To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

[Supernova23]

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that cost anything like £50k. But I wouldn't automatically assume it would be a vulgar event.

Not vulgar but another symptom of the ludicrous wealth divide in the UK.

I’ve been to 3 weddings where they spent a huge amount, all now divorced.

You must know it is not as easy to say "you don't have to go!", weddings are family affairs and often people do have to attend or there will be consequences to family harmony or friendships if they "didn't care" enough to make an effort.

Obviously they cannot please everyone, but good hosts make it their priority to make the venue as accessible and practical to as many of their guests as possible so their guests can enjoy their celebration relaxed and as hassle free as possible - regardless of wedding cost, venue or anyone's perception of vulgarity that will never change.

Yes you’re being unreasonable, as someone in the industry with stats from all the wedding platforms 0-60 day guests is the most frequently quoted numbers.
I’ve seen crap ceremonies for 2 and fabulously fun events for 250. Horses for courses

Blame the Americans.

I would rather someone politely declined than came, took advantage of my hospitality and then slagged me off behind my back for my vulgarity.

Well that's a sweeping statement

Everyone I know had a wedding that cost more than that and most are still together. Your statement is so strange. Of course if a couple overspend and live beyond their means then that would suggest they make unrealistic choices and that might make them more prone to end up divorcing but if it's easily within budget then a 50k, 100k, whatever amount is the same to some people is as a tenner is to another and it won't be more likely to end in divorce.

Obviously they cannot please everyone, but good hostsmake it their priority to make the venue as accessible and practical to as many of their guests as possible so their guests can enjoy their celebration relaxed and as hassle free as possible - regardless of wedding cost, venue or anyone's perception of vulgarity that will never change.
Agree with this.
Location is always an issue for anyone who has lived somewhere other than their hometown as it usually involves travel for someone.
One set of friends chose to have their wedding in a well connected city over either of their home areas because so many people would have to travel wherever they chose, so they picked somewhere with good transport links and a range of accomodation.

It doesn't take much when planning a wedding to consider guests (eg making sure there is somewhere for guests to sit during the downtime, not buggering off for almost 2 hours for photos leaving guests hanging around, considering whether there's accomodation close by).

I couldn't care less how much someone spends on a wedding, but do care if they've made an effort to consider the guests.

You sverved MN hated big weddings and drove right into MN hated landlordship 😁

Reading all the MN threads from wedding guests, it seems couples cant win- they'll be bitched about if it's a big wedding, including all friends, family and children (regardless of how flashy or costly it is).

They'll be bitched about if they keep it cheaper with smaller number, leaving some people out, going child-free.

True. Same with bridesmaids, page boys, etc. If they have too many they'll be called tacky; if they have too few - OMG, how could the bride not ask "X" to be her bridesmaid?

In my case the wedding where I feel we were treated the most poorly as guests in terms of hospitality was a low budget one. I don't know if they got sucked into the self-righteousness many seem to feel about smaller and more modest weddings and that justified it for them. Left a really bad taste after traveling, staying over and booking leave.

I think that it is pretty vulgar to think that a frugal wedding is morally or socially superior to a very expensive wedding. Additionally, I don't think that the cost of the wedding speaks to the potential longevity of the marriage.

I do think that it is beyond vulgar to think that your children of any age or entitled to an invite to the wedding. I also find it tasteless for a couple who have lived together for multiple years and have had children together to have a huge showy wedding. I recognize that my bias, is not necessarily reasonable, but I think it a bit vulgar to have expected to be regarded and treated as though you were married for years, and then to expect people to treat the event as a traditional ceremony with blushing bride and nervous groom about to start a new life together.

dd

I agree @Supernova23 but then in my family we have a big family house (a country house, I s'pose you'd call it) that can accommodate around 70 people inside for a sit down meal (not all in one room, of course!) and a marquee that would seat double that. Not everyone has a house that big, so I suppose they need to hire a room.

I went to an eye wateringly expensive wedding once and it was far from vulgar. Took place in a castle and the whole weekend was just beautiful. Couple are still happily married, they’re both in very disgustingly high earning jobs and could afford it.

I’ve also been to a wedding at the other end of the scale. Registry office and reception in a back garden. Also had a fantastic day. Couple still together.

You are allowed to enjoy all types of weddings and money doesn’t dictate if a wedding is “vulgar” or not.

Worst wedding I went to I would say was an average cost. The bride’s divorced parents took swipes at each other the whole day, getting worse as they drank more. Then the grooms dodgy mates turned up at the reception and he disappeared for a while to do coke with them. The poor bride was in tears by the end of it. That’s a vulgar wedding to me!

It is not considerate hospitality if the couple are so significantly putting people out to attend they are in not the best of moods by the time they get there.

Would any bride/groom be happy and not hold it against significant members of their family or their closest friends if they politely declined their hospitality because they didn't fancy a 5 hour trek to a mid week wedding, albeit at a stunning venue? We have one of those this year 🤦‍♀️ and the groom has fallen out with most of his family over their very justifiable concerns over getting both young and older relatives there.

Whether you agree or not, a lot of people feel they have no choice but to go to family/close friends weddings because of the repercussions even when the couple are being terrible hosts and spending a bomb doesn't make anyone a good host.

When I got married I had 2 bridesmaids. It was all we could afford. I said we could only afford two and if anyone wanted their DC to be bridesmaid too they were welcome if they bought the outfit . Problem solved

I do wish though that couples who spend that kind of money would do something different.
I've been to two fairly high budget weddings both seemed to have a checklist of what you should have at a wedding and didn't seem to be personal to the bride and groom.

I work in a wedding venue. It employs 10-15 people, depending on the season. We only recommend local suppliers that we have seen in action. 80% of the food is locally sourced. I'd estimate 50% of the drink is locally brewed.

Of course, brides can bring in own suppliers for bands etc. But on the whole, it brings money into a local rural community.

It isn't always about the money. Sometimes, despite our best advice, the bride and groom make choices for the look rather than the guest. We always encourage them to offer some sort of food/nibbles if guests are going to be wating ages for photo's etc. We encourage them to put enough seats out for people to sit on. But they don't always listen. And that is their choice.

So I suppose my answer is that it isn't always the money. Some brides and grooms are very focussed on having a good time and some are more interested in the look. But i think that may be true the world over. I would never look down my nose and class someone as vulgar because they want to spend their money in a different way.

And the £50000k weddings often include overnight accommodation for many guests, sometimes for the day before/after and breakfast for everyone the day after.

Plus- the ones that end up costs loads and loads are the ones where they offer an unlimited free bar because guests lose their minds and consume as much free drink as it humanly possible!

My point was that I didn’t do any of those things. We had a weekend wedding, local to us, but as our friends and family are scattered around the country (and other countries) we paid the accommodation and travel in some cases for those who would have to travel. We spent a lot of money on our wedding, which according to many on here is vulgar, regardless of how the money was spent. And yes, I would genuinely prefer that people declined than came and then slagged me off. Because if they’re the sort of people to do that, they’re not the sort of people I’d want at my wedding anyway.

A lot of Asian Weddings in the UK are north of this.

P.s you sound snobby/jealous.

There are some very sour people on here.

Personally, I’ve never been to a wedding I didn’t enjoy. Big, small, expensive, cheap, flamboyant, restrained, formal, casual. I’ve had a great time at all of them and always been happy for the bride and groom.

Criticising other people’s weddings is pretty mean.

Same. I’ve been to a lot of weddings, and have enjoyed them all, whatever the budget. I’m just happy to celebrate with people I care about. If I didn’t care about them, I wouldn’t go.