Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

I'd ban you for such a comment.
Its insulting to say adhd means you have zero tact or empathy.

With further explanation, you don't seem to be unreasonable. I'd have supported you in the group too, even against the grain. Identity can be complicated and not as easy as ticking as box. It sounds like the women in the group lack the experience and awareness that identity is not straight forward for all of us.

It's not true either. I know people with ADHD who are extremely empathetic. Tact is chosen, generally.

Hi OP,

It might help us advise on whether you were being unreasonable or not, and why, if you shared your actual ethnicity?

Not your nationality/ where you were born/ grew up, or countries where your parents were born, but your ethnicity.
🤗

The OP didn’t say she ticked a box that said Black African either. She said it said African. It was for a book club, there’s no way to know if its form was like the more official forms that have very specific categories or more general. Unless OP confirms exactly what it said. She did say the detailed format another PP posted was not like the form she was asked to fill.

Those forms can be darn complicated for some of us though. The box I tick for my origins depends on the phrasing of the question, the purpose of the form and what makes the most sense at the time. For a group where it doesn't matter, I'd probably frustrate them with the way I'd handle the form.

I don't understand why a book group would ask for ethnicity or race? And I don't understand whether it's work or not. Because the op has said both.

@MandyMotherOfBrian

The form was for a job. Not a book club.

Exactly.

They didn't. The form OP was referencing was for a job. It's deep in the thread and it's not very easy to read even if you look for just OP posts, but it's definitely there.

Ok so the form was for a job.

But why would that be relevant to a book club?

Great question.

And the op still hasn't even acknowledged that sexuality isn't a choice.

Op has yet to clarify why she chose to raise it. Seems somewhat random unless for discussion of book.

Maybe the book they were discussing was 'Equity and Diversity Form-Filling Made Easy'?

The OP has said it was for a book club, at work.

And actually it’s not really relevant. The format of the form, no matter what organisation it relates to, is unknown to us, despite speculation, until the OP confirms it.

Sounds as though you used ADHD as an excuse to cross the line.

The OP has said it was for a book club, at work.

I understood that it was completely separate from work.

But, for whatever reason, she told them about a form she'd completed at work.

The OP has said it was for a book club, at work.

Have they?

Yes OP wrote this yesterday evening. She still hasn’t confirmed if either of her parents are black despite many posters asking for clarification.

Basically, I was born in Africa and described myself as African on an ethnicity form at work. I shared this in the group and was called a racist, and banned from the group.

@LateAF

That doesn't clarify the book club was at work.

Since I'm from Africa, I described myself as African, although I'm not a black person as such.

That’s accurate - I know several (white) Africans, all born in Kenya. And anyone in Kenya knows these people are African. It’s an African thing - if you’re born in any of the countries of Africa, you’re African, no matter what colour your skin.

I have ADHD too hence my username so I am definitely not being ableist. I and other posters have repeatedly asked OP whether or not she has a black parent and she has consistently avoided the question. What she has provided is multiple references to nationalities (those African countries she mentioned have ethnically diverse populations ), being born in Africa, having a natural tan, and being mixed race but not black.

What she hasn’t done is answer the only question relevant to the “black - African” box she selected on the ethnicity data work form, which is whether she or one of her parents is ethnically black. If the answer to that question is yes, then she is not being unreasonable. But I strongly suspect she is not ethnically black or black mixed race because if she was she’d have confirmed it by now.

Yes OP wrote this yesterday evening. She still hasn’t confirmed if either of her parents are black despite many posters asking for clarification.

In this case, it really doesn’t matter what colour skin any of her family has. If you’re born in a country in Africa, you are considered African by your fellow Africans.

I think a lot of people in Britain don’t understand this - ignorance of Africa perhaps.