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Original poster

Everything I did wrong yesterday according to DH

267 replies

Everythingisfallinagpart81 · 07/05/2023 09:03

DH and I have been having issues for a while. 2 full time jobs, 2 children (7 &2) and the fact we barely see each other due to him working shifts and me being office based don't help but its getting to the point where I actually dread spending time with him at weekends and yesterday is a classic example of why.

Below is a list of everything I did wrong according to DH and he critiqued me for:

When the dc woke up in the morning I went downstairs and did then drinks and a snack for the oldest but didn't do dh or myself a drink. I didn't have the hands to carry drinks up for us as well, but apparently it was selfish of me to not even make them and then either of us could have gone back downstairs to get them

Both dc have swimming lessons on a Saturday. Youngest hasn't been for a few weeks due to various reasons. Got to his lesson and he was the only one there and he was obviously not happy to be in the lesson (screaming to the point of being hysterical) so the teacher and I agreed there was no point forcing it so I got him out and took him in the the main pool. After a while he did calm down but he wasn't himself

We went to a friends in the afternoon and it was a busy house (5 adults and 6 children including ours) youngest hasn't been there before so was very overwhelmed and had just woken up from a nap when we got there so was a bit emotional so wanted to sit on my lap. He also hadn't had much lunch so I got him some lunch and let him eat on my lap. According to dh I should have put him down on the floor and let him eat there so he wasn't attached to me. After 30 minutes dc got down himself and was fine and spent the day running around having fun.

Whilst at friends house, youngest wanted to walk around but wanted me to go with them (their house has a loop so you can walk through) and he wanted to hold my hand while going through which I was fine with and especially being someone else's house, but according to DH I should have just left him to it and not gone with him.

When we got into bed last night I apparently stole the duvet when I tried to cuddle up to him (I moved it about 1cm) which resulted in him shouting at me to get off and he's still not talking to me know after everything I did wrong yesterday

These seem like minor things now I've written them down but these are just examples of what a day is like.

And if you made it to the end well done!

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 07/05/2023 17:07

I'd tell him to fuck him self and leave.

Thesharkradar · 07/05/2023 17:26

I have recently been on a course which is something I have wanted to do since I was about 5, have passed all the exams with 100% and he's not once said well done or anything, but actually critised how I looked in the uniform that I would have to wear when I pass this
well done @Everythingisfallinagpart81
He is sulking because you are doing well, he's jealous and threatened by your success.

MsRosley · 07/05/2023 17:36

He went on a weeks long all inclusive holiday with friends last year

What the hell? Leaving you with two young kids to look after? Ask yourself this honestly, OP - would he EVER do the same for you, and do it happily? I'm willing to bet my house he wouldn't.

BlastedPimples · 07/05/2023 18:35

You sound like an amazing parent. Responsive to your dcs. Very loving and attentive.

And very very well done on passing your exams. Amazing work.

Your h sounds like a total dick. Gosh, you must be just waiting for the next nasty comment from him. Do you feel anxious all the time?

And you sound like you will be totally totally fine without him. I think you will flourish and bloom. As will your dcs. Far away from this dreadful negativity.

What do you think, op?

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 07/05/2023 19:46

Americano75 · 07/05/2023 09:04

Is he always this much of a cunt?

I agree with this.

Who is he to be judging and telling how to parent and how to live your life? You did things your way and not his. Why didn’t he step in, like go down n make you both a drink instead of being a baby waited on hand and foot? Why didn’t he help with the kids?

He’d be getting told to do a massive fuck off from me.

pinkfondu · 07/05/2023 19:51

He doesn't like you very much

bringbacksideburns · 07/05/2023 19:57

He sounds awful. Your youngest is still a baby! He’s jealous.

This isn’t the first time on here I’ve read about a man going off on holiday for a week on his own whilst his partner stays at home with the kids, yet still can’t seem to do anything right!

You deserve more than this.

Original poster
Everythingisfallinagpart81 · 08/05/2023 06:49

Well yesterday didn't get much better so I now have my decision made for me

Unfortunately I have another week of training this week so am not around much (probably a goos thing) so in between training I will be using my time to start to get some bits sorted

OP posts:
Flufferblub · 08/05/2023 07:01

Take him out of the equation, and your day would have been fine.

