He called his ex when drunk

[confuseddotcom201]

My partner went out and had a few too many.
When he got home I heard him on the phone telling someone he thought of them every single day.
He also said he missed them and something about a holiday.
I snooped on his phone this morning and it was his ex.
Aibu to think he still has feelings for her? They split properly 4 months ago but I think things were rocky for a bit before that.

Why am I stupid? Is it because I've had no choice but to let my partner spend time with my kids or is it the phone call?

Sorry to keep on about it but it's just been going around my head all day. I can't really concentrate on anything else.

WTAF?

Assuming it's real:

Is there not one single person that thinks the phone call was just too much to drink and means nothing.

No

Has no one ever made a similar call just because they were drunk and confused.

No

Why you are even thinking of letting this cocklodger move in with you and your children beats me.

He is not your partner.

And when you say you were "talking" to him before he left his previous girlfriend, it makes you sound about 13, rather than an adult woman with four children.

Ahhh yes the relentless "no but he definitely really likes me"

Is it because I've had no choice but to let my partner spend time with my kids or is it the phone call?

He's not your 'partner' he's your boyfriend. Not even a long term one.

And you ALWAYS have a choice as to whether someone spends time with your kids or not.

You're a parent. This relationship is not in their best interests at all. You are completely ignoring the issues people have flagged.

You hadn't even proactively researched how him moving in would affect your benefits.

Gently OP....he isn't your partner. Hes a guy you've been dating or seeing in a limited fashion for a very short period.

Hes not behaving like he sees you as a girlfriend or someone he respects by calling his ex and from what he was saying to her.

He wants someone to support him as he transitions out or back into his old relationship. Hes using you to do this and the children are being exposed to it. He may be conducting himself in a nice manner but hes still using you

He didn’t choose to be with you. She ditched him, and until this drunken phone call had allegedly blocked him and refused to even speak with him.

He was flirting with you online because she didn’t want him any more and he wanted an ego boost. As soon as she found out about you, she got shot of him.

She obviously has far higher standards than you.

So he came to see you on one of his fortnightly visits, went to the pub without you, came home at 2am and phoned his Ex.

What would you say to a friend who you'd you that about her new fella?

I’m not saying you’re stupid, I think it’s really sad that you can’t see that he’s so obviously using you.

The facts as you’ve told us are that he has three main problems.
. You’ve actually heard him admit that he wishes he was still with his ex.
. He is lonely and struggles on his own.
. He can’t actually afford to live alone.

So, he can’t be with his ex. She’s blocked him and doesn’t want him. He can’t do anything about problem 1, unless she changes her mind. However you’re more than willing for him to move in with you. This solves his loneliness problem, and his financial problems.

You deserve better than to be someone’s quick fix.

He didn't say he wanted to be back with her. He just thought of her every single day. He said he missed her at an event he expected her to be at.
He knows he's not going back with her.
He was talking to me the last 6 weeks they were together. He said they were no longer a couple just friends. They stopped talking in the new year and she moved out.

This sounds like an affair situation. Overlap of two months?

Look I’m sorry but the bubble bursts once the fantasy ends. Sounds like she’s blocked him for his god awful behaviour to her and he doesn’t like that he’s lost her.

Youll always be playing second fiddle to a man pining and your children should have barely anything to do with this man.

His phone call was clear. You need to move on.

I know I sound stupid and repetitive but if he wanted her why risk that to talk to me in the first place

If he wanted you, why would he risk talking to her on the phone and telling her he misses her?

Maybe he was bored. Maybe he thought the grass was greener and now he’s realised it isn’t.

Because some men like to cake eat. It’s really not that complicated. They think the grass is greener than realise it isn’t. They seek ego boosts and validation.

Surely you’re better than to be with someone pining after his ex. He will hop to another branch soon if the ex doesn’t want anything to do with him. This sounds doomed.

You do have a choice, you don't bring random men into your children's home. Many of us manage it, especially those of us who also have kids with SEN. Go and read a fucking paper and see how many poor kids die regularly because women have let random fucking men into their lives with unfortunate consequences. You don't deserve kids. You really don't. I have given up my life for my own, I only get a break when she is at preschool, otherwise it is just us. I don't parade men in and out of my bed like the local harlot because it isn't worth the risk. Take a good look at yourself and ask why you had one kid nevermind four. I feel such pity for them being in a household with no regard to their safety. If I knew you personally I'd have reported cause for concern with the authorities by now.

Oh dear Lord, one last time.

He wasn’t risking anything. He was messaging you because she had gone off him and was winding the relationship down. He wanted an ego boost and there you were.

Of course he won’t go back to her. She doesn’t want him. If she did, he wouldn’t be with you.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you are so deep in denial!!

This

He wants to throw you a few crumbs while he gets two big cakes to himself. NEXT

You are sounding incredibly stupid. This cannot be a genuine thread.

If he wants you then why risk talking to her now?

The thing with him moving is he's struggling to pay the full cost of his rented flat on his own

which is why he needed someone/somewhere else lined up when they split up

But if he risked his relationship with her to talk to me surely I must mean more to him than she does

As above, he knew it was about to end so needed someone else ready to go.

He will have been telling you exactly what you want to hear.
You've known him a year but have only actually spent a few days with him in that time.

You know it's not just the alcohol.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh OP but he risked talking to you for an ego boost, he never intended for his partner (her not you) to find out and much less to kick him to the kerb.

He's now stuck with you because of his actions and frankly moving him into your home with your children is beyond crazy.

Last night showed you very clearly that he wants to be with his ex, he misses her every day, that isn't the action of someone happy with a new "partner" if she wanted him back he'd go running as soon as she called, you deserve better then that from a partner

But he was drunk calling her so not thinking clearly.