Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

I agree with this. There are minor foot in mouth things like "I really dont like that scarf you're wearing" or, offensive things like "You're old, fat and ugly and I dont like you". If you said something racist, homophobic, ageist etc then I'm sorry but they were right to ban you.

Context is everything here and I find it a bit odd you havent clarified exactly what it was you said if you think it was such an overreaction. The fact you havent makes me wonder if you said something truly awful. Your ADHD doesnt mean you can just say whatever you like and people just have to put up with it.

OP may have flounced.

I strongly believe they are watching every word

I have ADHD and I'd never use it as a get put of jail free card for being rude or appropriate

That kind of attitude ruins it for the rest of us

I agree with this. I suspect I have it and it has made everything harder but I can also recognise that I've not been 100% unfortunate across the board. I may have areas of 'advantage' too so I don't want to manipulate people in to making allowances for me. I get it wrong sometimes though, I have a history of over sharing, people pleasing, reactivity, talking for the sake of it. I'm toning it all down, dialling it all back. I think few people find socialising easy so using it as a manifesto to make you exempt from following a few norms is a bit cheeky imo

No further information. It was on a motorway and there was another driver.

😂

Seriously though, what is the actual point? Like what is op even getting from this thread? It’s totally pointless and I semi think mumsnet shouldn’t even allow threads like this - they’re just a total waste of time. Why set out a detailed op while leaving out the one obvious detail that is necessary to answer?

No further information. It was on a motorway and there was another driver.

If the other car involved was an Audi, BMW or a Chelsea Tractor of any make, it was their fault!

I say inappropriate things too, usually along the lines of a swear word slipping out at a bad time (like with a child near by) or saying sharing something some people find too 'personal' or 'intimate'.

I was also a hugger which was fine up until uni when suddenly was thrown into the realization that some people are anti-touch and get VERY offended/find it inappropriate if you say hello and instantly go for a hug (was never an issue where I lived though).

I am not racist, sexist, homophobic etc... so wouldn't say those types of offensive things, if you do it says something deeper its not the words its who you are as a person.

Some people find me hard work (I find me exhausting to be fair so cant blame them) but I have very rarely been ditched for what I have said usually just for the fact that people can't deal with my over all personality.

In fact I can only think of one instance in 35 years where I feel out with someone over 'words' and thats where the other person was homophobic and I called THEM out and they turned on me.

You can have ADHD and be a dick. Or have it and not be. You don't get a free pass for dickish behaviour just because you have a diagnosis.

Agree

Challenging your comment is a way of telling you to stop and consider what you have said...

The fact that OP hasn't been back probably says everything we need to know.

ADHD isn't a free pass to be an arsehole.

“I’ve got adhd” is not a get out of jail free card. For that response you’ve said or done something awful.

ADHD is just hyperactivity, that's all. It doesn't mean you don't know right from wrong. ASD is the one means you often don't understand nuances, and appropriateness.

Yes....we need to know what you said.

Does ADHD cause you to say inappropriate things? I wasn't aware that that was one of the ways it could present itself. I knew it might cause you to be difficult company because you can't stay focused or it might make you talk too much, but I didn't realise it made you be offensive.

Asking what the OP said is just vulturing and missing the point.

The question is, if the OP doesn't see the lines, how can she ask for help in a way, she will get it the next time.

Maybe instead of asking them as a group for a stop sign, asking a few specific individuals? So they will remember and be able to provide the information?

It must be hard beingein that situation.
I hate unspoken rules. Even worse is that the unwritten norms aren't totally consistent, often people mix their wishes with real standards. World would be much nicer place, if the rules were described.

ADHD is not just hyperactivity, what are you talking about?! Some people with ADHD don't suffer from hyperactivity at all! I suggest that you educate yourself before you make ignorant comments like that!

When I got diagnosed with ADHD about 8 years ago I went through some cycles.

First relieve the issue wasn’t just “I’m crap at everything”. I had a thingie. And there were stratagies to help.

Then grief. For all the decades I didn’t know what I had, so didn’t get to “life” better for all that time.

Then I got quite “waggles neurodiversity card” cos I felt the universe owed me some kind of compensation for many decades of limping, uninformed and unequipped through life for so long.

Then reality hit. I got a diagnosis. Meanwhile the universe carried on doing what it and everything in it does. I’m a tiny speck of stardust in eons of the stuff. I’ve got one life, it is short, most of it’s gone and if I want now me and future me to have a better chance of living well than past me….. it was up to me.

Not everybody else. Me.

Most people have genetic or environmental life rain of their own and I have no idea what the varied versions of “not great cards” every other bugger has in their hand. I know I can’t accomodate all of them, all of the time even if they tell me what ails them and how me changing myself will make their life better. Cos I’m not a bloody social chameleon, born to mould myself around everybody else’s preferences and limitations. So I shunted (over time) my locus of control where it needed to be. Inside me.

I’ve needed a lot less understanding and few ADHD free passes since I took the reins for me and my life back in own hands. And it has felt incredibly freeing. Not a cake walk, but it’s so worth it. No amount of sympathy for feeling pushed out and hurt will ever feel as good as doing as well as possible in a life you constructed to maximise your traits helpfulness, and minimise the capacity of the less helpful traits to run riot and fuck things up for you.

I have every sympathy, it’s far from easy, and unfortunately we get a diagnosis, rather than a roadmap to living better. But a personalised roadmap you draw, bit at a time, day by day, under exclusively your control and not outsourced to variable levels of patience really is your best bet.

Asking what the OP said is just vulturing and missing the point.

No. It's really very crucial information.

This is so wrong. Please don't post such ill-informed nonsense.

I work with a lot of neurodiverse people and see how they sometimes struggle with social situations but are really valuable in the work force and bring different ideas / ways of working etc. And also really nice and caring people.

It must be really annoying for them and for people with neurodiverse kids etc when others are trying to claim it’s an excuse to behave poorly or insultingly to others. It’s makes everyone take the challenges faced less seriously.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

a good starting point to actually learn something from.

I don't think it's troll. Troll would throw in some "oh well I didn't know x word was racists soooo ADHD you know".
I think OP just didn't get "poor you so unfair" answers they hoped for