Everything I did wrong yesterday according to DH

[Everythingisfallinagpart81]

DH and I have been having issues for a while. 2 full time jobs, 2 children (7 &2) and the fact we barely see each other due to him working shifts and me being office based don't help but its getting to the point where I actually dread spending time with him at weekends and yesterday is a classic example of why.

Below is a list of everything I did wrong according to DH and he critiqued me for:

When the dc woke up in the morning I went downstairs and did then drinks and a snack for the oldest but didn't do dh or myself a drink. I didn't have the hands to carry drinks up for us as well, but apparently it was selfish of me to not even make them and then either of us could have gone back downstairs to get them

Both dc have swimming lessons on a Saturday. Youngest hasn't been for a few weeks due to various reasons. Got to his lesson and he was the only one there and he was obviously not happy to be in the lesson (screaming to the point of being hysterical) so the teacher and I agreed there was no point forcing it so I got him out and took him in the the main pool. After a while he did calm down but he wasn't himself

We went to a friends in the afternoon and it was a busy house (5 adults and 6 children including ours) youngest hasn't been there before so was very overwhelmed and had just woken up from a nap when we got there so was a bit emotional so wanted to sit on my lap. He also hadn't had much lunch so I got him some lunch and let him eat on my lap. According to dh I should have put him down on the floor and let him eat there so he wasn't attached to me. After 30 minutes dc got down himself and was fine and spent the day running around having fun.

Whilst at friends house, youngest wanted to walk around but wanted me to go with them (their house has a loop so you can walk through) and he wanted to hold my hand while going through which I was fine with and especially being someone else's house, but according to DH I should have just left him to it and not gone with him.

When we got into bed last night I apparently stole the duvet when I tried to cuddle up to him (I moved it about 1cm) which resulted in him shouting at me to get off and he's still not talking to me know after everything I did wrong yesterday

These seem like minor things now I've written them down but these are just examples of what a day is like.

And if you made it to the end well done!

He is having a good bout of "I want a mommy-wife and jealous of my own kids" syndrome.
Symptoms are never doing much around the house, complaining about every single moment you spend with the kids and spending lots of time away from home but coming back and complaining about how you don't have any free time for him.

Your husband sounds like mine was…
He was so keen to be a dad, but then hated how it affected our lives… hated that she came first, I was always tired because she never slept… tried to include him but he wasn’t interested… holidays became harder as DD got older & had her own thoughts about what to do… we ended up holidaying without him several years… was just easier than being parent to a spoilt man child as well as DD!! I often felt in the middle!! And just to be clear it wasn’t unreasonable demands… it was thing like me & DD would want to go swimming and he wouldn’t want to come or would get out after half hour and sulk that we didn’t want to.. or he’d skip the ‘paid for breakfast’ so me & DD went alone… then he’d be starving and pig out at lunch and huff because we didn’t want to eat… then dinner would arrive.. me and DD would go over and eat (again paid for in holiday) and he’d be full still from his huge lunch!… I’d paid for the break and was so pissed off that I’d paid for food and he hadn’t eaten it most days… so started just booking for me & DD… I’d suggest booking yourself and DC & maybe your mum or someone into somewhere like Butlins or Haven.. just tell DH you want a holiday without criticism !

if my ex DH had moaned I’d made kid drink and not him .. I’d have said ‘if you wanted a drink why didn’t you get up and do DC’s drinks while making yours!! He’s selfish for not getting up and doing it and letting you stay in bed!

and OP I’m SOooooo much happier since he left!!… so is DD

You did nothing wrong, OP. Your kids are young life is throwing you both curve balls, your DH's expressing his unhappiness through snipes 🤬 he needs to be more mature and direct and so do you.
Too many posters on MN will advise you to throw your relationship away. They are idiots, don't listen to them. They don't know your relationship, you do. So, if you love him, persuade him to go for couples counselling. If he won't, you will need to either muddle through or agree to split - his behaviour is not setting a good example for your kids, let alone affecting your mental wellbeing.

I hope you can work through it. Good luck.

No, this is not okay?!

