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Original poster

To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

294 replies

Supernova23 · 07/05/2023 13:19

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

OP posts:
Jamhamlamb · 08/05/2023 10:13

Mine cost £30k 17 years ago so pre instgram. We're not divorced and I would do it the same again
I've been to lavish weddings and weddings on a budget and cannot say that the more expensive the wedding, the worse it is. The worst one I went to, we didn't get a single drink, not even for a toast and then food was a buffet which ran out 2/3 of the way through the guests. They had spent 2k on a cake and 3k on a photographer when personally i would've fed and watered the guests first.

ElmTree22 · 08/05/2023 10:16

My wedding was £10k and I thought that was ridiculously expensive! Other than the birth of my dd it was absolutely the best day of my life. And it was genuinely worth every penny ❤️

ExpatInSlavikLand · 08/05/2023 11:12

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2023 13:27

Calling something 'vulgar' is snobbish. I think I'd rather be vulgar than a snob.

This.

It's up to other people to have their weddings how they want them.

If you feel so strongly, don't attend the wedding - they'll appreciate you not sneering at them behind their backs.

TanukiMario · 08/05/2023 11:39

BeverlyHa · 07/05/2023 13:28

I had the cheapest of them all and still together for life with a loving man. usually the expensive weddings finish with bitter divroces.

Not necessarily true. I had a pretty big and expensive wedding and we are still happily married 17 years later🤷🏻‍♀️

We dont struggle with money, ao i dont know why i shouldnt spend it.

I know worse ways to spend money tbh. Our wedding was amazing and i still look back to it fondly. Every time we are at a family wedding or the wedding topic comes up, people start talking about my wedding 17 years ago. They always bring it up and say how well they remember it, how beautiful the location was and how awesome the food etc.

It was definitely a memorable day not just for me and DH, because people remember lots of details from it so much later. It was one of the most amazing days I ever had, so for me it was totally worth it.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:32

People can have whatever wedding that works for them. I think the OPs outrage is what is vulgar.

Fyi I had two small weddings (60 guests each) but I spent over £100k in total. I guess that makes me vulgar.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:34

My actual wedding day though was an elopement. Husband's family got so upset they insisted on those two events afterwards.

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:35

My DF was fuming he paid a lot of money for my dsis wedding at a naice country club. They divorced within 18 months

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:38

I think having a big lavish wedding just points out how egocentric you are. The bridezilla thing as well It's not a good trait to have. No one gives a fuck about Bill and Jane getting married they aren't A list celebrities.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:39

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:38

I think having a big lavish wedding just points out how egocentric you are. The bridezilla thing as well It's not a good trait to have. No one gives a fuck about Bill and Jane getting married they aren't A list celebrities.

If they want to and can afford it and aren't bridezilla what's the problem ?

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:41

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:38

I think having a big lavish wedding just points out how egocentric you are. The bridezilla thing as well It's not a good trait to have. No one gives a fuck about Bill and Jane getting married they aren't A list celebrities.

Weird, I have ‘given a fuck’ about all the brides and grooms at the weddings I’ve been to, as they’ve all been people I care about. If I didn’t care about them, I wouldn’t go to their wedding.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:41

And I obviously care more about the happiness about my friends and family than about A list celebrities.

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:43

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:39

If they want to and can afford it and aren't bridezilla what's the problem ?

Show quote history

I probably have more money than most of them and no I still wouldn't because nobody gives a fuck about my wedding because I'm an ordinary person in the grand scheme of things. Just very close friends and family. It's very egocentric and just screams look at me. I'd rather invest in houses and pay for lavish holidays than pictures of one day for the gram.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:44

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:43

I probably have more money than most of them and no I still wouldn't because nobody gives a fuck about my wedding because I'm an ordinary person in the grand scheme of things. Just very close friends and family. It's very egocentric and just screams look at me. I'd rather invest in houses and pay for lavish holidays than pictures of one day for the gram.

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You seem to have an odd inferiority complex. Why would your friends and family not care about you and your wedding because you’re not a celebrity? Are your circles very into celebrity culture?

whumpthereitis · 08/05/2023 12:45

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:38

I think having a big lavish wedding just points out how egocentric you are. The bridezilla thing as well It's not a good trait to have. No one gives a fuck about Bill and Jane getting married they aren't A list celebrities.

and I think that believing yourself to be the pinnacle of good taste whilst sitting back in judgement of other people planning their own wedding, spending their own money, highlights how egocentric you are.

