Page 10 | To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

Supernova23 · 2023-05-07T12:19:22+00:00

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

SpringNotSprung · 07/05/2023 21:30

Our wedding, with a very nice honeymoon was £10k 30 years ago. DS's was £30k last year. Both fairly low key for about 100 guests. A good meal, good music, all drinks paid.

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 21:36

KatP75 · 07/05/2023 21:23

This is what I find most unpleasant on this thread.

I remember the morning after we got married, my husband and I were so happy to finally be married and I recall us excitedly reflecting on our wedding day - we still do a long time afterwards. To think that there were some guests - who we loved enough to invite to share our day with us and paid a lot of money per person for so they’d be very comfortable, well fed and watered all day - slagging it off is just pretty incomprehensible to me. We’ve never woken up the morning after a wedding and said anything other than “Wasn’t it a lovely day?”

Like I said upthread, it says far more about the guests than the couple.

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I suppose some people just are unpleasant, and it becomes apparent threads like this. I’ve been to weddings with budgets from £2k to £100k and have enjoyed them all; what’s not to like about celebrating a happy occasion with people you love?

SemperIdem · 07/05/2023 21:44

Yabu

Feel free to not have, or attend, a 50k wedding yourself.

DiscoDragon · 08/05/2023 00:28

Snugglemonkey · 07/05/2023 18:11

Was the second wedding in the 70's?

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No! It was in the 90's.

Anyotherdude · 08/05/2023 00:58

Well, it depends, doesn’t it? “Annual income 20 pounds, annual expenditure 19 [pounds] 19 [shillings] and six [pence], result happiness. Annual income 20 pounds, annual expenditure 20 pounds ought and six, result misery.”
If the choice to have a big wedding doesn’t mean you’ll regret (or regret that your parents have) spent that much on your “big day”, when you’re unable to make a life together after the wedding because you are unable to afford to live, then good luck to you!
Those who just want to put on a show, at a price they can’t afford, are being ignorant and gaudy (both are description’s of vulgar) in preference to being sensible…

ClaraBourne · 08/05/2023 01:06

Well I can't afford one myself but I love being a guest at huge wedding! if people can afford it, then what is the problem?

Hatemylife2023 · 08/05/2023 02:22

Gave the better years of my life and early career to hotels.

The people who got them £999 all in weddings were awful, as a conference & events co ordinator back in the day, they would threaten you with CAB if they didn’t get exactly what they thought should be included for less than £1000 (same time as the payday loan misery at credit crunch) it may have got phones ringing off the hook but by heck some people and their ideas of what £999 should buy.

When I worked for long-gone Jarvis hotels which was the start of my hospitality career we use to giggle about the ‘divorce set’ how everything should be able to brake in half so that it made it easier come divorce time.

10 years ago got on a plane to a friends daughters small wedding in a faraway country, it blew a ‘large’ corporate feel wedding away in this country for a number of reasons alone.

Suppose you really have to be in the group of wanting to be married and more than 4 people attending.

crazyaboutcats · 08/05/2023 02:26

NoTouch · 07/05/2023 13:31

Up to them if they want to/can afford to pay silly amount of money, the only thing I hate about weddings is when they are poor hosts and/or their are unreasonable expectations on guests such as -

stupid/difficult to reach location
expectation to stay over in venue
overly expensive drinks
valuing a fancy venue over being able to include family members/children/couples
fancy but inedible to many food
dress code 🤦‍♀️
make guests hang about for hours between ceremony and being fed
make guests hang about outside for an hour while room is changed for evening reception (had that once in November!)
invite to ceremony and reception but don't feed/tell them to piss off in-between

I agree with all of that

MissTrip82 · 08/05/2023 02:34

No, but I'm not a desperately judgmental arsehole.

We had a small wedding. We don't love each more, and we aren't classier, than people who made a different choice. We'd be absolute idiots to think so .

Cakeoutintherain · 08/05/2023 07:02

It’s nit worth getting in to debt but 50k to some isn’t that much money as much as people don’t like it.

whodawhodaeho · 08/05/2023 07:06

You’re snobbish to judge, but I wouldn’t spend that much, though I have a work colleague who spent over $1m on his daughters wedding… in India, week long affair.

Thighlengthboots · 08/05/2023 07:09

No, not really. People can have whatever wedding they choose to have- its up to them. That said, I have found weddings that are super formal to be lacking in warmth, but that was their choice so not really up to me to judge.

The best wedding I have ever been to was small, informal, and you could tell they adored each other and that was the one that I remember the most simply because it was so emotional and lovely. That made an impression on me far more than any fancy place setting or lavish surroundings.

pompypomppomp · 08/05/2023 08:17

It's their money, that they've earnt or been gifted. Who are you to tell them how to spend it? What if they told you it's vulgar to live in a house, you should down size to a shack and give the profits to charity.

