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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

294 replies

Supernova23 · 07/05/2023 13:19

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

OP posts:
Notellinganyone · 07/05/2023 13:41

I’m with you. It’s become an expectation and there are all these tedious identikit weddings with all the assorted naff paraphernalia. Total waste of money, vulgar and boring.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 07/05/2023 13:45

I think it’s entirely their choice. Dh and I had a relatively small wedding (although not that small due to huge extended family) and had a really lovely day. I’ve seen df’s spend huge amounts or hardly anything on weddings and also have a lovely day (none of them are divorced as yet). We all had the wedding we wanted and I’d rather celebrate my friends than criticise their choices.

BreviloquentBastard · 07/05/2023 13:51

Putting yourself or family into debt to afford it is awful. I know a couple who did this and it did make me think less of them - the bride's 60 year old mother will probably be paying it off until she dies.

But if people have the money and can afford it, I don't really care how they spend it. In the grand scheme of things it's not really that much money, and if they're putting that money into small, local businesses then... Good.

I had a small, casual, laid back, childfree wedding and I'm absolutely positive that that's not everyone's cup of tea and some people probably judged it harshly. But it was mine and I don't really give a toss what anyone else thinks - I afford the same lack of tosses to anyone else's wedding, as long as they've funded it themselves.

Christmascracker0 · 07/05/2023 13:51

I think (like a lot of things in life), it’s an each to their own situation. Just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I personally wouldn’t have a huge wedding, but if someone has always wanted a big wedding to celebrate their marriage then they should go for it! Likewise I would never elope, but if someone wants to do that then great!

Beezknees · 07/05/2023 13:52

No. I don't care what people spend their own money on. If that makes them happy, it's nobody else's business. People like different things.

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 13:55

We spent that much on a wedding. It was lovely, we had a great time, so did our guests, and we’re still very happily married 15 years later. If anyone had concerns about the vulgarity of it, they were welcome to decline our invitation.

Imatot · 07/05/2023 13:55

I don't care how it costs, as long as the couple are happy. 🤷

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 13:55

Oh and we paid for it ourselves, no debt, no help from parents.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 07/05/2023 13:56

I do think there is a lot of "keeping up with the Jones's" in friend groups. Sally had turtle doves and a 16 course banquet with free champagne all night made out of the tears of angels.

So I have to outdo that..

traintraveller · 07/05/2023 13:57

I think people should have the wedding they want. I've been to a lot of weddings and couldn't tell you how much any of them cost. There is this weird judgement on MN and a competiton to have the cheapest wedding possible although obviously you could afford to spend tens of thousands but would never be that vulgar. Oh and everyone that attended your 50p wedding said it was the best one they've ever been to. Aye right.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 07/05/2023 13:57

I think it's normal for travellers to have OTT weddings.

3BSHKATS · 07/05/2023 13:58

Nope they are lots of fun, ours lasted 10 years - the marriage not the wedding but it was still worth every penny, fabulous photo's of me and the DC and they like watching the video/dvd especially since he has rewritten history and the new wife has a narrative that he didn't have a moments joy until the day he met her.

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 13:58

We were the first of our friends to get married so no ‘keeping up’ with anyone. We just did it exactly how we wanted. My sibling had died in a horrific accident a couple of years previously so we wanted a massive party for all our loved ones to come together and have some fun. The majority of our budget went on the food, as we both really like good food. No turtle doves.

whumpthereitis · 07/05/2023 13:58

we could have afforded a big wedding but eloped instead, because that’s what we wanted to do and it made us happy. If someone wants a big expensive wedding because that would make them happy, then good for them.

I don’t think having a smaller wedding is somehow more virtuous, or that it’s even a competition at all.

Ponoka7 · 07/05/2023 13:59

Like a pp I've been to two really expensive weddings, brilliant venue, great entertainment and fabulous food and wine/champagne, that otherwise I probably wouldn't get to experience. Both are still happily married, one after over 30 years. Unless they are doing others wrong, leave people to it.

Toottooot · 07/05/2023 14:00

If they can easily afford it then why the fuck not? What would you rather they do with their own money?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/05/2023 14:01

NoTouch · 07/05/2023 13:31

Up to them if they want to/can afford to pay silly amount of money, the only thing I hate about weddings is when they are poor hosts and/or their are unreasonable expectations on guests such as -

stupid/difficult to reach location
expectation to stay over in venue
overly expensive drinks
valuing a fancy venue over being able to include family members/children/couples
fancy but inedible to many food
dress code 🤦‍♀️
make guests hang about for hours between ceremony and being fed
make guests hang about outside for an hour while room is changed for evening reception (had that once in November!)
invite to ceremony and reception but don't feed/tell them to piss off in-between

This very sensible post mentions lots of stuff people frequently complain about on MN in relation to weddings, much of it to do with money. It's not just the couple and their families who end up spending a bomb, it's often their guests as well. Clothes, travel, accommodation, drinks, present - tots up to £££, and it's in the nature of families and friendships that not everybody who should be invited can find that amount of money. It's selfish to arrange things in such a way that many guests will be choosing between going to the wedding and having a family holiday.

CharlottenBerg · 07/05/2023 14:02

I'd much rather spend a small sum on the wedding and have the five figure sum in the bank earning 3.5%, but maybe I'm weird.

glittereyelash · 07/05/2023 14:02

I like all different kinds of weddings. It really depends on what the couple wants. If big and expensive is their thing then why not!

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 14:02

CharlottenBerg · 07/05/2023 14:02

I'd much rather spend a small sum on the wedding and have the five figure sum in the bank earning 3.5%, but maybe I'm weird.

Or maybe, just maybe, everyone is different.

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 14:04

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/05/2023 14:01

This very sensible post mentions lots of stuff people frequently complain about on MN in relation to weddings, much of it to do with money. It's not just the couple and their families who end up spending a bomb, it's often their guests as well. Clothes, travel, accommodation, drinks, present - tots up to £££, and it's in the nature of families and friendships that not everybody who should be invited can find that amount of money. It's selfish to arrange things in such a way that many guests will be choosing between going to the wedding and having a family holiday.

Show quote history

One of the reasons ours was so expensive is that we paid for everyone’s accommodation. It was a free bar. We asked for no gifts/money. We really just wanted everyone to have fun after what had been a horrific few years for my family.

Arketaddictmum · 07/05/2023 14:05

Hmmm...the flashiest wedding I ever went to was my sister's and she was having an affair within three months and divorced a decade later.

We're actually very close, but I think at the time they just wanted an excuse for a huge party.

CordyLines · 07/05/2023 14:06

I've just gulped! A £50,000 wedding over say 12 works out at over £4K PER HOUR.

WTF?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/05/2023 14:06

That's incredibly generous, @DanceMonster. Must have been a great do!

FairAcre · 07/05/2023 14:06

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2023 13:27

Calling something 'vulgar' is snobbish. I think I'd rather be vulgar than a snob.

This.