Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

I have ADHD and when I open my mouth, my brain falls out. So I try to keep my mouth closed unless I am VERY sure of my ground.

It's a diagnosis, not an excuse.

Is it simply ADHD or do you need a further diagnosis? It sounds like you might also possibly have ASD symptoms if you can’t tell.

As ever the OP vanishes leaving everyone is suspense regarding what was so offensive...

Maybe the adhd made her forget she posted here..

Also Nature is Perfect, but obviously been screwed up by humanity, actions in life

Nature is not perfect. Its evolved to enable successful species/ individuals to survive at the cost of less well adapted/ flexible species/ individuals, and it involves huge amounts of brutality and suffering every moment of every day. Have you never seen a nature documentary? And even they edit out the worst bits. I read a book by a camera guy for these films. He once heard a wildebeast being eaten alive by a pack of lions. It took 20 minutes for the poor beast to stop moaning, all the time being eaten alive. He heard a young mongoose protractedly screaming in terror after being presented by a mother predator to her young to 'practise' on. There is a species of bird that always has two young, the biggest knocks the youngest out of the (ground) nest, who then starves to death, just feet away, over days, calling to is mother for food and being ignored. I could go on, species after species.

None of that is to do with humanity. This brutality is integral to how 'nature' works.

Sorry, thread derail, I know.

Op why have you posted the OP and then vanished?

Because it's another one of those bullshit posts about disability. Common as fuck. They dress it up in different ways but the end result is always the same, look at all the takers they got...

You’re an adult, it’s not up to other people to police your language to stop you being rude or offensive.

Ah fuck. You played right into OP hands here.

Quick, let's throw some more diagnoses at people for acting inappropriately

Depends on what you said?

Ah fuck. You played right into OP hands here.

I think we all have! I've reported it.

I was driving the other day and got into an accident - please decide on that information who was at fault.

Well that was two minutes of my life I will never get back! At least it was over a coffee.

Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.

So people are not allowed to challenge anything you say, instead you would like them to say ' Stop @MobilityCat , that was innapropriate, can you apologise' ?

I think that would be hard work for most people, especially if the statement you made was upsetting to someone else in the group.

For instance if someone said ' I really need to lose some weight before I go on holiday' and you answered 'yes you do, you are really fat'. If someone then challenged you and you then doubled down with 'but she is really fat' then I can see how the group might not want to share their social space with you.

I had to work on a committee for a time with a man who could be quite staggeringly rude, both in person and in writing, and only to women on the committee. Others tried to excuse him on the basis that he had ADHD, but I found it difficult to accept because he had for some time been a member of a profession which has a code of conduct which requires treating other people with basic courtesy, so it seemed pretty clear that he could not be behaving like that in his working life. We reached a point where we had to say that other members of the committee would vet anything he put in writing, which he hated, and he resigned not long afterwards.

I fully accept that having ADHD can make it difficult to deal with social communication, but it is normally possible to learn where the boundaries are and stay well inside them. It can't be an excuse for making other people feel humiliated and vilified.

Announcing you have ADHD isn't a get out of jail free card. In fact, it makes it sound like you tell people because you know you're going to offend them, so you're probably even more likely to get their backs up.

If you know things you do or say can upset people, then you need to guard against saying or doing these things. It's possible to work on yourself. My dd has ADHD. She knows when she's made a mistake and understands to avoid similar in future.

I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 60, my results were almost off the scale. In the years before my diagnosis I had to learn how to control myself to some degree or I never would have been able to function in a working environment. I can also get so into a subject that I fail to read the room and know when to stop.

Even now with meds I overshare, don't always know when to stop, or blurt something out. I talk too much & too loudly when I get excited or passionate about something, and sometimes say inappropriate things e.g. using a term of endearment to a senior.

However I don't tend to say things that are offensive to people, unless they are the kind of person who will intentionally try to find a way to be offended e.g. the woman who took me saying how fantastic she looked one day, as me implying she looked crap the rest of the time!

On the other hand, depending on the context, I think the woman who challenged the OP shouldn't have said that as she also has ADHD she knows how it can manifest in others with that ND. My brother also has late diagnosed ADHD, and though in some ways our behaviours are similar in others they most definitely aren't. Like any form of ND, there isn't one specific set of behaviours or one level of behaviour - think of all the differing ways and degreeds something like autism can manifest in a person

Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.

So do you struggle to cope with people disagreeing with you and challenging you? Time to work on that as a starting point.

It's utter bs that having ADHD gives you free reign to just say whatever horrible shit you want. I surmise they were perfectly right to ban you, I bet you said something awful.

This. ADHD is not an excuse.

If you don’t come back and say what you said then how can anyone know who’s reasonable op?

If you said something racist or homophobic then having adhd wouldn’t excuse it

Why should other people have to manage your behaviour and "correct" you?

You know full well what your doing. I bet you dont say inappropriate or outrageous things to your boss do you?

I also have ADHD, I was diagnosed in Janusry. My children also have ADHD

What your describing is just plain rudeness and you think if you pre warn people you get a get out of jail free card

ADHD doesnt make it so people are unaware of what's appropriate and what's not.

Your using it as an excuse to be rude

Totally agree.

I also have adhd, but I don't recognise your description of it. You should be able to understand what is and isn't offensive.

Exactly right

@nirbil - shrugs… well, it’s not okay to just say that someone’s just an oblivious a-hole either, is it? Tone says it all, and it was lost in my post I will admit🫥

"it went downhill after that" presumably from this statement you doubled down on your statement instead of recognising your mistake and apologising?

And this.