Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

I have nowhere said that I was actually black, just that I put African on the form. I said that I was mixed race. Why do people want to know more personal details? They have nothing to do with it. I might have Asian or Oriental parents and still be African born.

I think this is where UK equalities forms get somewhat confused & confusing about race & ethnicity. If you're born in an African country, any African will tell you you're African, irrespective of skin colour.

UK policy has a very specific meaning in these areas, which is NOT (surprise surprise) universally accepted!

Race is a made up 19th concept - German equalities monitoring, for example, never asks about race.

I don't think you can make the blanket statement that people from Northern Ireland are Irish.
People from NI could say they are Northern Irish, Irish or British. So if you want to get it right, you ask them. The ones who say they are Northern Irish are Northern Irish, the ones who say they are British are British and the ones who say they are Irish are Irish.

I was struggling to answer a stream of simolar questions, which I felt were raised because they had come in at the middle of the conversation. What do they want, if I don't answer every single person they complain, but if I give a stock answer "See my OP" , they complain. I don't always know how to answer a question because I'm not sure what they want. If you ask me what I did yesterday, I'm not sure what to say, but if you ask me if I went to church, I'll say yes. BTW, that was when many people said I wasn't answering. I do have a life.

Some people from NI identify as Irish, but some definitely do not. Some identify as British only, some as British and Northern Irish, etc. There are a mix of identities in NI.

Why do people want to know more personal details?

Because you're being vague so nobody can confirm whether you were actually racist.

Because the work ethnicity data forms in the UK are standardised to government guidelines. The only way to tick “African” is in relation to black African ethnicity or mixed black African ethnicity. I know as I’ve been ticking the black African box pretty much all my life for various forms and they’re all pretty much the same options. Might be different conventions if you’re not in the UK but OP has said she’s in the UK.

There are no options for white, Asian or even Arab African since the data relates only to race and not nationality (although I think there should be an Arab African option but that’s another discussion entirely).

@MobilityCat

I was struggling to answer a stream of simolar questions, which I felt were raised because they had come in at the middle of the conversation. What do they want, if I don't answer every single person they complain, but if I give a stock answer "See my OP" , they complain. I don't always know how to answer a question because I'm not sure what they want. If you ask me what I did yesterday, I'm not sure what to say, but if you ask me if I went to church, I'll say yes. BTW, that was when many people said I wasn't answering. I do have a life.

Yet when I asked if it was as a job or not you refused to answer. I didn't ask a difficult question I asked 'you said it was a group then said job, which is it?' - you easily could have said you were discussing a job related form at a book club, but chose not to.

There is no standalone option for African - in the standardised ethnicity forms in the UK the only way to say you’re African is to select a box that is for black or mixed race Africans (you can easily find the government guidelines on this on the gov website).

Please stop selecting the mixed race black African box since you’re clearly not of black heritage. It skews important statistics. If you are not comfortable with the options available to you then decline to answer on the form. That way the statistics on the ethnicity pay gap etc remain accurate.

No one is disputing your right to claim your African nationality (though Africa isn’t a nation so there’s no such thing) but you are not ethnically African so stop identifying as such on the ethnicity forms. You’re wrong to do so and the group were correct in telling you as much.

There is usually some mixed or white other option and you can write it out.
Arabs are in now but only separate I haven't seen it in mixed ones yet so I am guessing mixed falls again under "other" and write it out.
Tbf they really can't write all possible combinations out. The form would be like 30 pages

"Oriental"?

You're not helping yourself prove you're not a racist by using such problematic language. Try "East Asian" in the UK if you don't want to be more specific.

As I, and many others, have already explained, where you are born is not what the question is asking you. Where you feel at home or which country you identify with is also not what the question is asking you.

Factually, what is your ethnicity based on your genetics?

If it's such a complicated question, there is 'mixed race - other' or 'prefer not to say.'

You can't just choose a random box. It's about a question of fact.

There's usually a mixed (other) or mixed (white and other) option, which you can then specify if you choose. So you could select "mixed (other)" and then specify "I am South African of mixed white and Asian descent", or whatever is applicable.

