Page 12 | To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

Supernova23 · 2023-05-07T12:19:22+00:00

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 13:08

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:02

That was our aim too. My sibling had recently died in very traumatic circumstances so I just wanted everyone to come together and have a really lovely time, without having to worry about paying for drinks/accommodation/transport/gifts etc. I did have a hen weekend but had absolutely nothing to do with the arrangements apart from providing a guest list and didn’t know where I was going until the day, so I don’t think I was at all diva ish about it! We went to an eco barn conversion on a farm and chilled out for 2 days!

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That sounds really lovely.

Brittl · 08/05/2023 13:09

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 12:57

Why are you assuming that they have done those things. I attend lots of fancy weddings and they've never excluded children etc. A lot of them are expensive because they've provided transport and accomodation and subsidised family members. One of my friends rented out an island in the Philippines but she paid for everyone's room and flight and also paid for childcare for all guests so that they can have some me time during the trip. She probably spent over £200k

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That's nice it's not so much cost, but still people are becoming more entitled hen weekends and weeks are now a thing. It's hard for people to budget organise annual leave and childcare. It is selfish really to expect people to carve out loads of time for what will be 1 day.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:12

Brittl · 08/05/2023 13:09

That's nice it's not so much cost, but still people are becoming more entitled hen weekends and weeks are now a thing. It's hard for people to budget organise annual leave and childcare. It is selfish really to expect people to carve out loads of time for what will be 1 day.

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In those situations, I decline the invitation. My best friend is getting married abroad in June. I can’t go as I have no childcare, so I have declined. She understands that people can’t drop everything for her. No issues.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:14

Not that hers is an expensive wedding, it’s very low budget (but sounds like it will be lovely!). Which just shows that it isn’t always the expensive weddings which cause inconvenience to the guests.

Emotionalstorm · 08/05/2023 13:20

Brittl · 08/05/2023 13:09

That's nice it's not so much cost, but still people are becoming more entitled hen weekends and weeks are now a thing. It's hard for people to budget organise annual leave and childcare. It is selfish really to expect people to carve out loads of time for what will be 1 day.

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You can just decline and tell them why like adult you don't need to stew about how vulgar they are. A

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:22

Honestly the biggest impression I get from these threads is many people don’t actually like their family and friends.

KatP75 · 08/05/2023 13:23

Brittl · 08/05/2023 12:43

I probably have more money than most of them and no I still wouldn't because nobody gives a fuck about my wedding because I'm an ordinary person in the grand scheme of things. Just very close friends and family. It's very egocentric and just screams look at me. I'd rather invest in houses and pay for lavish holidays than pictures of one day for the gram.

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But what if someone said your lavish, as you say, holidays were extravagant and vulgar in a cost of living crisis or questioned your air miles when travelling to these presumably exotic locations (again, speaking hypothetically before you say you hitchhike to the Côte d’Azur or something)? It’d be worse if they somehow commented on your character in doing so, as you kind of have by saying something is egocentric. Presumably you’d tell them to mind their own business and that what you choose to spend your money has absolutely nothing to do with anyone. You’d probably also say it’s because you value family time and making memories. Isn’t that what a ‘big’ wedding is an about, after being a celebration of a couple’s love and commitment of course? I wouldn’t blame you for saying “Mind your own business about what I choose to spend my hard-earned money on” and I’d say the same - indeed, I did upthread. So why is it different with a wedding? Someone might also be similarly critical of investing in lots of property. But again, I’m not judging. (Mainly as we enjoy holidays and have property too.) But I wouldn’t judge if we didn’t invest or if we holidayed in a tent in the UK either.

And as for being egocentric, I must have a huge ego as we had three separate celebrations in different locations around the world (where our families live) with each lasting a couple of days. But actually, I’m the sort of the person who would be mortified to have a surprise party. But we did this for cultural reasons. The celebrations we had were the norm in our different cultures. So your post is also a little narrow-minded in this respect too.

KatP75 · 08/05/2023 13:26

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:22

Honestly the biggest impression I get from these threads is many people don’t actually like their family and friends.

Or their family and friends don’t like them because they’re so judgemental! 😁

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 13:39

KatP75 · 08/05/2023 13:26

Or their family and friends don’t like them because they’re so judgemental! 😁

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I’m surprised many of the people on this thread even get invited to any weddings to be honest!

Brittl · 08/05/2023 13:46

KatP75 · 08/05/2023 13:23

But what if someone said your lavish, as you say, holidays were extravagant and vulgar in a cost of living crisis or questioned your air miles when travelling to these presumably exotic locations (again, speaking hypothetically before you say you hitchhike to the Côte d’Azur or something)? It’d be worse if they somehow commented on your character in doing so, as you kind of have by saying something is egocentric. Presumably you’d tell them to mind their own business and that what you choose to spend your money has absolutely nothing to do with anyone. You’d probably also say it’s because you value family time and making memories. Isn’t that what a ‘big’ wedding is an about, after being a celebration of a couple’s love and commitment of course? I wouldn’t blame you for saying “Mind your own business about what I choose to spend my hard-earned money on” and I’d say the same - indeed, I did upthread. So why is it different with a wedding? Someone might also be similarly critical of investing in lots of property. But again, I’m not judging. (Mainly as we enjoy holidays and have property too.) But I wouldn’t judge if we didn’t invest or if we holidayed in a tent in the UK either.

