To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

[Supernova23]

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

It's not what I would choose to spend that sort of money on, but if they can afford it, it makes them happy, and they've shown consideration for their guests throughout the day then I wouldn't consider it vulgar.

I do find myself inwardly eye rolling with weddings that have clearly cost a small fortune but the couple have cared more about having dove releases and nice photo opportunities than making sure the guests are fed/watered/comfortable throughout the day.

Folk can do what they like, but it's certainly vulgar to spend 10's of thousands on a day in the limelight and then complain about not being able to get on the housing ladder.

Who has done that? Someone you know? The only people I know who have had expensive weddings have also had enough money to buy a house.

I prefer low key weddings myself. There does seem to be some correlation to the more expensive the wedding the less likely it is to last (studies done).

Yes. Almost every young couple I know.

I’ve been to a couple of weddings in that sort of price bracket, one a lot more. They were fabulous and I really enjoyed myself. Ive also really enjoyed lots of small, cheap weddings. As long as the B+G consider what is important to their guests and make the day as easy as possible then I don’t care how much they chose to spend really. It’s none of my business!

A friend of mine called off his wedding six weeks before the big day. Caused utter carnage and heartbreak, but obviously better not to get married when you realise you don't want to.

He basically got carried away with the planning and the practicalities of throwing a wedding, and pushed away the thoughts of actual marriage.

He lost thousands and it was a fairly standard wedding. A huge fancy do would have been so much worse.

When the wedding outshadows the marriage, you're potentially in trouble.

If they can afford it, why not? They're throwing a party and usually you'll have fun.

On mumsnet, you'll only have a happy marriage if you spend no more than £200 on the whole day. Anything more and you'll be divorced "within the year". You can only have a happy marriage if you don't care about your wedding day at all. 🙄

I've been to a few and they have been an amazing day.night out but utterly impersonal despite very expensive personal touches.

Vulgar is a bit strong.

It’s not what I’d choose but each to their own on things like this.

I would not say vulgar, but it can be quite of a madness at times. I am thinking more of weddings abroad, where the guests have to spend lots of money to get there and stay in hotels.
If they can afford it and it is a pleasant, well organised one, why not?
It is not really about the final bill, but about them being good hosts, organising a good day and enjoying it.

If I was getting married now it would be on a beach somewhere nice and hot , just the two of us . I wouldn't spend a huge amount of money feeding other people . I would rather spend it on ourselves

This.

We had an expensive wedding. We could well afford it and already had the house we wanted etc etc.
We wanted everyone to have a lovely time so the majority of the cost went on lovely food, and plenty of it, transport and entertainment for our guests and a free bar for the full event. Anyone who didn’t wish to enjoy our hospitality was welcome not to come. I also wanted lovely flowers and good photos (pre instagram so nothing to see there) paid for accommodation for the wedding party. And yes we are still happily married 20 years later.

Tbh no matter how grand or how cheap the wedding is the joy is exactly the same .

Not my kind of thing but I wouldn’t say vulgar.

Reading all the MN threads from wedding guests, it seems couples cant win- they'll be bitched about if it's a big wedding, including all friends, family and children (regardless of how flashy or costly it is).

They'll be bitched about if they keep it cheaper with smaller number, leaving some people out, going child-free.

Some people want something intimate, just a few people to share with. Some want to share their day with all family and friends and bring everyone together.

I've been to weddings where the B&G had big families so they kept costs low in other ways to accommodate, I've also been to weddings where the couple didn't have massive families to contend with and put the extra money in to a 6 course tasting menu with matching wines.

As long as the couple can afford it, and not at the expense of guest comfort and enjoyment- why the snobby attitudes?

I had a small intimate wedding but if I could have afforded it I would have had a massive wedding so I could have invited all my extended family. I come from a big family (over 60 first cousins) who I get on with and im close to about 20 of them, so it was all or none.

Agree and in lots of other cultures as well. People place value on different things. If you think big expensive weddings are tacky and vulgar feel free not to have one or go to one.Personally I’m always up for a wedding, love them all.

I also don’t think it’s actually possible to get divorced within a year

Our wedding cost more than that (literally no budget) because it was pennies to my parents and it’s all relative so I would disagree. If you drive yourself into debt for such a thing that’s different but that is the same as someone getting a mortgage they can’t cope with or getting a new car every two years on finance to keep up with the Jones’s.

Honestly I just hope that the people saying they’re vulgar etc decline invitations to big weddings? Because it would be pretty vulgar to accept someone’s generous hospitality then slag them off about it behind their backs.

If no one goes into debt for it, then brilliant. It's when people hold lavish weddings that they can't afford that it crosses a line for me.

My Mum is a florist and her business relies on people spending well.

Ugh another post criticising rich people. If they can't afford it then people shouldn't stretch themselves for the sake of a wedding. If they can, then good luck to them.

We're quite rich - as are those in our friendship circle - and we all had £50k+ weddings. They were all great in their own ways. We're all still married. It wasn't just about the day. The guests were all happy. We're all on the property ladder. So there.

So have I. It’s such a boring old cliche.