Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

As others have said it's impossible to make any real comment on the situation without knowing what you said.
How much support have you had to help you with your social communication?

and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop

ok

I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement

What do you count as the different between telling you to stop and challenging you? I’d say there was a pretty fine line there.

But this all totally hinges on what you said. What was it?

God is Perfect if you believe 🙏 in him , which obviously depends on if you believe in that kind of thing ect..

And do you genuinely think whatever it is you said or were you just trying to be argumentative

I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad

yet when you got a bad reaction you continued. I think this is the key, you were challenged, the stop sign, and you continued, you saw it was getting a bad reaction snd you continued. You had the ability to stop, by your own admission, and didn’t.

do you need to be told what to do, if so then come back and explain what occurred.

ADHD doesn't free you from consequences. Interestingly, it also doesn't ensure that those around you are all perfectly willing or able to deal with inappropriate behaviour in your preferred manner. I think you need to revise your expectations of others and bring them more into line with those you set yourself.

Another who says more context is needed.

I'm sure you're aware enough not to say something homophobic, racist etc.

So if it was the above then yes - you need to be banned.

If it's more simple things like inappropriate conversation then I think they've possibly overreacted but you can't make people allow you attend a group.

My colleague has adhd and she always comes and chats we me before expressing an option publicly to check out if it will be well received or not. I love her. She's extremely funny and would give her beating heart to someone to save their life. But she knows what's an absolute no no to say.

She comes to me because my own ds is autistic so I'm use to having these conversations!

I think it was a bit mean to ban you the first time. Why not say what it was you said then people can better assess the situation and maybe even give advice on how to deal with it another time.

I have 3 adhd dc. Yes they can say inappropriate things but they have learned what is appropriate and not appropriate. When something has come out of their mouth that is unacceptable, they apologise. They are perfectly acceptable of recognising peoples reactions and apologising if needed.

I think it depends what was said. I have ADHD and ASD and I do have trouble saying things that I shouldn't. I would absolutely be able to refrain from racist, sexist, homophobic language but more subtle things I might struggle but I think usually it's more mildly thoughtless or odd than inappropriate. I actually don't find I can tell from people's reactions if I've said something wrong though, I do need to be told ideally.
I think YABU if you asked to be challenged on it but then didn't stop and apologise though.

You told them that if you said anything offensive they should just tell you to stop and that you would do so.

So, presumably, you said something offensive and were challenged on it as requested. So why didn't you stop and apologise?

Or are there special words they have to say to signal inappropriateness? How tedious for them.

You are also assuming that nobody else present was ND. 30% of my class has ADHD so it is possible that at least some of the people you offended were ND too.

What did you say?

In fact, I must have taught hundreds of young people with ADHD over the years. Impulsive, yes. Argumentative, sometimes. But not offensive.

I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement

Other people aren't going to do this for you. They aren't your parent. When they argued back, that is them trying to explain why they thought you were wrong. That was when you should have stopped if you wanted a cue to shut up rather than understand why you'd offended.

Your ADHD doesn't excuse you from being offensive. It doesn't mean that you should automatically be forgiven - was this the first time you'd argued with others?

It hinges on what you said as well. If you'd said pineapple belongs on pizza in an Italian cooking appreciation class then they are overreacting. If you'd been homophobic then they did the right thing.

The difficulty is if you felt free to express an opinion you need to be prepared to expect similar back. Might you have overreacted? In many discussion groups there are ground rules and you may have breached them or affected the group dynamic by being forthright and not listening. Difficult to give a view without context - was it something like a book group, political meeting, therapy/support group or an activity unrelated to what you said?

It sounds like you have been told and had it drummed into you that ADHD gives you an excuse to say whatever you like, and if it offends someone then "It's fine because you have ADHD".

We all say things without thinking sometimes, but depending on what you said there is a huge difference between an innocent slip up and something that causes offence or upset to others.

I'm assuming it must have been something deeply upsetting to others for you to be told to leave the group.

I don't know if op will comes back. But I agree context is everything here.

agree

I had a friend who'd announce she couldn't help herself saying things that upset people when she was drunk. She said the most spiteful things and we were all supposed to forgive and forget because she'd warned us beforehand. This happened on the second glass of wine, so most people wouldn't consider that to be drunk anyway. She just wanted an excuse to say horrible things to people.

She was a bit nasty to me a couple of times but what did it was a pointlessly spiteful thing she said about someone's personal appearance at her birthday party. The poor girl's face crumbled when my friend accidently on purpose blurted it out in her earshot. We didn't know what to say to make it better. What made me really angry wasn't so much the mildish insults I'd had, but the fact she used us to attack the other girl for no reason apart from the fact she was jealous as hell of her. After the birthday party I drifted away and other people did too. I didn't want to be used as her prop any more.

The answer would be not to drink. But it wasn't alcohol that loosened her tongue. It was a nasty tongue and she wanted an excuse.

I wonder if these days she'd say she had ADHD.

ADHD doesn't make you say things you don't believe. So if you said something racist, homophobic or personally insulting to a regular member, then they now know that those words are your true feelings. Presumably, they are willing to make reasonable adjustments for people who are nd but don't have to make an adjustment that involves them being personally insulted or exposed to offensive viewpoints.

It all depends on what you said.

Hmm this is hard because they should make accommodations from you, but to function in adult society you must know that some things are off limits, I mean if you're not capable of that sort of level are you engaged in perhaps some sort of support etc for day to day life that might help?
They have a duty to keep all people safe, if you said something sexist/racist etc then yes I think they've acted appropriately to safeguard other members I'm afraid

Yes exactly this, or not knowing when to join a conversation and interrupting or talking over others.

Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.

I see you haven't returned but if you do, why can't people challenge what you say? People don't need to parent you, you need to realise things yourself.

Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

So you should have learned coping mechanisms by now, ADHD is not an excuse for being a racist / homophobic/ argumentative arsehole (not saying you were). The person with adhd in the group was right, you need to learn not to do this.