When I do these forms I usually select "mixed (other)" and would then specify White European & Moroccan" if I could be bothered. The forms aren't mandatory anyway. If you don't feel any of the options fit, or that it's too complicated to go into, you can just decline to share.

I still don't understand why this was being discussed at a book club! Since these things are sensitive for some, it's probably a topic better avoided until you know people better. I wouldn't start talking about gender identity in a room full of people I don't know, for example.

We were discussing a book on discrimination, and I described how I felt the form thar i had to fill in at work was discriminatory as it didn't offer "African" as an option separate to "Black African" so I wrote "African" on it.
In fact, many southern Africans aren't Black.They're different shades of brown.

Factually, what is your ethnicity based on your genetics?

OP has been asked that a million times on the thread and declined to answer. I’ve asked myself. But the fact is badgering someone on their precise racial makeup is problematic.

Thank you for clarifying this. We got there in the end 😉

This is a random EDI form which looks very much exactly like what I've been filling up (obviously).
There are options for different than pre printed variations.
If you are not black african, go and add into the section you are.
It's not that hard tbh.

Ok, maybe I was swamped, and my phone went ballistic with questions. That's not refusing to answer, I'm reading the thread again to catch up and answer everone. It was a form at work discussed at the club. I've said this several times already.

Ok finally 20 pages in you have clarified what you wrote and your nationality.

If you are not black or Arab you are NOT ethnically African so stop writing that- the ethnicity form has nothing to do with nationality.

I grew up in Wales but don’t feel the need to write Welsh next to the Black African box because the form is for ethnicity not nationality.

Besides, Africa is not a nationality. South Africa is (if that’s where you’re from), so you’re providing inaccurate information in respect of both ethnicity and nationality.

For future there is no need to discuss these things with acquaintances and you are 100% wrong both to claim African ethnicity and to bring it up in unrelated conversation. Also you were wrong to equate sexuality with a choice.

Anyway I’m done with the thread- if you are wise you will listen to what’s been said and regulate your behaviour. If you don’t you’ll keep on having the same difficulties and alienating yourself from people because you’ve caused unnecessary offence.

You don't need to answer wvery single individual postee. You know that? You are not new to MN?

If you are not black african, go and add into the section you are.

Isn't that what the OP is saying she did?

Fwiw, isn't that second option Black, African, Caribbean, Black British the correct option for White African?

Ok, maybe I was swamped, and my phone went ballistic with questions. That's not refusing to answer, I'm reading the thread again to catch up and answer everone. It was a form at work discussed at the club. I've said this several times already.

You have now, but when I asked you did refuse to answer. You told me to read the OP.

Instead of trying g to answer everyone by saying 'I have added more I do' why not just move up to where the thread is at, Luke I suggested yesterday. People have been asking for more detail because your comments don't give enough.

No that's black section.
White african would be in white section

We were discussing a book on discrimination, and I described how I felt the form thar i had to fill in at work was discriminatory as it didn't offer "African" as an option separate to "Black African" so I wrote "African" on it.
In fact, many southern Africans aren't Black.They're different shades of brown.

I'm trying to help you OP, for future threads. This information right here, needed to be either in the OP or given when the first person asked for it. Your thread would have gone in a whole different direction. Stick to key facts.

If it's an ethnicity form and you're not black African why did you write that you were African?

There is no such ethnicity as White African though. No whites originate ethnically from Africa so she should just leave Africa out of it.

I’m from Wales but don’t put black African (Welsh) on the form because ethnically I’m African not Welsh.

I don't think AIBU is a great place for anyone with ADHD or ASD to post tbh, there's little understanding, lots of 'I know someone with ADHD and they don't behave like that' or 'ASD isn't an excuse for this or that' and 'I have ADHD and I'd never do that' - no one is allowed to be an individual with their very own personal struggles and misunderstandings, or to not know everything without being looked down on. Not to mention the hundred or so people saying they can't possibly help without context when you gave it 7 pages back - I don't know how you stayed so calm with that, I'd have given up ages before.

You need people with a lot of empathy and understanding OP. AIBU is not that place. AIBU is a place for people to pick every post apart and derail it while they argue over the minutiae.