To think that big, expensive weddings are vulgar?

[Supernova23]

I know someone who is getting married soon-ish and the total spend will be in excess of £50,000 for the day. Anyone else think these events are horribly vulgar? I love a small, intimate wedding, but for so many it seems to be a competition on who can spend the most. All for a few naff Instagram photos.

Hardly anyone gets divorced within a year & yet you know several couples who have 🤔

I'm sure I'd love to go to a party that someone had spent £50k on.
And if I had lots of money I'd also enjoy throwing a £50k party!

It was local to many of our guests. Obviously all of our friends and family don’t live in the same 10 mile radius though, so for those further afield we paid. If that was too difficult for them, they could have declined with no ill feeling.

The majority of weddings you've been to have cost more than 50k? Really?

Forgot to say I’m just off to research good lawyers ready for my imminent divorce…

I think on the flip side of the coin there can be a smugness from people having small weddings and 'don't need all that fuss'.

As long as people are getting married for the right reason and doing it the way they want, I don't see the issue with big or small weddings. It's whatever suits the couple.

I had a big wedding and it was one of the best days of my life, I will treasure the memories always and don't regret a single penny we spent.

If you're getting married so that you can show off/ compete with other couples then you're getting married for the wrong reason, and yes that is vulgar. But not all big weddings are like that.

Don’t see an issue if they can afford it , my problem is with people getting into huge chunks of debt for a wedding - awful way to start off a marriage especially considering divorce statistics too

Last week I went to a small intimate wedding ( thirty people) and it was one of the best weddings I have ever attended. The couple are very wealthy, but just wanted a small intimate wedding.
I have also been to really expensive weddings and they have also been fantastic. Also big weddings provide work for makeup artists, chef’s , bridal boutique, security, events planners.
As long as you can afford your wedding , I dont think it is anyone’s business
My cousin was always critical of people who had big ‘vulgar’ weddings. When she married last year she had a grand wedding in a country house . The wedding cost over 60k..

Ah the big wedding, big divorce shite. My self and my two cousins all had “big” traditional Church weddings with the whole family and lots of friends invited. My brother had the cheapest registry office wedding. Guess which one of us is divorced? Give you a clue, it’s not those of us who had a “big” wedding!

And by local… local to who? Surely no one has all their friends and family in one place. Our wedding was local… local to us. We paid for the people who weren’t local to us, to stay over. If they wanted to.

Yes. Absolutely. I know someone who must’ve spent in excess of 250k. Full on circus including a week of events beforehand. Each of the couple have HUGE egos and it is completely distasteful the way they talk about their spending in front of members of staff. I give it 5 years however.

Always the same boring negativity towards those who opt for big weddings and the same generalisation that they’ll divorce quicker because they only cared about the wedding and not about the marriage 🥱 let people spend their money on what makes them happy and stop being so bitter! Some marriages fail, some don’t, that’s the same for every cost bracket imaginable.

I've been to a few expensive weddings and had a blast, think the key is the couple not taking themselves too seriously and stressing about every detail. As long as I'm warm, well fed, and watered I'm happy.

Dont worry so much about the choices others make, it had no bearing on your life. Keeping your beak out is really easy.

I doubt I’ve been to many weddings less than £50k either. Mine was about £35k over 20 years ago. Some cultures that’s the norm and I suspect the poster comes from a culture which this is very common. Most of the weddings I’ve been to have been for 180-250 people, west end or country house venue, think claridges, savoy, Dorchester. And will have outstanding food, huge bands and always a totally free bar. Usually paid for by both sets of parents and including their friends.

It’s up to them. If they can afford it does it matter? You don’t have to attend.

I’ve been to several very smart weddings, often of Jewish or Hindu friends. Also, friends who’ve spent their twentysomething bankers’ bonus on the day.

On the whole, they’ve been great fun. And wonderful to experience the cultural differences that make weddings special. My favourite was at The Dorchester, but I also loved one at a castle in Sligo and The Jockey Club in Hong Kong. They were opulent, no expense spared, but I’d not describe them as vulgar in any way.

Not necessarily more lovely than Marylebone Registry Office and a room over a pub, or a church and a village hall in Suffolk. But right for that couple.family. The three I’ve mentioned began long, happy, very affluent marriages.

I reckon you can do vulgar for about £5000 if you're that sort of person, and a beautiful wedding for £50k. It's not about the money, but where it's spent and the choices made. Having a small, inexpensive wedding doesn't guarantee class any more than spending £££ guarantees that it will be a vulgar affair. Anyone making such sweeping statements is a ridiculous snob, or jealous, or both imo.

This

Hopefully you won't be invited so you won't be forced to participate, but can stay at home and pearl clutch when you see the photos. You do sound a bit Hyacinth Bucket.

I think you are judgey.

I had a big wedding because it was really important to us to invite everyone who we cared about. We have a large family and lots of friends and obviously when you're inviting children and plus ones the cost adds up quickly. It was terrific. I don't regret it at all, we are unlikely to ever again be surrounded by so many people who love us.

We didn't spend money on gold plated napkins or anything but catering for 200+ people is obviously expensive just by itself. We didn't get in to debt for it. We already have a house we are happy with. We hurt no one.

We are not on Instagram and social media had no impact on our decisions.

I also know people who had huge weddings because that is the norm for their culture (expected to invite all their parents' work colleagues etc).

I also know someone who had a wedding with about six guests and it WAS plastered all over Instagram. Her whole life is on Instagram. Her choice.

To me that is a deposit for a house. Others think nothing of spending it on a party.

Ours was cheapish. People had fun, we bought a house. It really doesn't matter.

Last wedding I went to was lavish, much money well spent. Good food, booze provided, gorgeous (and tasty) cake etc But it was all a bit Instagram. Us old uglies were at the far away 2 tables, we bonded... was funny, but a bit sad really.

We went to a wedding where they spent £130k on their wedding. It was ok, only ok, not a big deal they made it out to be. They had a sit down meal where the cost per head was £250. The meal was shockingly small. So we all looked forward to the evening buffet! Imagine our delight when all they served was a wheel of cheese and the wedding cake! 🤣 Christ alive we were starving. One guy actually went to Macdonalds as he couldn't cope!

I've been to some wedding on a tight budget and they have been fantastic. It just goes to show that you don't need to show off your wealth when loves involved. But, each to their own.

I think £50K on a wedding is pretty hideous.

It's not worth spending a lot because most people get divorced.