Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

Probably. Maybe racism or something at a similar level.

Fellow ADHDer here.
I struggle with my brain filter and sometimes things will just pop out but for the most part, I try really hard to think about what I say and make sure it's appropriate.
You can't use ADHD as an excuse to offend people without consequences.
You need to find strategies that work for you.

This is what I’m thinking.
Its definitely a problem my Dc with ADHD has.

You can learn a list of inappropriate topics to stay away from even if you have ADHD. Even if impulse control is harder for you, you can still try.

For example, don’t ask people how much money they earn, don’t touch people without permission or warning, don’t say things that are considered racist or bigoted…

In my experience with ADHD people, the impulsiveness is usually towards oversharing rather than anything inappropriate. I can't say if they were fair or not, not knowing what you said.

Perhaps "challenging your statement" was asking you to stop, as you requested.

You say it "went downhill" after that. But you had also told them to tell you if you said anything inappropriate and you would apologise and stop.

You were challenged but you didn't apologise?

Just trying to unpick this a bit for you!

Op why have you posted the OP and then vanished? Tell us what you said, so we can answer you properly.

Yep, and that's why there are no details about what was said in the first post. They were deliberately left out as the OP knows what they said was wrong.

We really can’t judge without knowing what you said.

What was the inappropriate comment is unfortunately key here.
Did you properly apologise? Or try and excuse it without any actual apology?

Are you officially diagnosed? (This makes a difference as you may just be one of the self-diagnosers who simply wants leeway to say as they please rather than have the struggles faced by those who actually suffer with ADHD)

What did you say? If someone challenged you, surely thats what you asked for?

Repeating many other PPs, you don't have carte blanche to insult/offend people just because you say you have ADHD. Its basic sociel nicety to not do such things. Small children learn it.

Depends on what you have said. Today's society can be offended over anything whether you have ADHD or not but most people know not to say something that's blatantly racist, sexist, etc.

So you said you would apologise and stop, but then did neither when challenged and argued instead? I once knew a group several people left because of a woman with Asperger's who was forever offending and upsetting people then telling us all how she couldn't help it because she had a special label. The thing is she never once apologised when she did upset people and just reframed it as not being her fault with her get out of jail free card. We just got told that she didn't have the ability to tell we were upset and it wasn't her fault and that we should be more tolerant and understanding. She was probably the least tolerant person on the whole group. I think where you possibly went wrong was in not stopping and apologising, but arguing the toss when you did get challenged.

As an adult with ADHD are you not able to know which topics shouldn't be touched as you may be likely to cross a line?

It isn't a free pass to display bigoted comments.

what did you say? I think it is less what you said, but the fact you didn’t stop when challenged. Which is pretty much the stop sign. It appears you doubled down on it? So it’s what happened after you were challenged that’s the issue?

Fellow ADHD er here and I was prepared to be on your side OP but without knowing what you said.... and you need to explain what 'it all went downhill' means.

Come back!

If you said that people cannot change their biological sex, then obviously you weren’t wrong.

Yesterday someone was telling me about their non binary friend and their fiancé and I just sighed and eyerolled. If they were offended, that’s their choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

100% this

I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop. that seems like you're expecting others to control what you say. What did you say? Was it racist? Homophobic? Sexist? Downright rude? Aggressive?

I would try to be inclusive and understanding. But if you were very offensive then they can't be expected to put up with that either.

Perhaps the next time you are "challenged" check in with a trusted person before continuing? Or assume you must be offending people if that is what they are telling you.

I suspect this is another thread designed to induce people to pour scorn on an ADHD diagnosis (OP using it as an excuse for unacceptable behaviours).

I have ADHD. I do have a tendency to overshare but I am able to catch myself, mostly. It's not an excuse for saying truly offensive things.

OP - what did you say? It's perfectly possible to have ADHD and be a rude person - doesn't necessarily mean the ADHD is causing the rudeness.

Same here, and I agree with every word of this.

Can’t help you without the context of what the group is and what you said

Also you sound like one of those people who refuses to take accountability and blames all their woes resulting from their bad behaviour on conditions rather than your own decisions and actions

This.
I know several people with ADHD. They know what is appropriate/inappropriate to say. If they're not sure, they don't say it.

God its bloody hard work these days,

Nobody is Perfect, except God, and newborn babies 👶 ,

Also Nature is Perfect, but obviously been screwed up by humanity, actions in life.

What I am saying , people can be often 50 shades 😎 of grey,
they can be a mixture, of not Perfect,
and have emotional space for self development