Was a fab wedding, lots of fun and they are still happily married 44yrs later

Sister 2 (me) - register office, 10 guests, sarnies at home, dinner at a restaurant, cost next to nothing. Fab wedding, lots of fun, still happily married 36yrs later

Sister 3 - Gretna green just the two of them. Still happily married after 40yrs

Sister 4 - small wedding, high budget, about 25 guests. Fab wedding, lots of fun. Still happily married after 25yrs

Sister 5 - big wedding, low budget, venue church then local pub. Fab wedding, loads of fun, stilly happily married after 30yrs

Sister 6 - massive wedding, low budget, about 100 guests, venue church then local pub. Fab wedding, lots of fun, still married after 34yrs.

If someone wants to spend that much on their wedding then it’s up to them!

You only live once, if you want a big blow out for your wedding go for it. I had just dh, me and 2 witnesses, a massive wedding would be my worst nightmare but some people love that kind of thing, we are all different and neither is better/worse than the other.

Not vulgar just like a really long and boring pantomime.

If you can afford it and can be arsed with all the arrangements, then why on earth not?

50 grand isn't that much to a lot of people.

If you've got money and a lot of equally wealthy and/or posh friends and family then cheese sandwiches and a pork pie buffet at your local pub is really not going to cut it.

But yes, if you're getting up to your eyeballs in debt to finance a wedding that you can't really afford then that's silly.

But yes, if you're getting up to your eyeballs in debt to finance a wedding that you can't really afford then that's silly.

Or ask guests for money either as a wedding present, or towards the wedding in some way, that the guests might not have.

I wouldn't be bothered about how much somebody else spent of their own money, on their own wedding.

I had a friend who got married in a Central London venue; wedding breakfast, evening BBQ, drinks flowing all day and night, 3 different types of entertainment. She told me the budget was £50k (funded by her parents) and that they stopped counting when they got there, but the spending carried on! The wedding was absolutely beautiful, and you could tell no expense was spared.

A once in a lifetime celebration of that nature sounds great to me. People should only spend what they can afford.

I love a wedding filled with family and friends in a celebratory mood. I don't really know how much they cost. I can't remember every going to a wedding and thinking about how much it cost.

We went to my bills wedding whereby her father made us feel like 2nd class citizens as he had paid for the wedding. Worst day ever. Think he would have been happy if nonee of us had turned up then he could have had the day to himself. He even commented in his speech how much he had paid and that the bank card had been well used. That's what was vulgar about it. Boasting isn't a great quality.

Pay whatever you want for a wedding hut don't boast about it. Especially when it was a shit day.

I find the showy weddings tend to end in divorce!

i think they are a bit vulgar, but each to their own. I'm someone who isn't particularly bothered about marriage (some people really find that hard to believe) or would have a really small one on the cheap. I don't get spending 50k on a wedding. It's upto to the person getting married how they spend the money though.

What I don't get is getting in debt to get married. Starting married life with debt isn't the best start.

Mine hasn’t 😁

Why would you care? It's literally their money to spend.

Well that's great, but I'm refering to the ones I have been to. I can't remember going to yours!

I think it depends on how outgoing people are what sort of weddings people like attending or go for. I'm quite introverted, so much prefer less lavish or formal ones, but I know other people who love something more formal or luxurious and are more extroverted. I find weddings hard work - I fret about my dress, how to talk to people, whether I have given enough money as a present. I think getting married would send me over the edge! That said, it really is upto the bride and groom what they spend, but 50k on a wedding is nuts to me. I could do so much with 50k and it would last more than a day, but I might feel differently about it if I was a multi millionaire.

Was the second wedding in the 70's?

Must have been. No chance you can get a posh country club with band and good food for anything like £5k now, unless you only had 3 guests.

Me too. The food, venue were excellent.

I literally cannot wait for my DC's wedding, the planning, the excitement, bringing us all together to celebrate their marriages - at least one same sex, I can see how it would be easy to get carried away with it all. But it's a lovely day, why bloody not, it brings people joy and happiness and there's not enough of that around. (and employment for venues, table hire companies, florists, dress makers)