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Original poster

To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

294 replies

Supernova23 · 07/05/2023 13:19

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

OP posts:
OnYerBikeSteve · 07/05/2023 13:22

I might have cared once upon a time, but now I think that the more money that's being spent in local bridal shops, caterers, wedding venues, overnight accommodation, personalised sugared almond businesses, etc, etc, etc, right now, the better.

LadyWithLapdog · 07/05/2023 13:24

See also vulgar, opulent Coronations. At least the bride & groom pay for their own wedding and don’t get the plebs to do it.

SeasonFinale · 07/05/2023 13:26

Don't have one then.

And if you really feel that strongly don't go to any you are invited to.

However I do agree that people should not gave unrealistic expectations as to what they can afford and there are ways to appear to have a fancy wedding by doing a lot of the things yourself.

But I can't get too upset about what others want for themselves.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2023 13:27

Calling something 'vulgar' is snobbish. I think I'd rather be vulgar than a snob.

SpringNotSprung · 07/05/2023 13:28

It's only vulgar if it's for the sake of appearance and the family/couple can't afford it.

BeverlyHa · 07/05/2023 13:28

I had the cheapest of them all and still together for life with a loving man. usually the expensive weddings finish with bitter divroces.

JMSA · 07/05/2023 13:29

It's completely up to the couple and nothing to do with you.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 07/05/2023 13:29

Are you pissed off you're not invited to the wedding? 🤣

TriedSoHard · 07/05/2023 13:30

Big ring, big wedding, big divorce.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 07/05/2023 13:30

Supernova23 · 07/05/2023 13:19

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

I was coming on to say you're a bit judgy, but realised I probably don't disagree with you. It's all about context, if the B&G can afford it, then why not, but if they're leaving themselves in debt they're stupid more than vulgar.

TinySaltLick · 07/05/2023 13:31

I'll be honest, at the one or two 50k weddings I have attended, I had a thoroughly great time

NoTouch · 07/05/2023 13:31

Up to them if they want to/can afford to pay silly amount of money, the only thing I hate about weddings is when they are poor hosts and/or their are unreasonable expectations on guests such as -

stupid/difficult to reach location
expectation to stay over in venue
overly expensive drinks
valuing a fancy venue over being able to include family members/children/couples
fancy but inedible to many food
dress code 🤦‍♀️
make guests hang about for hours between ceremony and being fed
make guests hang about outside for an hour while room is changed for evening reception (had that once in November!)
invite to ceremony and reception but don't feed/tell them to piss off in-between

NoTouch · 07/05/2023 13:31

*there

Naranjas · 07/05/2023 13:32

In my experience the couples who put on a big show never last. I’ve been to several weddings that cost 30k plus and they all got divorced within a year. Those who made it more about the marriage than the wedding day have lasted.

Also how mad must you be to live in a little flat or a 2 bed house and spend that on a wedding, when you could spend it on a better house? I can understand people who live in a 4 bed detached having a big wedding, but if you don’t then why prioritise a one-day party above a better home? Perhaps another reason why big weddings don’t last - because the people involved are more focused on short term gratification than long term gain.

Losingweightissohard · 07/05/2023 13:32

I just think they are so boring! I always decline the day and only attend the evening.

DinaofCloud9 · 07/05/2023 13:32

Vulgar 🙄

rumnraisinrocks · 07/05/2023 13:34

BeverlyHa · 07/05/2023 13:28

I had the cheapest of them all and still together for life with a loving man. usually the expensive weddings finish with bitter divroces.

Why do people insist on saying this twoddle. I've got friends and relatives who had cheap weddings who divorced (and should have done sooner than they did) and ones who had v expensive weddings who are still together and very happy.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/05/2023 13:34

Up to them, innit?

I think it's nicest to have the choice, as that would mean you (or your parents) were absolutely minted. But it does sound like far too much stress for me.

Mortimercat · 07/05/2023 13:35

Naranjas · 07/05/2023 13:32

In my experience the couples who put on a big show never last. I’ve been to several weddings that cost 30k plus and they all got divorced within a year. Those who made it more about the marriage than the wedding day have lasted.

Also how mad must you be to live in a little flat or a 2 bed house and spend that on a wedding, when you could spend it on a better house? I can understand people who live in a 4 bed detached having a big wedding, but if you don’t then why prioritise a one-day party above a better home? Perhaps another reason why big weddings don’t last - because the people involved are more focused on short term gratification than long term gain.

You have been to several weddings where the couple were divorced within a year? 😳

CharlottenBerg · 07/05/2023 13:38

YANBU. Me and DP are having an opposite-sex Civil Partnership; we're having maybe ten friends to a little party, I doubt our budget will top £200, and that fits in one hundred per cent with our beliefs and values.

2chocolateoranges · 07/05/2023 13:38

It’s not for me but if that’s what other people want to wage their money on then so be it!

most expensive wedding I’ve been to cost in the region of 26k to be fair it was boring, worst wedding I’d been to, lasted 4 years in the end. So a huge waste of money.

cheapest wedding I’ve been to was in local church, local village hall and was an amazing day from start to finish.

money doesn’t bring class.

TheSeer · 07/05/2023 13:39

I could buy a house for that in my area. Outrageous to spend just for one day

Theluggage15 · 07/05/2023 13:40

They’re spending money, that’s a good thing for the economy. No they’re not vulgar and cheap weddings don’t necessarily make happy marriages.

Simonjt · 07/05/2023 13:40

The majority of weddings I have been to will have cost more than that, most have been fantastic events. Ours was cheap as it was during covid so we couldn’t have many people.

Bloopsie · 07/05/2023 13:40

Yup I have always felt like the bride has some attention seeking issue. I and my husband could have afforded a big wedding,instead just invited our parents and our toddler waa in the registry office and bought our parents meals and a drink (had the meal but we dont drink ourselves). Paid off mortgage instead and bought into a second house that we rent out.