MooseBreath · 08/05/2023 08:29

A "small, intimate" wedding doesn't exactly cut it for someone who wants to include their family when their family includes parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, 2 sets of grandparents, 12 aunts and uncles, and 30 cousins (that would have been my side of the family without including any friends or more distant relatives). DH and I invited 120 people and had to cut out loads of friends and extended family. Granted, we didn't spend £50k, but who am I to judge someone who did?

JMSA · 08/05/2023 08:37

Bloopsie · 07/05/2023 13:40

Yup I have always felt like the bride has some attention seeking issue. I and my husband could have afforded a big wedding,instead just invited our parents and our toddler waa in the registry office and bought our parents meals and a drink (had the meal but we dont drink ourselves). Paid off mortgage instead and bought into a second house that we rent out.

Horses for courses. Many of the 'attention seeking' brides would consider your choice boring, sensible and stingy.

LadyWithLapdog · 08/05/2023 08:40

One of my friends went to the USA and got married on a beach. Didn’t tell anyone till she came back. We’ve lost touch but she was in LA and still married when I last knew of her.

Fizbosshoes · 08/05/2023 08:56

I haven't rtft but on MN there generally seems to be a sense of superiority about having a small wedding. And the idea that all big or expensive weddings are just about Instagram. People had big and expensive weddings before social media!

I think it would be unwise to spend a fortune on a wedding if you couldn't afford it, or had to take out a big loan to pay for it, but otherwise its just personal choice.

CornishGem1975 · 08/05/2023 08:58

Not my money, not my business. If people have the money and that's how they choose to spend it then that's up to them.

JMSA · 08/05/2023 09:18

Fizbosshoes · 08/05/2023 08:56

I haven't rtft but on MN there generally seems to be a sense of superiority about having a small wedding. And the idea that all big or expensive weddings are just about Instagram. People had big and expensive weddings before social media!

I think it would be unwise to spend a fortune on a wedding if you couldn't afford it, or had to take out a big loan to pay for it, but otherwise its just personal choice.

People generally hold the same view over Christmas. Anyone who buys their child(ren) loads of presents is looked down upon. Not by all Mumsnetters though, I hasten to add.

Thepeopleversuswork · 08/05/2023 09:24

Whisper it but weddings are intrinsically vulgar. Even the supposedly classy ones. Throughout history they are a celebration from the bride’s family going “phew, we found someone who can pay to support her so we don’t have to!”

VestaTilley · 08/05/2023 09:26

YABU. Sometimes big weddings happen for cultural reasons (eg Asian weddings) or because people have big families and lots of good friends. Not every big wedding is expensive.

Ours had 120 guests and our reception (post church) was held in an old traditional venue, eg think a livery company hall or inn of court type place. But it was really cheap because DH is a member, my dress was off the peg, I made my own cake and did my own flowers. So it looked huge but didn’t cost too much at all.

I know what you mean about vulgarity and show. For me the most important part was the church wedding service, which we held separately for a variety of reasons and was very intimate and old fashioned, but you can’t blame people for wanting one day of their lives to feel special and have a fuss made. Lord knows, adult life is miserable enough the rest of the time.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 08/05/2023 09:31

I've been to some amazing weddings - including some more pricey ones, but these have been from people who genuinely can afford it (and before insta!). So amazing champagne and wine flowing freely, great band and food and a brilliant day (they are all still together).

KimberleyClark · 08/05/2023 09:45

Ours had 120 guests and our reception (post church) was held in an old traditional venue, eg think a livery company hall or inn of court type place. But it was really cheap because DH is a member, my dress was off the peg, I made my own cake and did my own flowers. So it looked huge but didn’t cost too much at all.

Same here. 33 years ago, same number of guests and off the peg dress, no morning suits just lounge suits, church service and reception held in lovely old university hall which was.cheap because DH worked for the uni, didn’t do own cake and flowers though. Cost less than some people spend on a dress these days.

Caramac555 · 08/05/2023 09:51

Not necessarily vulgar but I just don't get why you'd drop 50k on one when you could spend that money towards a house.

I suppose if you hang around in a certain set then it's small change and a lavish wedding is expected. Most of us do not fit this bill though and cannot fake it.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 09:53

Caramac555 · 08/05/2023 09:51

Not necessarily vulgar but I just don't get why you'd drop 50k on one when you could spend that money towards a house.

I suppose if you hang around in a certain set then it's small change and a lavish wedding is expected. Most of us do not fit this bill though and cannot fake it.

We had already bought a house when we got married so didn’t need it towards a house.