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Original poster

To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

294 replies

Supernova23 · 07/05/2023 13:19

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

OP posts:
forgotmyusername1 · 07/05/2023 14:53

MorrisZapp · 07/05/2023 14:10

A friend of mine called off his wedding six weeks before the big day. Caused utter carnage and heartbreak, but obviously better not to get married when you realise you don't want to.

He basically got carried away with the planning and the practicalities of throwing a wedding, and pushed away the thoughts of actual marriage.

He lost thousands and it was a fairly standard wedding. A huge fancy do would have been so much worse.

When the wedding outshadows the marriage, you're potentially in trouble.

Yep

Like poor princess Diana. Wanted to back out but couldn't because her face was on tea towels

willWillSmithsmith · 07/05/2023 14:56

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 14:49

Why would that be the case though? At the point you get engaged, before planning the wedding, you know there is a marriage at the end of it. Why would you forget that just because you’re planning a big wedding?

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It was studies, I read it I didn’t research it😁 I haven’t been to any extravagant weddings personally.

sheworemellowyellow · 07/05/2023 14:57

I think it’s vulgar to know and pass judgement on the cost of a wedding you’re a guest at 🤷‍♀️

willWillSmithsmith · 07/05/2023 14:58

SpinCityBlues · 07/05/2023 14:35

Oh god I've just realised that every wedding I've ever been to, the couple split up.

<ponders> Sister, brother, DSS, best fried, other best friend, colleague, and my own ... I'm seeing a pattern here.

I was invited to a neighbour's wedding and couldn't go, so gave a money gift. They split up.

I'm a walking nuptial Jonah.

I’m the opposite. Every wedding I’ve been to over the last thirty five years are still intact except one.

NoTouch · 07/05/2023 14:59

DanceMonster · 07/05/2023 14:04

One of the reasons ours was so expensive is that we paid for everyone’s accommodation. It was a free bar. We asked for no gifts/money. We really just wanted everyone to have fun after what had been a horrific few years for my family.

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It is lovely you offered to pay for everyone's accommodation, but that does not detract from the fact it is still a pain in the arse having to stay over for a wedding if it is only because the couple decide to have it in a poorly placed location which is not central to the bride/grooms homes or most of the guests attending (not saying yours was).

Having to arrange to go to a wedding when you have dc, dogs, responsibilities for elderly parents, other commitments etc. Get kicked out the venue at 10am the next morning and can't drive home because you are still over the limit.

Give me a local wedding, at the weekend, where we can easily get to and get a taxi home every single time.

slowquickstep · 07/05/2023 15:00

The bigger the cost the quicker the divorce. Most weddings are a circus these days, very few of them are about the marriage.

Scottishskifun · 07/05/2023 15:02

If people have that kind of cash spare and wish to spend that amount of money then fine their day. Personally I wouldn't spend that even if I had it!

But it can be very difficult to keep costs down as soon as the W word is mentioned! We had a church wedding with a DIY venue for 120 but 3/4 of caterers as soon as they found out it was a wedding tried adding on over 1.5k for just being a wedding as far as I could work out it wasn't for extra staff or different ingredients!

Our wedding reception was done by us sourcing everything from cutlery to chairs but our entire wedding cost 6k. My friend was married the next year similar style but hers was a proper wedding venue....cost her 25k but they did all the set up and obviously had their own forks! 😂

Goldbar · 07/05/2023 15:03

Speak for yourself! The best wedding we ever went to had afternoon tea, mini golf, fairground rides, a five course meal, donut van and hog roast, ice cream van, free bar, a headline act, fireworks... Without a doubt, the best bit was the creche. The bride had miscalculated the number of children attending/ in the creche and there ended up being one babysitter per child. Our DC was taken from us at 2pm, fed, amused and aside from the occasional quick hello, we didn't see them till midnight 😁!

The worst wedding was similarly expensive but the money had been spent on ice sculptures, horse-drawn carriages and general glitz. It was in the middle of nowhere and the guests were expected to clear out during the day after the ceremony until the evening event. We'd come by public transport and spent 45 minutes walking down a dusty road with no pavement to the nearest pub.

luckylavender · 07/05/2023 15:04

BeverlyHa · 07/05/2023 13:28

I had the cheapest of them all and still together for life with a loving man. usually the expensive weddings finish with bitter divroces.

Prove it. Such an easy remark to trot out. I know many people who had really expensive weddings who are still together & many who had cheap weddings that ended in bitterness. And the reverse.

PollyThePixie · 07/05/2023 15:04

rumnraisinrocks · 07/05/2023 13:34

Why do people insist on saying this twoddle. I've got friends and relatives who had cheap weddings who divorced (and should have done sooner than they did) and ones who had v expensive weddings who are still together and very happy.

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The ridiculous generalization is appalling and I think BeverlyHa is very silly as no one can predict the future and she’s no idea what’s ahead of her.

luckylavender · 07/05/2023 15:05

Supernova23 · 07/05/2023 13:19

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

Your remarks are quite snobbish. It's possible for the smallest of weddings to be vulgar. And the largest to be the epitome of taste. And the reverse.

FoxFeatures · 07/05/2023 15:06

The lazy stereotypes on this thread are churned out every time this topic comes along.

Some weddings that cost £200 fail, some weddings that cost £50k fail. But guess what, just as many in each price bracket succeed.

I can't give a flying fuck what someone spends on their wedding and I don't understand why anyone else would either. GAL springs to mind.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 07/05/2023 15:07

Riapia · 07/05/2023 14:38

OP, the sole reason for people having £50000 weddings is to piss you off.
They won’t enjoy the over lavish celebrations.
Their greatest reward will be seeing you outside the venue fuming.
Well that and riding slowly past the food bank waving at the queue.