What everyone else has said, really.
I feel for you and wish you luck in starting a new life xx

Literally this.

Bless you sounds like you are great mother !!!
its not ok to be treated this way .
It will get worse, you need to stand up for yourself.
my ex treated me this way for years , also with
drew affection etc whatever I achieved he ignored or ridiculed me.
He used depression as an excuse and then later his fear of his own mortality.
I allowed him to steal 30years of my life.
so wish I had been able to see the way his
crap effected me .
I finally woke up and kicked him out.
wish I hadn’t lost my youth,
if he doesn’t get his shit together, rethink you life

Oh he's a piece of shit isn't he. I'm literally exhausted reading these endless threads about useless, selfish immature men.
OP please think very carefully about whether you need this drain in your life.

@Dibbydoos women are not idiots for advising the OP raises her bar of what is acceptable in a relationship. It's utterly joyless living like she is and too many women hold on for too long, when they would be better off not living with a critical, unhelpful man who sucks the life out of them!

My exh was exactly same. Took me 9 years to pluck up courage to leave as we had 3 kids. Best thing I ever did. 7 years later I am engaged to a lovely man. Move on with your life, you won't regret it.

Hi

This is emotional/psychological abuse. I don’t know if anyone else down thread has pointed it out.
walking on eggshells/constant criticism is a major component and when you step back from this relationship you will probably see more coercive control at play.
Ring Refuge and talk it through with them. They’re great listeners. The book “Why does he do that” is a great wake up call too. LTB.

I think if you dread going home and he is constantly criticising you then you need to think carefully if you want to stay with him. I have to say no way would I have not challenged him let alone cuddle him if he was as nasty abs you say. Putting up with this is a mistake. You should have told him to go and sort out drinks as you were sorting out the DC. Why couldn't he look after the youngest at the friends to give you a break? He sounds lazy and selfish.

I wish you the very, very best, going forward. Make your plans, and have a lovely, lovey life!

Now, once you have taken the first steps to being single again, remember that you might find yourself mourning a bit...don't let that change your mind. What you are mourning is NOT the marriage that is, but rather, the lost time, and your dream of what the marriage could/should have been. It's better to mourn the final end of that dream than to mourn the slow death of it by staying with him. You will be fine, and, if you allow yourself to do it, you will thrive!

@Nanaof1
Your FLNSDH needs to go fuck a goat.

Poor child whose nana you are!

@Nana01 It’s Mumsnet not Sailorsnet, how about you stop swearing like a sailor? Such language for an old woman 🙈

Emotional abuse. It will never end. He has zero respect for you.

I'm afraid you are going to have to sit down and have a conversation about this with him, direct. If he denies his involvement, those it back at you, rejects your concerns, you should think about asking him to leave. Think of your self, and the environment your bringing your kids up in. V toxic. He sounds jealous, he sounds childish, he sounds very passive aggressive, he sounds uncomfortable and unkind and spoiled! This is a cross roads movement. Take back control. You are giving him to much. How dare he behave like this!!! They'll him to shape up or fuck off. Good luck.

”old woman”?

Such misogyny.

IActually it could be a man pretending to be an old woman, judging by his/her inconsistent posts: Nana of 1, then in another post Lots of Grandchildren etc At any rate kept on trolling me and swearing like a trooper. Mental issues perhaps?

Seriously??

😂

20 years with mine. I would count the criticisms. He would do five in a row.

Then later on would say “I think you should see a doctor, you’re mentally unstable”

Too much to delve into. I left him and have had 4 lovely years with a well-adjusted chap.

Wow, ageism, misogyny and pearl clutching all in one short post.

If you don't like swearing, maybe this isn't the forum for you?

I am horrified reading this post OP. I feel for you so much. My best wishes to you and good luck with your new future.

I’ve seen @Babycakes6 pursuing @Nanaof1 on another thread, seems to have a weird obsession.

Don't you have anymore disparaging remarks for the poor Mom whose step daughter won't stop eating fruit? Maybe make up some more untruths about the situation. LOL!

So, your EX got married and you hate step mothers. Got it.