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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He called his ex when drunk

404 replies

confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 11:44

My partner went out and had a few too many.
When he got home I heard him on the phone telling someone he thought of them every single day.
He also said he missed them and something about a holiday.
I snooped on his phone this morning and it was his ex.
Aibu to think he still has feelings for her? They split properly 4 months ago but I think things were rocky for a bit before that.

OP posts:
Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:15

I'm being smug aren't I :(

OP posts:
Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:15

A mug

OP posts:
Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:18

I feel absolutely devastated

OP posts:
midnightblue12 · 07/05/2023 19:24

Oh OP I really feel for you.
I'm a single parent too and I can relate to some of what you're saying. I often feel like I'll always be alone because my children always come first, the loneliness is really hard. The bitterness is also really hard.

I think you have to realise that no matter how he feels or acts, you aren't going to be able to move past this. You're always going to be doubting yourself and a healthy relationship shouldn't be like that.

Maybe you need time to deal with some of your insecurities aswell because rushing things like you've described isn't going to give you what you want.

I'm sorry I'm saying cliche things.

Tandora · 07/05/2023 19:28

Bless you OP, I think you are getting a hard time on here. It’s so hard 😔. I have to agree with the others though that this man is not committed as you think he is. Maybe if you are not ready to let go you could keep casually dating and see how it goes? Please do not move him in with your children x

Milkand2sugarsplease · 07/05/2023 19:28

He's cocked it up with his ex, she's kicked him into touch. He now can't afford/doesn't want to pay for his life where he is so he wants to return to his hometown with family and friends. You're convenient to him and offering him a place to stay that's cheaper than going it alone.

He'll do TO you you what he did to his ex WITH you!! Don't let him, raise your bar x

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:35

Does the drunk phone call really mean he wants her.
He doesn't remember it.

OP posts:
Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:37

We message every day. Why would he think of her? I don't really understand

OP posts:
Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 19:46

Bloody give it a rest

He's a shit.

You won't leave him though cause you're too desperate for attention to have standards.

Done
Next!

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:48

He's really not a shit.
I know that's hard to understand. He is a lovely person. He makes me feel so good.

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 07/05/2023 19:50

confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 20:44

I know I sound stupid and repetitive but if he wanted her why risk that to talk to me in the first place

You don't just sound stupid, you're an absolute idiot, IF this is true (which I don't believe it is).

Tandora · 07/05/2023 19:52

confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:35

Does the drunk phone call really mean he wants her.
He doesn't remember it.

Yes , he wouldn’t have called her when drunk and told her that if he wasn’t pining after her. He also wouldn’t spend the 2 days he sees you a month, going out drinking, drunk dialling his ex, and sleeping all the next day. You two have only been dating 4 months, you should be in the honeymoon phase, if he were really into you and the relationship , he wouldn’t be doing these things. Sorry OP.

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:53

He thought she was cheating. I've seen pictures of her. He was definitely punching. I think he felt insecure with her

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Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:55

That's why he won't go back. He was insecure in their relationship

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Robinni · 07/05/2023 20:00

confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 19:14

He doesn't want to be on his own when he's older.

And you don’t want to be his carer whenever you’ve got 4 children already……

Man oh man. What a drip feed.

I don’t have time to look at this properly…. but seriously this is just disastrous.

And can’t he stay with one of his relatives rather than cocklodging with you…..

He’s nearly an old man. You are in your 40s.

And you come across as a 21yo bored Uni student on a wind up mission. Which is why people think it’s fake.

monsteramunch · 07/05/2023 20:01

How old is he?

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:02

He's 57

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Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:03

He could stay with his mother

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Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 20:04

Nice drip feed,

A man about to retire who cant afford to live on his own so shacks up with desperate single mum.

Got Daily Fail written all over it. I wish I had something better to do than feed the troll but, here we are.

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:05

I know it sounds bad.

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Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:05

He will retire in 10 years

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Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:06

I'm not a troll

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Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:36

Why are people calling me a troll

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Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2023 20:58

confuseddotcom201 · 07/05/2023 20:36

Why are people calling me a troll

Because it’s unbelievable that an adult woman with 4 children could be so naive and make such poor choices and refuse to engage with anyone talking any sense.

If you aren’t a troll then get your shit together.

randomuser2019 · 07/05/2023 21:00

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