And as for being egocentric, I must have a huge ego as we had three separate celebrations in different locations around the world (where our families live) with each lasting a couple of days. But actually, I’m the sort of the person who would be mortified to have a surprise party. But we did this for cultural reasons. The celebrations we had were the norm in our different cultures. So your post is also a little narrow-minded in this respect too.

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Cultural reasons withstanding huge weddings with week long hen dos aren't a traditional British thing. Weddings are becoming more grandiose that is nothing to do with British culture.

I honestly wouldn't care , I don't announce on social media if I'm going on holiday or buying a property. I'm going to try spot the sumatran tiger very excited , I post a couple of pictures usually of food. I don't go on and on about my holidays or expect people to accommodate it. I think if people want an expensive wedding good for them but many use it as an excuse to control and be the centre of attention.

icelolly12 · 08/05/2023 15:01

I don't know as many people having huge, expensive weddings as say 10-15 or so years ago when it seemed to be all the rage. I think it's out of fashion now and more intimate ceremonies are the preference.

Lampzade · 08/05/2023 15:23

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 09:53

We had already bought a house when we got married so didn’t need it towards a house.

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We already had a house too ( a four bed detached) and could afford the wedding.
We wouldn’t have had an expensive wedding if we didn’t have a home or had the money to buy a home.

Lampzade · 08/05/2023 15:27

KatP75 · 08/05/2023 13:23

But what if someone said your lavish, as you say, holidays were extravagant and vulgar in a cost of living crisis or questioned your air miles when travelling to these presumably exotic locations (again, speaking hypothetically before you say you hitchhike to the Côte d’Azur or something)? It’d be worse if they somehow commented on your character in doing so, as you kind of have by saying something is egocentric. Presumably you’d tell them to mind their own business and that what you choose to spend your money has absolutely nothing to do with anyone. You’d probably also say it’s because you value family time and making memories. Isn’t that what a ‘big’ wedding is an about, after being a celebration of a couple’s love and commitment of course? I wouldn’t blame you for saying “Mind your own business about what I choose to spend my hard-earned money on” and I’d say the same - indeed, I did upthread. So why is it different with a wedding? Someone might also be similarly critical of investing in lots of property. But again, I’m not judging. (Mainly as we enjoy holidays and have property too.) But I wouldn’t judge if we didn’t invest or if we holidayed in a tent in the UK either.

And as for being egocentric, I must have a huge ego as we had three separate celebrations in different locations around the world (where our families live) with each lasting a couple of days. But actually, I’m the sort of the person who would be mortified to have a surprise party. But we did this for cultural reasons. The celebrations we had were the norm in our different cultures. So your post is also a little narrow-minded in this respect too.

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Agree@KatP75

Dontworkmondays · 08/05/2023 16:56

I find it selfish when a couple has a small cheap wedding (if they can afford more). I and everyone else has to take time off or lose a precious weekend to travel across the country and you couldn’t even keep the bar open through the night? Give me a big expensive wedding any day, at least these people are generous and know how to host.

Vintagejazzing · 08/05/2023 17:05

It's up to the couple, but I think it's an awful waste of money. At least half of the guests won't really want to be there and have only come out of politeness, family pressure or because they don't want to hurt the bride's and groom's feelings.

Roselilly36 · 08/05/2023 17:18

Everyone should have the wedding they choose, but tbh I have preferred attending smaller weddings. Bigger weddings often don’t make for happier marriages.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 17:24

Vintagejazzing · 08/05/2023 17:05

It's up to the couple, but I think it's an awful waste of money. At least half of the guests won't really want to be there and have only come out of politeness, family pressure or because they don't want to hurt the bride's and groom's feelings.

Honestly some of you really don’t like your family and friends, do you? If I didn’t want to go to a wedding, I’d decline. Thankfully I’ve only been invited to those of people I genuinely care for, and want to be there on their happy day.
And arguably if the bride and groom enjoy it, and have the day they want, why is it a waste of money? Even if they happen to have family and friend who just sit there being judgemental while taking advantage of their hospitality and then slag them off afterwards for their vulgarity, like many on here seem to, what does it matter, if they enjoy it?

Vintagejazzing · 08/05/2023 18:30

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 17:24

Honestly some of you really don’t like your family and friends, do you? If I didn’t want to go to a wedding, I’d decline. Thankfully I’ve only been invited to those of people I genuinely care for, and want to be there on their happy day.
And arguably if the bride and groom enjoy it, and have the day they want, why is it a waste of money? Even if they happen to have family and friend who just sit there being judgemental while taking advantage of their hospitality and then slag them off afterwards for their vulgarity, like many on here seem to, what does it matter, if they enjoy it?

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Lots of people just don't enjoy weddings. It has nothing to do with not liking their family or friends, or slagging them off. It's just a fact that many people go to weddings because it's the polite or decent thing to do, but don't particularly enjoy those occasions. Therefore spending a fortune per head on a fancy wedding is often a waste of money as many of those people are putting on a show of enjoying themselves while secretly wishing they were at home.

DanceMonster · 08/05/2023 18:39

Vintagejazzing · 08/05/2023 18:30

Lots of people just don't enjoy weddings. It has nothing to do with not liking their family or friends, or slagging them off. It's just a fact that many people go to weddings because it's the polite or decent thing to do, but don't particularly enjoy those occasions. Therefore spending a fortune per head on a fancy wedding is often a waste of money as many of those people are putting on a show of enjoying themselves while secretly wishing they were at home.

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Why do ‘fancy’ ones cause more than cheap ones though? The most expensive weddings for me have always been the ones with a low budget, because they don’t pay for drinks etc. The cheapest ones for me are the high budget ones where most things are included.