😂😂😂

QueenoftheAngles · 07/05/2023 15:07

NoTouch · 07/05/2023 14:59

It is lovely you offered to pay for everyone's accommodation, but that does not detract from the fact it is still a pain in the arse having to stay over for a wedding if it is only because the couple decide to have it in a poorly placed location which is not central to the bride/grooms homes or most of the guests attending (not saying yours was).

Having to arrange to go to a wedding when you have dc, dogs, responsibilities for elderly parents, other commitments etc. Get kicked out the venue at 10am the next morning and can't drive home because you are still over the limit.

Give me a local wedding, at the weekend, where we can easily get to and get a taxi home every single time.

Show quote history

But it’s not your wedding is it and you don’t have to go! What comes through very clearly on the wedding related threads is that the bride and groom can’t please everyone all the time.

I also agree that what’s really vulgar to accept someone’s hospitality and then bitch about the personalised napkins, bride not cracking a smile etc.

raincamepouringdown · 07/05/2023 15:07

Naranjas · 07/05/2023 13:32

In my experience the couples who put on a big show never last. I’ve been to several weddings that cost 30k plus and they all got divorced within a year. Those who made it more about the marriage than the wedding day have lasted.

Also how mad must you be to live in a little flat or a 2 bed house and spend that on a wedding, when you could spend it on a better house? I can understand people who live in a 4 bed detached having a big wedding, but if you don’t then why prioritise a one-day party above a better home? Perhaps another reason why big weddings don’t last - because the people involved are more focused on short term gratification than long term gain.

I mostly agree. It's 'image' and 'show' over common sense ... and that often doesn't end well in my experience.

ConstanceReid · 07/05/2023 15:08

I think the nicest weddings we have been to have been on the quirky and small side.

I can't tell you how many identikit posh hotel/marquee in the parents' garden dos we've been to. They all merge into one and I find them an absolute bore.

FoxFeatures · 07/05/2023 15:08

slowquickstep · 07/05/2023 15:00

The bigger the cost the quicker the divorce. Most weddings are a circus these days, very few of them are about the marriage.

What data do you have to support this assertion. Btw anecdotes aren't data.

KatP75 · 07/05/2023 15:10

Best not say how much mine cost then, which was considerably more than £50K. The only people who know how much our wedding cost is me and my husband as we paid 50:50. And no, we had no financial help, didn’t get into a penny of debt or empty our savings. None of us have social media either to seek attention on. I have never even alluded to how much it cost until now but I found this post and many replies unnecessarily rude and judgemental (and a little bitter in places). It’s also narrow-minded given that for many cultures, expensive weddings are the norm - and 50K would be an average cost or even at the lower end of the scale for bigger celebrations.

What people spend their hard-earned money on is nobody’s business. There is such a double standard here: if someone said, “I went to this dreadful budget wedding” many would be up in arms and rightly so. I really think it says more about the guests who bitch or critique weddings they’ve been guests at (presumably as friends or family) than the couple themselves. Some people are so unpleasant.

YouJustDoYou · 07/05/2023 15:10

Well I mean if that's what they want then whatever, but I just could never justify spending the equivilent of part of a house deposit on one event.

Puppers · 07/05/2023 15:11

Well DH and I spent loads of money, put a lot of effort into organising our wedding day the way we wanted it to be, had an absolute blast with all our friends and family, and don't regret a single moment. We also love each other deeply, take our marriage very seriously and are committed to each other for life. The two things are not mutually exclusive and all this "if you really love each other you'd get married in a hedge and wear jeans" is nothing more than reverse snobbery and/or jealousy.

QueenoftheAngles · 07/05/2023 15:14

KatP75 · 07/05/2023 15:10

Best not say how much mine cost then, which was considerably more than £50K. The only people who know how much our wedding cost is me and my husband as we paid 50:50. And no, we had no financial help, didn’t get into a penny of debt or empty our savings. None of us have social media either to seek attention on. I have never even alluded to how much it cost until now but I found this post and many replies unnecessarily rude and judgemental (and a little bitter in places). It’s also narrow-minded given that for many cultures, expensive weddings are the norm - and 50K would be an average cost or even at the lower end of the scale for bigger celebrations.

What people spend their hard-earned money on is nobody’s business. There is such a double standard here: if someone said, “I went to this dreadful budget wedding” many would be up in arms and rightly so. I really think it says more about the guests who bitch or critique weddings they’ve been guests at (presumably as friends or family) than the couple themselves. Some people are so unpleasant.

Completely agree

LlynTegid · 07/05/2023 15:15

It is part of the whole trend of making more of events and spending more. Not just weddings, think hen/stag weekends (previously a night in a local pub or restaurant), baby showers, school proms, 'big' birthdays (all are 24 hours long!), as examples.

wingingit1987 · 07/05/2023 15:15

I think it’s very much each to their own but if the couple can’t afford it then it seems insane. We had a very very small wedding (literally only me and husband) and I much preferred that.

Dontworkmondays · 07/05/2023 15:17

Very few weddings I have been to would have cost less than that. Mine was around the £150k mark, and probably considered just slightly above ordinary to my guests. It just depends on your culture and your circle.
Don’t be judgmental, people are different spending capacity.

GalileoHumpkins · 07/05/2023 15:19

We spent £2.50 on our wedding and have been together 20 years, still madly in love and obviously better than everybody else that ever got married.