OrangeKettle · 08/05/2023 07:31

You’re going to LOVE your life without him! Good luck. It’ll be worth it.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/05/2023 07:38

Honestly OP I know change is hard but you are going to feel SO much better without him dragging you down.

HappiestSleeping · 08/05/2023 07:41

Americano75 · 07/05/2023 09:04

Is he always this much of a cunt?

This in afraid 👆

Summerpetal · 08/05/2023 07:44

Wow ,and your with him because??

Tessabelle74 · 08/05/2023 07:47

You will feel a million tons lighter once he's gone @Everythingisfallinagpart81 wishing you the best of luck and happiness

Sparkletastic · 08/05/2023 08:11

Americano75 · 07/05/2023 09:18

You need to find your anger before this guy wears you down completely, and he will.

100% this

orangegato · 08/05/2023 08:16

Been there OP. Get rid of this absolute c* as he won’t change. Do not be micromanaged and criticised in your own home for getting on with life and parenting your children. Let him be alone to critique himself.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 08/05/2023 08:19

He went on a weeks long all inclusive holiday with friends last year and again I didn't stop him. I then had to practically beg for us all to gonon a family holiday which I loved but he said was far too stressful (not to mention the list of things I did wrong on that one!) So we won't be having a family holiday this year

He is a fun sponge and a horrible cunt.

AuntieJune · 08/05/2023 08:24

He sounds absolutely joyless. I'm not sure dh ever criticizes me.

If there's something he dislikes or disagrees with, he thinks it over then we discuss it calmly at a suitable time. Not a drip drip drip of criticism. I do the same for him.

It does sound like he's jealous/petty and thinks you should be his mummy too. Thoroughly unattractive!

CabbagePatchDole · 08/05/2023 08:25

Well done you to put up with him! He sounds really controlling and abusive. I am sorry that you have had to endure this. You know what I'm thinking you should do, don't you? Yes, LTB. You and your kids will know a happiness you never dreamed of.

Monsterpage · 08/05/2023 08:36

Christ I just can’t believe after all his behaviour that day why you would possibly have wanted to cuddle him?
You need to have a word, tell him this is unacceptable and start planning for what life would look like without him in it - get your ducks in a row and go!

pointythings · 08/05/2023 08:58

Well done deciding to get rid. Stay strong if he starts weeping and wailing and saying he's soooooo sorry and he didn't understand how bad he was - he did, and if he didn't then he should have.

You're doing the absolute best thing for yourself and your DC.

CoffeeLover90 · 08/05/2023 09:05

If you leave (don't feel bad if you can't go through with it this time) remember that at first you may regret it, feel lost, unsure etc just hold on and keep going. Don't take him back and undo your hard work. Eventually you'll feel like you again, but free, more confident, happy. Do it for your children, if not yourself, don't let them think this way of living is normal.

Boysmum92 · 08/05/2023 09:38

Good on you OP for having some self respect, i really hope you leave and find happiness again with out him dragging you down. You sound like a wonderful mum and deserve so much better 💕go and start living again ✈🍸🍾

Newestname002 · 08/05/2023 10:12

Everythingisfallinagpart81 · 08/05/2023 06:49

Well yesterday didn't get much better so I now have my decision made for me

Unfortunately I have another week of training this week so am not around much (probably a goos thing) so in between training I will be using my time to start to get some bits sorted

The man's a idiot. I hope your prep goes well - don't share anything with him at this early stage whilst you get the process in order as he'll make life so much more difficult for you. 🌹

ImAvingOops · 08/05/2023 13:46

I remember being at a friends party once and there was a woman with a small child, taking him for walks around the garden, feeding him, generally doing all the graft of parenting while her husband ate and drank and had a laugh with his mates and did nothing to help her.
They are divorced now. I was reminded of that little snapshot into their marriage when I read your post. He was life and soul of the party with his mates and just a complete prick to his wife.

I think what pp have said is true - when someone falls out of love with you, all they see is everything you do, being an irritant to them. He might not be having an affair but whenever I've known men to be coldly critical and cruel, they've had their heads turned.
His behaviour over you course achievement is so sad. You've done brilliantly and the person who is supposed to love you, can't say anything positive about it!

Divorce is a big deal and easy for us to say, but you sound so unhappy and I honestly can't see what he's contributing to your life that's any good.