If you’re having the wedding you want for yourself, why give a fuck about what anyone else does? I can’t imagine going through life getting wound up about what makes other people happy.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:47

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:43

I probably have more money than most of them and no I still wouldn't because nobody gives a fuck about my wedding because I'm an ordinary person in the grand scheme of things. Just very close friends and family. It's very egocentric and just screams look at me. I'd rather invest in houses and pay for lavish holidays than pictures of one day for the gram.

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Why does it matter what other people think if it's what they want?

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:48

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:44

You seem to have an odd inferiority complex. Why would your friends and family not care about you and your wedding because you’re not a celebrity? Are your circles very into celebrity culture?

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She sounds really toxic. I wouldn't really want to go to the wedding of someone with a personality like that so it's probably true in her reality.

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:49

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:44

You seem to have an odd inferiority complex. Why would your friends and family not care about you and your wedding because you’re not a celebrity? Are your circles very into celebrity culture?

Show quote history

No because most of these weddings are more for a look/show vs celebrating your love with your closest family and friends. I want to make things easier for the people I love I wouldn't dream of inviting them for 3 day hen do or not inviting children. Or hosting a wedding in an inconvenient location. My wedding was intimate with the people I love most and thar should be enough. I don't have an inferiority complex at all.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:52

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:49

No because most of these weddings are more for a look/show vs celebrating your love with your closest family and friends. I want to make things easier for the people I love I wouldn't dream of inviting them for 3 day hen do or not inviting children. Or hosting a wedding in an inconvenient location. My wedding was intimate with the people I love most and thar should be enough. I don't have an inferiority complex at all.

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I spent more than £50k on my wedding and didn’t do any of those things listed. The reason it was so expensive is because we did everything we could to make it easier for other people to attend. Paid for their accommodation etc. We also spent a huge amount on the food, because good food is important to us. Why do you think spending lots of money means making it more difficult for people? I’ve been to cheap weddings hundreds of miles away which cost me a fortune, and expensive weddings on my doorstep which cost me nothing (everything included).

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 12:53

And children were invited to ours. We also spent a lot of money on entertainment for the children, to make it easier for the parents.

stargirl1701 · 08/05/2023 12:55

I think the number of guests eating and drinking is the main cost. The big (120 guest) weddings I have been to that cost a great deal had fabulous food and really great wine and champagne.

A big (120 guests) wedding with cheap food and alcohol is always disappointing.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:57

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:49

No because most of these weddings are more for a look/show vs celebrating your love with your closest family and friends. I want to make things easier for the people I love I wouldn't dream of inviting them for 3 day hen do or not inviting children. Or hosting a wedding in an inconvenient location. My wedding was intimate with the people I love most and thar should be enough. I don't have an inferiority complex at all.

Show quote history

Why are you assuming that they have done those things. I attend lots of fancy weddings and they've never excluded children etc. A lot of them are expensive because they've provided transport and accomodation and subsidised family members. One of my friends rented out an island in the Philippines but she paid for everyone's room and flight and also paid for childcare for all guests so that they can have some me time during the trip. She probably spent over £200k

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 13:00

She didn't make the wedding about herself. It actually just felt like she really wanted everyone to have a good time.

sonearly · 08/05/2023 13:01

YANBU

Instinctively, I also feel like when people are very loud and showy about their promises it can suggest questionable underpinnings.

I've been to a few, they are all divorced. Confirmation bias ahoy.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:02

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 13:00

She didn't make the wedding about herself. It actually just felt like she really wanted everyone to have a good time.

That was our aim too. My sibling had recently died in very traumatic circumstances so I just wanted everyone to come together and have a really lovely time, without having to worry about paying for drinks/accommodation/transport/gifts etc. I did have a hen weekend but had absolutely nothing to do with the arrangements apart from providing a guest list and didn’t know where I was going until the day, so I don’t think I was at all diva ish about it! We went to an eco barn conversion on a farm and chilled out for 2 days!

SparklyBlackKitten · 08/05/2023 13:07

Vulgair? No

Wrong priorities?yes
Self-absorbed? Yes
Caring more about a wedding than the marriage? Yes
Showing off?yes
Boring? Usually 🤣 as you get those sit down dinners where you are stuck talking to some distant cousin of the groom for 2 hours. Hideous....